Bread Theory of the Shidduch Crisis

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  • #1142341

    afiluechus
    Participant

    We’ve all heard the scare tactics and fear mongering from the ads proclaiming a certain amount of girls wont get married R”L if the boys dont start shidduchim earlier. The analogy of shidduch island with 100 boys and girls yet there will be more married boys than girls etc. Blaming boys who get married at 23 as the reason one girl will be single forever. The shidduch crisis has been used as a propaganda to scare and try to change the current approach to shidduchim in the yeshivish baal habatish circles.

    The Yated Neeman Pesach issue featured an article by Shadchan Reb Tzadok Katz of Lakewood, where he takes those spreading these fears, to task. Whether there is or isn’t a shidduch crisis is not the point, he says “lets concede there is a crisis and the numbers of the age gap theory are correct, still the fact that it is being pushed into everyone’s face has exacerbated the issue. Simply put the more scared and worried girls and their parents are about the shortage of boys the more vulnerable they become. The result is they allow themselves to be taken advantage of and threatened by those redding shidduchim to give answers within 48 hours after getting a yes from a boy. Worried that they wont get another yes they give an answer with out doing as much research as they would like. The feeling of desperation causes parents to lower the bar and compromise in areas they should not compromise in. They must be allowed and comfortable to say no and given the time to thoroughly validate their decision with fact checking and research. Messages that One out of ten girls will never get married are hurtful, lacking in sensitivity and do nothing to help those in the parsha. Such messages play on the hearts of girls and have parents crying asking weather their daughters will get married.

    The campaign has made the situation worse by causing boys and their parents to be pickier, boys are taking advantage and going out for longer and longer since they are told they have an upper hand in this heavy girls market.

    Rabbi Katz agrees that boys should be getting married at a younger age but the way it is being presented to the public is backfiring. He stressed girls should not panic and worry they will never get married. They should not allow themselves to be taken advantage and terrorized by someone redding a shidduch, the stress and panic has changed the dynamics of the frum dating scene. It is time we go back to the way it used to be when the threatening and competitive atmosphere that prevades todays shidduch world was almost non existent.

    In response to the article it appears the ads regarding the age gap issue have been toned down.

    (from the partial view)

    #1142342

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Popa- how about the apples and oranges theory, do you know that one?

    Of course. The men are the apples, and the women are the oranges. And why would you think an apple goes together with an orange?

    #1142343

    squeak
    Participant

    The article above goes into the same category as popa’s take on the fat/shallow arguments. Narrowing the competition.

    #1142344

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    So, it turns out that Torah613 works for NASI, and her job, apparently, is to do whatever it takes to get them more publicity.

    http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/shidduchim-the-nasi-program-is-no-more/page/2#post-506910

    #1142345

    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    Why not give some of the girls to charity?

    #1142347

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    So Torah613Torah thinks it’s a bitachon crisis, an I think it’s a shidduch crisis.

    We’re probably both right.

    Let me give my own analogy.

    Everyone knows how tough it is in today’s economy to get a job. There simply are not enough jobs for the number of potential employees (whether this is actually currently true or not is irrelevant to my point).

    If an individual panics and thinks there’s no way he’ll be able to support his family, that’s a chisaron in bitachon. On the other hand, if he’s offered a good job even in a bad economy, he’s foolhardy to turn it down because he thinks there’s a better job out there somewhere for him.

    If an askan sets up a job training and placement program because of the unemployment crisis, that’s not a chisaron in bitachon, that’s a very big mitzvah.

    You can all figure out the nimshal.

    #1142348

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Everyone knows how tough it is in today’s economy to get a job. There simply are not enough jobs for the number of potential employees (whether this is actually currently true or not is irrelevant to my point).

    If an askan sets up a job training and placement program because of the unemployment crisis, that’s not a chisaron in bitachon, that’s a very big mitzvah.

    Yes, but if the askan’s program is taking out ads in the Yated urging people to start hiring people the same age as themselves, we’d all post here making fun.

    The nimshal is that the shadchan doesn’t have to be the same age as the couple.

    #1142349

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    So in other words, you agree with me hashkafically, you’re just sticking with your nonsensical reversal in agreeing with simple math.

    #1142350

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Suppose you have a lunatic who proposes to prove mathematically that the reason for global warming is that people don’t eat enough cholent thursday night, and his math seems to work out in theory. But nobody wants to study in practice if there is global warming or if people aren’t eating enough cholent, or maybe they did study it but buried the results because it didn’t show what they wanted.

    The nimshal is that I don’t agree with the math.

    #1142351

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    I like cholent.

    #1142352

    I like trains.

    #1142353

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Trains cause global warming.

    #1142354

    Bored_on_the_Job
    Participant

    “The nimshal is that I don’t agree with the math.”

    If a few well meeaning ppl did a medical study we wouldn’t trust their competency unless their expertise was in medicine.

    I am not sure why we are willing to trust novices when it comes to the analysis of population growth as well as various other variables that affect the shidduch crisis.

    Has anyone with an advanced degree in analytics studied the issue?

    Do the ppl doing the research even know how scientific studies work?

    #1142355

    Torah613Torah
    Participant

    Thank you DY for bumping.

    Bored on the job, I completely agree.

    I also agree with what squeak said at some point – that you can’t make plans for major social engineering, without knowing what the effects are, with no actual factual basis.

    #1142356

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    That’s the English Muffin theory of the shidduch crisis – that the age gap theory has too many nooks and crannies in it.

    #1142357

    golfer
    Participant

    The nooks and crannies are for melted butter.

    Yum.

    (Is that really what’s behind the shidduch crisis?)

    #1142358

    Torah613Torah
    Participant

    The melted butter theory of the shidduch crisis: There are always more nooks and crannies than the melted butter can fill.

    #1142359

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    And if you put the butter on earlier, you could solve the problem.

    And if you didn’t keep the butter in the freezer, it would melt faster.

    #1142360

    twisted
    Participant

    I am nearing the age that the Mishna calls zikna, and in the ‘”second shidduch” crisis, looking for a very stale loaf. You youngsters have no concept of the difficulty in getting two hard boiled personalities to sync.

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