Reply To: Shidduch Crisis Problems & Solution

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BoysWork, Oomis, that is what I have been saying all the time, this “Shidduch crisis” When this whole idea of learning only and not seeking a degree or earning a livelihood, took off. 20 years ago, most boys went to work, after yeshivah. It was rare for boys to continue learning full time. The current situation is unsustainable. When I got married, my parents and in-laws did not give us a penny, nor did we ever even think that such a idea existed, of parental support of kids after marriage. My parents paid for the wedding and that was it. I found an inexpensive gown, that I paid for myself, from my earnings. They were still trying to manage their own incomes. How can one ask for money from parents who are already struggling. I was taught, that when you got married, it was just the couple there to fend for themselves.

Nowadays, it is unfortunately, expected for the parents to pay for their childrens’ support. How? I don’t know, but this could very well be the reason, why there are less marriages occurring. And there are. There is no way parents, in this economy, can support their married kids, and especially, those parents,still with young children, at home to support. Even before the kids meets, some boys want to know how much support they will be getting.

The response to shidduch crisis is, that boys should start dating, younger. I don’t want to disparage the Gedolim, but that will not solve the crisis. Really, who do they expect to support the young family. Actually, I think it will make the problem worse. How can the Gedolim tell boys be to get married younger, when the boys have no means to support a wife & family. Doesn’t the Torah tell the men to have a house, and then get married? Doesn’t the Torah, tell fathers, that they have to teach their sons a livelihood? Doesn’t the ketubah, list a man’s obligations to his wife? I don’t think it says anywhere in the Torah, a parent is responsible to support his married children. Until boys are actual responsible for learning to earn their own incomes, the Gedolim can issue all the Kol Korahs for boys to get married a year younger, I don’t think it will solve the problem.