December 1, 2016 1:50 am at 1:50 am #618757
There are certainly divorces that are unavoidable, and there are certainly marriages that can and should be saved. In an ideal world, nobody would be kept in a marriage against their will; but nobody would be forced out of their marriage against their will either. There is no one-size-fits-all type of answer or attitude in regards to the question of when divorce is or is not appropriate and/or a smart idea. These are the type of decisions that must be made on an individual basis by people who are familiar with the particulars and characters of each case; not by anonymous online posters based primarily on preconceived notions.
However, what I do believe to be inappropriate is to label anybody and everybody who does not want to break apart their apart their marriage a “total jerk”, or to proclaim that a couple should never get divorced no matter what. This is particularly true if the one making these blanket statements is essentially ignorant of the particulars of the case that they are opining/pontificating about.
However, I will temper that rant with the observation that most of the discussion here on this subject is not of the labeling/proclaiming variety, and does seem to reflect the realization that there are often legitimate (and illegitimate) arguments both ways in any given case. Keep it up, people.December 1, 2016 2:05 am at 2:05 am #1195858
These are the type of decisions that must be made on an individual basis by people who are familiar with the particulars and characters of each case
A quick caveat: These decisions must also be made by people who are qualified to deal to deal with them.
A Rabbi for whom I have a great amount of respect once told me something to the effect of: I cannot begin to tell you how much marital trouble is the result of the actions of well-meaning Rabbis. One has to know what one is and is not qualified to deal with, and when to send a couple to a marriage therapist. (Although it should also be noted that there are plenty of bad marriage therapists out there who do more harm than good.)December 1, 2016 2:19 am at 2:19 am #1195859Lilmod UlelamaidParticipant
I definitely agree with your first paragraph. Shkoyach! You make a lot of very good and important points.
Regarding the rest, please keep in mind that some of these comments were made in response to specific details about the case that were given over. There are a lot of posts with a lot of words on a lot of threads and sometimes people miss certain facts and then don’t understand where others are coming from, and they think they are being extreme when they aren’t.
We may not know all the details, but there are several things that are known. Some of the statements that were made were made because of those facts.
On the other hand, unfortunately, there have been some statements that should not have been made and were only made because the ones making them missed certain facts about the situation that were given over.
We are dealing with a very serious situation here, and people do have to be very careful about what they say.
That being said, everyone who has been commenting seems to be doing so out of a sincere desire to help, and I think that everyone really is putting a lot of thought into this, and I think that most of the comments and advice have probably been very helpful. It certainly is very nice that everyone is taking the situation to heart and trying to do what they can to help.December 1, 2016 3:52 am at 3:52 am #1195860
It certainly is very nice that everyone is taking the situation to heart and trying to do what they can to help.
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