There is an interesting story in my family about this. My grandfather was a student in the the yeshiva in Dej. By all accounts, he was a star student and the Dejer Rav took special interest in him. At the rav’s urging a shidduch was made with the daughter of the Rosh Hakahal and my grandfather; a fine match for a boy from considerably more humble a home. Shidduchim however were a business, and some shadchanim were less scrupulous than others. My grandfather was approached by one such shadchan who told him that in Sibiu, Romania (A relative tank town in terms of Jewish life) there was a very wealthy frum ba’albos who was desperate to find a suitable match for his 18 year old daughter. He was so desperate he paid shachanim a fee just to produce boys for his daughter to meet. If a match were to be made, there would be an additional fee paid. This shadchan told my grandfather than he was just the type of boy this man sought for his daughter and sugested that notwithstaning my grandfather’s engagement he should go to Sibiu for a weekend and the shadchan would split that “appearance fee” with him. Desperate for money, my grandfather agreed. Well you can guess what happened; it was love at first sight. My great grandfather fell in love with the boy the moment he saw him, and so did his daughter. My grandfather was smitten as well. Upon his return to Dej, my grandfather sought to break off the engagement. My great grandftaher, ever an honorable man, sent a letter offering to recompense the first girls father for all his expenses etc. After a short din Torah, an amount of damages was set and paid. M grandfther was then told to marry the first girl and divorce her the next day so as to preserve her honor. He refused one two grounds. First he said that since he has no intention of staying married, there is no gemirat da’at in the kinyan kiddushin and any assumed marriage would have the taint of beilat znut. Secondly, he saw no point in rendering his former fiance ineligible to marry a kohen. He could not be disuaded from this and flat out refused. As a result he left Dej with a black cloud hanging over his head, movd to Sibiu, married my grandmother and they had four children, one of them my mother. As a denoument, in the 1960’s in Paris, my grandfather happened to meet up with his former chavrusa from Dej, who told him that shortly after he left Des, the Rosh Hakahal’s daughter was redt to another boy, a kohen, and they had a wonderful life together.
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