phdmom -“both to deal with it, but also to empower them. i would role play with them how they’d like to see themselves responding to said bully, teaching them to communicate firmly, assertively and respectfully. healthy communication skills is something that all kids should learn.”
I was bullied as a kid and as a teenager and noone ever cared -so I wanted to make sure my son didn’t have to go through the same thing. When he started getting bullied in the latter part of elementary school my wife (now ex) felt we should do nice things for his class and they would respond in kind. I think we made a Chanukah party for his class, I’m not sure right now because it’s been a few years. He was popular for a short while, but the bullying restarted. So we decided to send him to Karate, even though this was against the “Rules”. (A lot of things are against the rules like Karate, internet, movies, TV. And a lot are Ok like being bullied by Rebbeyim, classmates. Also Chutzpa is tolerated in lots of places. And I could go on.)
Doc Mom -While I agree with assertiveness, it’s not going to work a lot of the time with Kid bullies because kids don’t hesitate to get violent, esp. when they are the bullying type. See Rabbi Al’s post.
So actually the Karate worked out nicely. He learned self-confidence and even though he was smaller than others he learned how to defend himself from their violence.
Nowadays, noone would try to start up with him – he grew up to be a big and broad guy – bigger than me (I’m just avg. height).
Teddy Roosevelt said – “Speak softly and carry a big stick.”