Regarding the OP’s statements:
“The more I advanced in my reasoning abilities, the more the Judaism stuff began to seem… silly”
“It’s hard to stay inspired when the Jewish ideas start to unravel because they pale in comparison to everything else you know. Especially since the emotional attachement one feels to things weakens as they get older… and the BY system relies heavily on emotions.”
Your post sees to be conflating two distinct points: what a Jewish education should be and if/when it is permissible for women to learn gemara.
Education, both for men and women should NOT be based on emotion but rather on logic and proofs. It is embarrassing to say that one’s attachment to and knowledge of Toras Emes is purely emotional.
Regarding women learning gemara, as others have mentioned, there are shitos who permit *individual* (not classroom) gemara study for women. If that really would make you happy, (though, based on your post, I am not convinced it would make you happy), speak to your Rav and see how you like learning gemara.
(Rabbi Orlofsky has an interesting talk on this issue of women learning gemara. If I recall correctly, he said something to the effect of Chazal say that women won’t find intellectual satisfaction in gemara learning like men do. So if you don’t believe Chazal in this area, then why do you want to learn their gemara?)
I think you might wish to clarify what exactly you mean by “Jewish ideas start to unravel” and “pale in comparison to everything you know”, CH”V, before you decide that gemara will somehow resolve any of this.
Moshe emes viSoraso emes. If you have questions, pirkei Avos teaches us “Asei licha Rav”; ask those questions and get those answers. He might even recommend good seforim for you to read on your own to further satisfy your thirst for knowledge. Neither men nor women should be ignorant in yahadus and CH”V that Chazal ever said they should be.