BYG- What are you looking for exactly? Do you want to know if YOU can learn Gemara? Are you asking why women in general can’t?
These are two separate questions, and should probably be addressed separately.
Then there’s your Hashkafik problem. Sometimes you seem to be leaning towards Gemara as a source for Hashkafa, and sometimes more as a textual manual. What do you want to gain from learning Gemara?
I certainly disagree with Gavrah-At-Work about your education level. We know that there are Hashkafa questions at every level of learning. You have certainly proved yourself well-educated and well-sourced throughout this discussion. The only flaw seems to be your assumption that you have studied everything. You clearly know a lot, but no-one can know everything.
There is also another distinction I wish to make between Gemara for women in general, and what you need. You have set yourself apart from the majority of other women, by your education goals and standards. So by your own admission, you don’t represent most religious women. For what it’s worth, I spent some time learning about all faiths in order to find what to believe in. It took some time, but eventually I did come back to Judiasm as the source, and most logical of the “isms.” You’re not the first woman to be searching for answers.
Lastly, I have one more point I’m hesitant to bring up. I don’t wish to trample on your self-respect or anything like that. There was another discussion in the CR about OTD kids and what schools don’t do and should do. Reading what you say brings a point for that discussion. So I’d like to ask you, if you’re so confused yourself, why are you you teaching? Would you teach science if you didn’t understand it? A teacher needs to be able to help her students understand. What are you doing in the education system?