I have been away for a few days and did not have internet, I”M BAAAAACK!
WIY, I appreciate the way you have been answering and see that you have a better understanding at this point.
OOMIS, you and I are at the stage of grandparents. We have seen a lot and have garnered a lot of knowledge. Philosopher has yet to cover the ground we have already traversed. He has a lot to learn and letting go of the stubbornness and the Need to be Right is one of the things he has yet to learn. At this point his need to be right supersedes all else including common sense so I refuse to discuss and/or argue any further points with him.
For those who DO understand the parsha, if you meet children who have gone off the derech please extend to them the warmest conversations, the warmest smiles and the warmest representation of yiddishkeit. Many, many young people blame the entire religion for the mistakes that just one or two frum people made towards them. That could have been a Rebbe, a parent, or a frum molester. Don’t push them to talk about why they went off the derech unless they open up that discussion first or you have already established a relationship with them.
Through my own experience, when I do broach the subject and the answer is a frum person hurt them, I say well I am frum, have I done anything to hurt you? If a goy would hurt you would you say ALL goyim are evil and cut them all out of your life? That really gets them thinking. That is when I tell them to consider giving it over to Hashem because they don’t have to keep score. Hashem is the ultimate score keeper and Hashem holds each and every one of us accountable for our actions. After 120, the person that hurt them will have to give a din v’cheshbon for his actions and he will receive the appropriate consequence from his maker.
I tell them that there are good people and bad people in all religions and that everyone has bechirah and can choose between good and evil. When a person hurts other people he is not following the Torah. I explain those things to the child and I begin to pave a path back for them. That is the way to bring kids back.
I know many Rabbonim who work with children in the parsha and not one of them would agree with either Yanky or Philosopher or any other poster who was of that frame of mind. There are many well meaning Rabbonim who have no clue what-so-ever how to deal with these children and they do much more harm than good. The Rabbonim, psychologists, pediatricians, physcians (all frum) who are involved in this parsha all agree that the first step in bringing these children home is keeping them safe. The next step is getting them healthy both physcially and emotionally. At that point they can begin the process of spiritual healing. So yes for all those wondering it is true nachas when a child is healthy, clean and sober. And for anyone with teens and older, you can understand when I say it is nachas to be off a suicide watch.
One more thing. It gives me great pleasure to announce that one of my boys (with me for just shy of 7 years) is engaged!