Shopping. I hear you. LOUD AND CLEAR. I’m sorry you went through so much pain. No. I don’t think there are real answers, these are emotions, everyone takes them and deals with them differently. ??? ??? ???? ???? ????, a person is not held accountable (to a degree) in time of his/her anguish. We are human, people with emotions.
And know too, someone who purposefully causes another pain, agmas nefesh, physical or mental anguish, WILL NOT GO UNPUNISHED.
There is this famous story the Chofetz Chaim (yartzeit on Friday) related. In his youth there was this poor widow who lived in some home, who couldn’t afford the rent. The landlord threatened time and again, he was going to throw her out into the streets. Finally things came to a head one day, and on a frigid cold wintry day, he went and removed the roof of her home.
Said the Chofetz Chaim, for years he was wondering, how could it be, the Torah states specifically ?? ????? ????? ?? ?????. ?? ??? ???? ????…the scary curse that befalls one who pains a widow or orphan (or any other unfortunate, downtrodden fellow). How could that landlord be left living peacefully years after doing such harm to a widow. He was left with that question for many years.
Years later, said the Chofetz Chaim, he got his answer. That man was bitten by a rabid dog, he went crazy and eventually died an agonizing death. To others who knew nothing about his past, it seemed such a unjust mishap, for him, he knew that was HaShem’s intervention, His just ways.
THERE IS JUSTICE, NOW, HERE, in this world, too. ??? ??? ???? ????, everything with an exact judgement. Those who hurt you…(while we’re not supposed to wish it..), there is a True Judge watching EVERYTHING.
hope that eases up some of your pain