A husband who has not given his wife a “get” is required by our law to continue to pay her bills. If we enforce this, it would largely solve the problem since no sane man would in effect give his credit card to the woman he has come to hate. The fight over children is a separate issue that will continue to exist until the children are old enough to take matters into their own hands – and this is regardless of the parents marital status.
The approach we should take in the US is for a woman’s lawyer to object to any civil divorce on the grounds that the man is not seeking to truely dissolve the marriage, and therefore the divorce is an attempt to commit fraud on the legal system. If the frum community offered to pay for the women to “lawyer up” when a man separates without giving a “get” it would resolve most matters.