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Being able to see the positive in every situation is difficult for almost everyone. And of course it is. Humans react based on things they can see happening to them right now. It is therefore very difficult to react to something in a way that puts your focus on a greater picture than what you are seeing now.
What we must do to prevent all this from happening is not lose our faith in this principle. It is easy to have faith when things are going our way. We must work on our faith when things are NOT going our way. That is when our faith is really put to the test. If we truly consider ourselves G-d’s chosen people, and truly have faith in Him, then we must prove it when things are not going our way. That will really show our loyalty and our faith in G-d, and will reveal to G-d and to the world that we are worthy of being G-d’s chosen people.
If we can believe that, it really does amazing things for us. First, it strengthens our faith in G-d, because we will always be thinking that He is in control, no matter what happens. Second, we will be able to deal with anything that happens to us in a positive way, which will train us to think more positively in general. Also, it will make us more peaceful, much happier, and a lot less stressed, and that will be wonderful when dealing with family, friends, and coworkers.
Sorry this was so long!
MP: That was the sweetest of the sweet!! I loved it. Its like the Garden of Emunah summarized. Have you read it? If not, I think you would love it. When things go our way, its easy to have emunah, but thats when we should be training. Its when things don’t go our way that we get to see the growth from that training. To go through things without faith is draining and so exhausting. But its true… once we believe with complete emunah that everything we go through is from Hashem and for our own good, it makes it that much easier to deal with. Faith and being positive really do go hand and hand. Thank you for writing this!
A beautiful post, many thanks to you MIddlepath.
MP, when I lost my father my emunah shriveled into nothing. I was so scared. I was so lost, My father was gone and I was so angry at Hashem. How could you do this to me, how could you take him from me? Why him, don’t you know how important he is to me? From all the people on this earth it had to be him? Don’t you know how many evil people walk around every day, why did you take my father?
And then I was shaken to my core, I had no faith. I couldn’t make a bracha, I couldn’t walk into shul. I was so angry it scared the heck out of me. The Rav asked my husband how I was doing, and encouraged him to get me out of the house and to come to shul. When my husband told him I don’t want to step foot into shul, he told him to tell me “that’s normal, not to worry about it.”
I was in my own little world. I didn’t answer the phone, I wouldn’t go to the door. I didn’t want to speak to my friends. I didn’t want to speak to anyone or see anyone. But when my husband told me that the Rav said not to worry it was normal something snapped inside of me and there was hope. I realized that since I was talking to Hashem even though I was angry at him there must be some level of emunah still within me. Slowly but surely I felt my emunah and bitachon return.
It wasn’t until I had my footing within the realms of my emunah and bitachon in H”BH that I could handle myself with others. It wasn’t until I trusted Hashem and his ways again that I could trust myself. It wasn’t until I gave my pain and my agony over to Hashem that I felt the healing begin. It was as if I felt the arms of love and support surround me. I felt my father’s love and Hashem’s love and support. I don’t know how to describe it any better.
After this experience, I have made visits to other shiva homes. I have gone over to others who have looked so lost and disconnected and have called them out of the room. I told them quietly, I know how you feel and don’t worry, your emunah and bitachon will return. You can’t imagine the reaction that I received. The tears flowing, the big eyes opening “How did you know???”. I told them I see the lost look in your eyes. It happened to me too, and it is normal. It is part of the grieving process but I promise you, it will return.
MP, I believe that the fear of losing emunah and bitachon is the greatest fear of all. I have been there and I never want to go back.
Thank you MP another powerful essay really excellent!!!
Aries ty for sharing that its like you came out of that stronger than before.
MP – I was very young when my younger sister died and we were all broken. I remember on the way back from the funeral my father saying she was like an angel and we were blessed to have her for 17 years. I truly believe that that introduction to having emuna at difficult times is what gave me the ability to survive other traumas and the recent pain of losing both parents and my other sister in such a short span of time. I don’t know how else I would have survived without believing that this was right. Flitters in my mind of medical negligence, etc which could take over my life, trying to find people to hold responsible etc. It frees me of all of that. Though I don’t feel these challenges have harmed my emuna, I often struggle with the concept that I don’t deserve any of the good Hashem gives me and I worry about how much I owe in return. I sometimes fear the future pains I will be required to endure for my own benefit Suffering has strengthened me but I still have a long way to go.
I often struggle with the concept that I don’t deserve any of the good Hashem gives me
none of us deserve even a very small portion of the Good that Hashem does for us. He does it because he is an Ohaiv Chesed.
Who are we to say “I deserve”???? By the same token who are we to say “I don’t deserve”? Seriously, we are all created b’ztelem elokim and therefore if Hashem chooses to bestow upon us his goodness and his blessings we must accept it graciously and understand that we do “deserve” it because we are Hashem’s children and deserve both the good and the bad that Hashem chooses to send our way.
