“How can a person even consider doing something as important and life changing as getting engaged or breaking an engagement without asking a shailah? “
In matters of halacha, I agree with you. But I do not have to ask my rov a shailah about getting married, unless there is an inyan that bothers me in the shidduch and he is nogeya to it. If he doesn’t know the boy or girl, what exactly is the shailah you are asking? If it is OKAY to get married? I might want my rov to give me a chosson/kallah shmuz, or counsel me about different things that might come up in the future. But I certainly do not need his heter. I would ask for a bracha, not ask a shailah. Where are the parents in all this?