you can attribute any statement to me that you wish, even if it defies logic (If I am a chareidi, how can I hate myself?)
Is that argument more like:
“I am a semite, how can I be an anti-semite”, or
“I am jewish, how can I hate jews”?
In either event, the answer here is: because you said you do.
You also said that you dress and act chareidi. You should really just let yourself be who you are, and start dressing and acting MO, and go to an MO shul and get an MO rav. You might find that you hate us less when you don’t feel trapped inside us.