Ah, God’s gift to the Jews … the midlife crisis! Thank Hashem that you’re going through this emotional upheaval, and pray that you will end out on top!
As far as practical advice, Permission to Believe and Permission to Receive, both by Lawrence Kellerman, are great reads.
For insight on Orthodox Jewish communities and customs, try The Non-Orthodox Jew’s Guide to Orthodox Jews, by David Baum. It’s very informative both for Orthodox and non Orthodox Jews.