“For most women to desire a man in such a way requires she know him personally and like him very much and have some kind of personal relationship with him. For a man though, if she looks provocative the thought can be triggered over a perfect stranger. We work very differently than women.”
I can’t speak for men, but I do know that women (based on my experiences and those of my friends I would even say most women) do NOT need to have a personal kesher with a man in order to desire him. The thoughts that I had about men I didn’t even know at the pool was exactly what led me to stop going mixed swimming when I was in high school (I thought I had written about this here 4 years ago, but I can’t find the post now). Now, men who are not “classically good-looking”– yes, we need to know who they are before we start having those thoughts. But there is such a thing as an objective standard of beauty, and someone who fits that standard– especially while wearing very little– can be very distracting.