HaLeiVi, kol hakavod to you (not being sarcastic). What you think and what you know, are not necessarily what others think and know is THE important thing to do. As long as you recognize it is important for YOU and not necessarily for anyone ELSE, then I am in total agreement with you. But as soon as someone even unconsciously feels that THE important thing for HIM to do must also be important for everyone else on the planet, as it sometimes ends up happening, it creates a feeling of superiority.
We can’t help it. We are human, and there is a nugget of gaivah in us that makes us a little smug when we see people who don’t drink cholov Yisroel when we do, or who use an eruv when we don’t, or don’t hold by the later time of Motzai Shabbos, or who go by the OU hechsher and not a “heimish” one.
It is an endless list of things people can feel better about themselves for doing, while feeling others are in the wrong. And someone who claims not to feel this way, might be proved to being not honest with himself, as soon as a shidduch is recommended for him with someone who doesn’t hold by his derech.
I think we are not going to resolve this point, because we both come from different mindsets, and you do not view things as I do, and that’s fine. I can appreciate your view. I would feel more resolution in this issue, if people adopted the attitude that their mehalach might be better for them personally, because it speaks to something that they feel they need to work on in themselves, but not because others are doing something that is l’chatchilah not proper.