The sequence that needs to exist universally is agreement, get, civil divorce. If anyone gives the get without settling the affairs, he is foolish and so is she for accepting it. Batei din also want this sequence to be followed, though there are times when matters are peaceful enough that settlement is expected without requiring it up front.
Divorce is based on hate, just as marriage is based on love. Strong emotion overcomes logic, and often pushes someone to commit violations of well accepted and recognized standards of morality. All these crises, agunah, children, visitation, etc. are immoral, but justified by the passion driven hatred that fuels most divorces. Yes, we have some really nasty people among us, and it is an embarrassment for all that they dwell among us.