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What is the Mod Orth Machmir crowd’s range for Shadchanus?
What is the Mod Orth Machmir crowd’s range for Shadchanus?
What do you mean by “range?”
The Wolf
range for shadchanim?
I put shadchanim at about 100 yards.
It is far enough to make it fair, but still close enough for anyone to hit with a scope.
do u mean like YU crowd??
I’m asking what the average might be (the midpoint between the low-norm and the high-norm.
Average what? Income? Height? Level of observance? Amount of paprika they put on their chicken? Number of children?
The Wolf
do u mean like YU crowd??
I try not to shoot into crowds. Too hard to concentrate on my target.
Ofcourse, like WM said, I don’t think anyone here has the slightest idea what you are asking for, or what you mean by “range” or “average”.
wait…so whats ur question!!??!
Hello…READ the question!range of SHADCHANUS!
meaning how much they are paid for their work.
i set up a yu girl and shes married and i got nothing…what kinda question is that?? to each it differs…i say $10,000 is reasonable…
YU crowd probably like the chareidi crowd. (I’m assuming you mean $$$).
Hello…READ the question!range of SHADCHANUS!
meaning how much they are paid for their work.
Ah, okay, thanks for the clarification.
Why does the OP think that the Modern Orthodox Machmir crowd (is there really such a defined crowd?) pays any more or less for shadchanus than any other crowd?
The Wolf
Truthfully shadchanus is as much as one wants to give combined with how much u can afford.
Sometimes there are “difficult” cases. where the parents or someone else will promise even upto $5,000.
The average these days in my neck of the woods is 1500 to 1800..
but if one cant afford it or was not satisfied with the attitude or service it might be lower.
My mom once did a shidduch and she got a flower arrangement.. from then on when someone asks me how much I charge,,I say I dont charge but whatever it is “I’d like it money” not any kind of gift items..
Truthfully shadchanus is as much as one wants to give combined with how much u can afford.
I think it’s a chiyuv, based on the going rate.
It is a chiyuv.. There is no set price.
most people like to give ‘the going rate’
so they shoudnt be looked upon as a schnorrer or stingy etc..
I remember a few years ago the “going rate” was $1000 from each side, at least in the “circle” I hung with. I had a friend who was from a different “circle” and when her son got married, she told me she and the other side were so grateful, and they knew the shadchan was not wealthy, so they decided to give “extra” and they each gave $900 so that the total would be $1800.
Eeees and I (granted, we were not and are not professional shadchanim) arranged a shidduch a number of years back for some friends of ours. I got a gift certificate and Eeees got something (I don’t remember what, but it wasn’t anything major). Personally, I would have been okay with even getting nothing.
Yeah, I know… being happy with getting nothing would mean that I’m wicked because I disregard halacha.
The Wolf
Is that what you would do to reward your parents’ Shadchan for being a Shituf with Hashem in bringing you into the world?
That is a silly thing to say. You have no idea what I think about my parents being put together.
Since Shadchunnus is a business and my parents paid for the service -can I now sue my shadchan? I would sue for the original amount and all subseqent damages and future pain. Fair is fair.
Someone who calls themselves Modern Orthodox Machmir, are they machmir on the Modern or the Orthodox?
popa bar abba: I think the bottle toss is customary only if the marriage ends in divorce and the chosson is bankrupted by the settlement/alimony.
$1500-2000 each side.
ngo3:
That is one reason.
I was more thinking along the lines of harassing you, lying to you, etc.
I have a shidduch profile from a female who calls her “religious affiliation” modern orthodox machmir. The fellow who it was passed to is asking me to define. I cant. I have no clue. Obviously, I must ask the female what she means, but since this is a “standard form” and she just checked a box, what is the intention of this term?
Ofcourse; That word is an “Oxymoron”. (That word itself requires some (intense) research). A “Modern-Orthodox Machmir” is like driving a car with two gear boxes. One driving forward and the other driving backwards. Modern-Orthodox, by definition is seeking the least, most lenient, way out form of Yiddishkeit. Hugging the (I’ll be getting it over my head) Conservative movement’s level of observance. A Machmir, on the other hand is a “Charedi” Jew who is not content with the Shulchan Aruch. He always seeks new “Chumros”.
apushatayid; I have a very practical definition of a “Modern Orthodox Machmir”. A (young) lady who wears slacks that reach above the ankles and prays Three Times a day from the “Korban Mincha” Siddur. Maybe wears a “Shpitzel”, too.
Unfortunately, I’ve seen on some of these frum sites people posting under different catergories, not just one, like yeshvish.
And if you look at the picture, they don’t even look frum. Watch out -anybody can claim to be anything they want.
Since shadchunnus is a business, there are plenty in it for the money. And just like business people manipulate, lie, etc. to make a sale, so too will Shadchuhnim.
A modern “orthodox” person doesnt use a shadchan. They meet at parties and with friends.
edited
if you make a shiduch, it is a great mitzva and a zchus, and would be noble not to expcet $, unless you gave up a job and repalced it with shiduchim.
If you met your bashert thru a shadchan, OTOH, money is most appropriate, even a very small amount, according to what you can afford. Let them choose what they want to use the moeny for.
$750 is very nice. if you can afford $250 or even $36, all acceptable. Remember to include a card showing your appreciation. That will be cherished and long lasting…
So, may I wish you a Mazal Tov?
Yes, there is a category MO Machmir, and there are terrific group of people under that category. