Personally, I think that at the Bar/Bas Mitzva age parents are supposed to let go a little of their control on the child. At this point, the responsibility lies on the child. So why are parents trying to make choices for them by making them so miserable? Words like “you HAVE to, WE don’t do that, etc.” all imply that the child has no choice. I think it would be better for parents to give the child room to find their way, then to force Judiasm onto them. Most of the time, it doesn’t start with breaking Halacha. It escalates into that. If the parent was more accepting, and allows the rebellion its phase, it most likely will die out. Unless of course, something deeper is going on, like abuse.
Also, I heard a statistic that mentioned unhappy marriages in relation to OTD. Don’t know if it’s true though.
StreetGeek-take it from someone who’s been on both sides of the mountain, horrible people exist everywhere. No matter what branch of religion, philosophy, race, or gender they fall under. I believe that Judiasm can cure such behaviors if done properly. Sadly, most of us don’t. Feeling down about it, is just a test. Don’t look at other, work on strengthening yourself into a better Jew.