You’re sugarcoating that gehenim doesn’t apply. With that attitude, not only is it inferior and untrue, it is no true kiruv.
No, I’ve just found that building people up works far better at influincing their behavior than knocking them down.
If you feel that yelling at them that they’re going to hell is the ideal tool for returning people to avodas Hashem, then we just have to agree to disagree. As you said, you have bechira to choose your way. I choose mine. I choose to encourage rather than discourage. I choose to include rather than exclude. I choose to bring people in through love rather than fear and hate.
If you choose differently, then so be it. We just have to part ways at that point – there is really nothing further for us to discuss on the subject.
The Wolf