APY:
Plenty of shidduchim start from the girls side first.
Plenty of times it’s the girls families or acquaintances who try to get it redd.
Unfortunately many times the boy doesn’t give a yes.
In fact plenty of mothers of boys will tell a shadchan come back to me when you have a yes from the girl. Plenty of times the shadchanim will go to the girl side first, or at the same time as when they approach the boy, knowing/thinking/hoping that they stand a better chance of getting a yes from the boy if the girl has already expressed interest.
In any event, what is written about it being “unfair” to the girls is correct- but until we realize that it’s a direct function of the unequal numbers of dating…..
otherwise we can keep on playing the music faster slower or changing the the tune, but the results will still be the same.
side note: Shadchanim in general have one interest and one interest only and that is to make succesful shidduchim and in order to do that, the only thing they can do is set up dates (hopefully quality dates). Their system for doing things will be governed by how it impacts their ability to set up dates.
(as for why people who think of a particular girl don’t always tell the girl that they are thinking of her, that’s a discussion for a different time. Some girls would prefer to know that they are being thought of, but many shadchanim prefer to be the “bad guy” and not tell the girl I tried to redd you 10 different shidduchim but all the guys said no. What would you do??
In any event, with regard to the big picture this issue doesn’t change much. What is clear is that we need a level shidduch field, and so long as the numbers are severely out of wack, the shidduch field won’t be level.)