Sam2 – such a beautiful post!
RYWannabe – I grew up modern but shomer shabbos and mitzvos. I went to a religious co-ed day school where almost every student was like me, but there were none who did not keep Shabbos or kosher. For high school I insisted on the co-ed school where I was with kids from conservative and public schools for the first time. I refused to go to the all girls school because I was sure they would all look down on me.
Being in that school with less and non observant kids was very unhealthy for many of my classmates, but I found myself becoming more committed and it really sparked a search for me because I couldn’t understand why some people were giving up everything for religion, and my classmates/friends were giving up religion for everything. I ended up growing much more than I would have in the other school where everything would have been ‘a given’.
Of course I told my parents that they shouldn’t risk sending any of the rest of the siblings to that school but for me it worked, and for you it could be just what you need. They say the grass is always greener, better to be here, wishing for a yeshiva, than to be in yeshiva wishing you weren’t.