But by your bringing that up as a conflict, you are, subtly and unintentionally (I say unintentionally because I do indeed respect you), doing exactly what you are decrying. You’re looking down at those who dress a certain way and keep halacha a certain way based on stereotyping it as being associated with poor being adam l’chaveiro.”
If you got that impression, perhaps I was a little unclear. I know I was careful to say “SOME people” (please re-read what I wrote), specifically so as to NOT imply what you inferred from my words. Would you agree with the statement that SOME frum-looking Jews who are extremely makpid in certain areas that may or may not be halachically required at all (and tend to believe and show that they feel that the rest of us are not quite up to their level), sadly are not likewise makpid in other areas which ARE halachichally required, as opposed to some of their chumros (that they come to view as Halacha, but which are not)?
Second, you answered – “Don’t tell your kids that their actions are just as good as yours. If their use of riding toys is 100% acceptable, why wouldn’t yours be? Tell them that it’s muttar, that those neighbors are 100% shomrei Torah, but that we feel that this degrades Shabbos.”
My kids are grown, and they also believe that it is simply not in keeping with the spirit of Shabbos to allow children to ride on the street on toys that would be assur to them when they are a little older. So am I on a higher madreiga for NOT allowing my kids (or grandkids) to do this? From MY standpoint it is not halachically proper to do such uvda d’chol. I was taught by more Modern Orthodox parents compared to these Yeshivish families, and no one in my childhood ever allowed their kids to touch a bicycle on Shabbos, much less actually ride on one. So if you are saying it is 100% muttar (though not for me), I will take you at your word for now (though check with my rov), still not let the kids use their riding toys in the street, because it resembles chillul Shabbos too much, and still not hold myself frummer than they are. I certainly do not think of them as anything less than ehrliche, frum Yidden. BTW, if I were to tell my kids “this degrades Shabbos,” that is actually a definite put down of those people who are in my eyes, degrading Shabbos.
When you say that there are things that are halachically and hashkafically better, are you not in a subtle way implying that Ch’vSh the halacha that Hashem Gave us, is somehow lacking in something? I don’t know, but I would feel better (apologizing for being a little repetitious)if the attitude were more, “I need this in order to strengthen my own avodas Hashem,” and not that this is a better Halacha or Hashkafa (and therefore EVERYONE should be doing it, in order to be better Jews).
As to the music issue, until our Daas Torah collectively tell us that music is assur (and perhaps we should also not listen to birds chirping – I am not being facetious – because that “music” makes me happy), I will continue to listen to it, to enjoy it, and feel a little sad for people who deny themselves that pleasure in life, because to them, it is a better way of serving Hashem.
Do we not say Ivdu es Hashem b’simcha?????? Did that change with the Churban? What’s next, we stop drinking wine and eating meat? Ein simcha ella b’vasar v’yayin…(hope I quoted that right). So I’ll keep listening to and singing the music and not feel less frum for that. There are so many ways in which we can enhance our Avodah, and we SHOULD. But not at the expense of believing we are more heilige than someone who doesn’t subscribe to our own particular enhancement. That borders on gaivah, IMO. Just sayin’…
I guess this is an issue which will push a lot of buttons here, and I personally am glad that we can talk about this like menschen.