It is counter-productive to say I don’t deserve the good Hashem sends me. Of course I do, and of course you do. Hashem is in charge of his schar and onesh system and it is HE who decides what schar and for what mitzvah each schar is given. We are ovdei Hashem, and we are here to do his bidding and do the tafkid he put us here to do. We don’t know what that tafkid is, so we do the best we can and we keep trying to do whatever mitzvos present themselves and take whatever opportunities we can to produce them on our own. We work to deserve Hashem’s blessings. WE ask for Hashem’s blessings, kindness and goodness. How can we then say we don’t deserve it???
We all deserve to be loved just for the simple reason that we ARE Hashem’s children. WE all deserve to be blessed because we ARE Hashem’s children. And we all deserve Hashem’s kindness and goodness because we ARE Hashem’s children. We each possess the love, kindness and goodness that he created in us and that he awakens in us and without the blessings, kindness and goodness that he pours into us, how could we possibly give that back to others?
Aries, I must just say all your posts are filled with so much generousity of spirit and goodness. On a cold rainy night in London they certainly lift the spirit, kol hakavod.
I wonder if both Middlepath and Aries are able to reach a wider audience through printed matter, feel certain a most appreciative audience would be waiting.
fuzzy
MP, you are so modest. MP stands for Modest People. Thanks Tahini, that is very sweet of you. I did have a column years back in a local paper.
MP, you already know what I think but you’re really SO awesome! Keep em coming!
I agree with tahini, and Aries, you’re so awesome too!
V nice thread but how does one accept when Hashem sends pain and illness to someone you love??? How could you possibly accept that? How can you accept your friend/familys pain and suffering???
wondering – I can only speak for my own experience. My little sister lived in chronic pain for years (chronic hepatitis and all its lovely side problems). One thing after another would appear, each was bad enough, and a new thing appeared. The worst for me to watch was something called cluster headaches. They put migraines to shame and have no real treatment. They last for months and are triggered by sleep so she would live in dread of night. Second only to this was the pain of being an older single with no visible end in sight. I sometimes wished I could close my eyes and pretend her pain would disappear. She didn’t complain and accepted Hashems gifts but I as a big sister was pained beyond belief. I only give these details to give you a reference from where I am answering.
Did I cry sometimes begging Hashem to make her life better? You bet. Did I wonder how we would survive this test? Sure. I begged Hashem to make it a temporary test, I begged Hashem to lessen my pain by healing her. I wondered what the big picture could possibly be. But in regard to acceptance – I accepted that this was her big picture. I assumed that there were lots of years and lives before hers that went into the making of this path. I knew that her attitude toward her nisayon would win her a huge prize in Olam Haba. She once said (on a really bad day) “Either Hashem hates me, or he has something really great in store for me in the future”. She NEVER asked why. And when she died at 40, it left me broken and dazed, but sorry only for myself. I envy the spot she must have near Hashem. I envy her ability (I assume) to tip those scales in her favor with all the suffering and all the willingness to accept it. I believe that acceptance of her suffering does not mean being okay with experiencing it. But I accept it.
I hope this makes some sort of sense. I realize I am making myself very vulnerable by writing it here but if I can give chizuk to any one moment of a persons life it is worth it to risk it.
It is very difficult to accept someone else’s suffering and pain since we don’t know why Hashem does what he does. Is it possible that a parent suffers what would or could have otherwise c”v meant to have happened to their child? Is it possible that we pray so hard for our children or the welfare of a parent that we make a deal with Hashem to take on their tzar instead of allowing them to suffer? Are good people suffering as a kaporah for others? This is all possible. Do people suffer in this world so they can have a truly peaceful Olam Habah? That is possible too. Do we watch others suffer to awaken something in us? To make us pull out all the stops, to call us to do real teshuva? To examine our own lives and make changes?
Any and all of these are possible, obviously I don’t have the answers. I do know this, when we see others suffer it changes us. WE can’t possibly be the same. We stop and think, yes we examine fact from fiction, priorities over nonsense, truth from fallacy, good from evil. Black and white somehow develops shades of gray. Somehow it doesn’t matter who was right and who was wrong anymore. We bring our values more into focus. We tend to count our blessings instead of whats “missing”. We find compassion where we didn’t know it existed, we find time we didn’t know we had, we do things we didn’t know we were capable of and we “do” just because we can.
We find our own inner strength and we do our best to try to bring it out in the choleh or the less fortunate soul as well. We fight for them and we try our best to make them fight to. We do what we can to lessen their burden, in allowing them to share their pain, to vent their frustrations we actually allow them to unburden a little bit of pain and suffering each and every time. As we allow them to share with us, we lessen the pain and suffering for them. WE do our best to understand that Hashem does what he does for a reason. We don’t know the reason. We are not meant to know the reasons. We are meant to have the emunah and bitachon just to accept that Hashem has a plan for each and every one of us and he tests each of us according to his own plan. It is up to us to do the right thing to pass the test.
The test for that person is the pain and suffering that they are going through. The test for us is what kind of support are we willing to give that person during their pain and suffering.
Thanks thank thanks Syag, Aries, Middlepath, thanks for sharing, thanks for making me feel better . A Lichtige Chanuka to you all
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