Oomis, first of all, I’m in 100% agreement with you that it’s infinitely more important to be makpid on honesty in business dealings, derech eretz, avoiding lashon harsh, proper middos, etc. than anything which falls under the category of chumrah, and certainly externals such as yeshivish mode of dress.
But by your bringing that up as a conflict, you are, subtly and unintentionally (I say unintentionally because I do indeed respect you), doing exactly what you are decrying. You’re looking down at those who dress a certain way and keep halacha a certain way based on stereotyping it as being associated with poor being adam l’chaveiro.
My point, which I’m not sure you addressed, is that there are some things which are actually better halachically and/or hadkafically (examples will vary according to perspective) and one should firm in their opinions, and not compromise them just to satisfy some perceived need for everyone to be on the same level.
I will illustrate with two examples which you offered.
If you feel that riding toys are not in the spirit of Shabbos (I happen to disagree), not only should you stick with your idea in practice, you should in principle as well. Don’t tell your kids that their actions are just as good as yours. If their use of riding toys is 100% acceptable, why wouldn’t yours be? Tell them that it’s muttar, that those neighbors are 100% shomrei Torah, but that we feel that this degrades Shabbos.
Another issue you brought up is music. Obviously, I listen to music. I’ll use that as a reverse example. I know people who don’t listen to music. I’ll tell you a little secret; I think in that area, they are conducting themselves on a higher level than I am. Listening to music is actually halachically questionable, and I have reasons that I rely on the heterim in this case. By recognizing this, I can respect those who are machmir, and see it as an ideal to strive for. Isn’t that better than feeling insulted and put down?