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Pitka Tava everybody.
I feel that I missed opportunities this year. I’m in a difficult environment and am struggling on many spiritual fronts. Rosh Hashana, davened well. Aseres Yemei Teshuva, I barely davened with kavana. Yom Kippur, I had a terrible headache and honestly was crying in shul from pain and not repentance. Now it’s almost Sukkos and I feel very guilty.
One year out of a BY environment and already I’m becoming less close to Hashem?
I’m a visual learner and don’t like shiurim. Davening is hard for me but I do it. Tznius in dress is fine but I’ve become very comfortable hearing a lot of immodest speech and with people not of our community.
How can I recoup my spiritual losses, if I’m in a spiritually difficult environment?
You should really speak to a Rav or Rabbanit. do you have any Seminary teachers you can contact or teachers from high school who you can speak to and who’s advice would be beneficial?
By the way if shiurim don’t work then you should have a mentor. Another thing that I find very beneficial is reading various self help books and sefarim.
Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller wrote many great books. Look into them and see if they appeal to you.
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