Assaf, you sound like a very well thought out individual. I wonder, was your decision to go OTD based on disappointment with frum Jews, or disagreement with the Orthodox aproach to Judaism, or difficulty with keeping Mitzvos?
Please read the book One People, Two Worlds: A Reform Rabbi and an Orthodox Rabbi Explore the Issues That Divide Them.
While I personally am a “Derech Emtzai” person, admiring most a middle of the road practice of Orthodoxy, I loved Rabbi Reinman’s thoughts and explanations, as did many others from all walks of life, who reviewed the book on Amazon. This book will give you much to think about. You might figure things out about yourself and your choices. It might speak to some of your doubts and guide you for the future. I dont think you will regret it.