Reply To: Friend in shidduchim with an eating disorder

I feel like I’m getting some conflicting advice here. I’m very worried about pushing because when I try to get to “preachy” she blocks me out entirely, which I definitely don’t want. Also, if/when I do tell her mother I want to explain myself well so she takes me seriously, and I think if my friend denies it or laughs it off her mother will not believe me because my friend is usually very honest and reliable. My friend has worried about her mother finding out and told me there have been several “close calls” which she resolved by lying or deflecting and then eating for a while. For about a week she made herself a list of motivational tips for blocking out “that stupid voice” but says it’s not working anymore. When I do convince her to eat she gains weight and complains to me (she is still a bit heavy and her doctor and mother want her to lose a significant amount of weight) and I don’t know what to say. (I’ve tried sending supportive messages and for a while she would tell me when she ate and I would tell her I was proud of her, things like that, but when she sees she’s gained weight she gets angry at me/herself and I don’t know what to say.) I’ve suggested making a balanced healthy diet plan but she said she wouldn’t be able to stick to it. Plus there are also some issues at home which further complicate things. I’ve encouraged her to tell her mother but she’s very, very nervous about her mother finding out which makes me more hesitant than I otherwise would be.