I’d suggest, first and foremost, that she either gets a job to pay for the maid, or that you have her clean herself. A wife has certain duties to perform and fulfill, and cleaning her house is one of them. Quite frankly, your wife sounds spoiled, chutzpahdik, and the type of woman I’d run away from. Be a man, put your foot down, and fire the maid, for the sake of your “kemach.” As far as groceries go, reduce your household consumption of dairy and meat products. Go over the shopping list with your wife, have her buy whatever she can at big-box non-kosher stores (a can of OU beans at Key Food is 99 cents, compared to $2.49 Gefen beans elsewhere). It’s stories like this that make me wary of marriage; a wife can send you straight to the poor house.
Your wife is a serious problem. I’d suggest speaking with rabbanim who are also trained in marital therapy. Finances are the number one cause of shalom bayit issues. In this day and age, two incomes are needed, and extraneous expenses need to be done away with. It turns my stomach when I see Jews hiring illegal aliens to clean their homes and raise their kids.