In the short term, you need to talk about it.
Here’s how to talk about it:
1. Tell her “I love you and so much appreciate all the work you do in the house” (mention some specifics, like if she washed the dishes for Shabbos or did laundry). Tell her how you think about her at work and wonder how she’s feeling. Ask her how she feels.
2. Stop. Listen to what she tells you. Agree with whatever she says. Don’t say anything more about the cleaning except compliments if you notice she did something. Also compliment her on other things.
3. Wait AT LEAST 24 hours. That way she won’t think you only care about the cleaning lady issue. Repeat Steps 1 and 2. Only go onto Step 4 when you haven’t argued about anything else that day.
4. Do Steps 1 and 2 again. Now you can bring up the cleaning lady. Be honest and say you’d really rather not hire a cleaning lady. You’d be happy to help, but you’re tired when you come home, so if she could please tell you something you can do that takes less than 10 minutes before work you’d be happy to. Would that be enough of a help?
5. If she says Yes, do whatever she asks for. She probably just didn’t feel appreciated and your compliments and participating fixed that. Have her keep you company while you clean and mention how happy you are to spend time helping her.
6. If she says No, it wouldn’t help, get a cleaning lady. Don’t fight with her because you just can’t win. If you don’t get a cleaning lady, she’ll feel like you don’t care about her even more. If you do get one, make sure you don’t act like you resent it, make it an act of love so she doesn’t feel like you resent helping her. Either way, you’ll be much happier than if you keep on letting everything turn into an argument.
Also, I agree with all the posters who are going to say you should go for marital counseling.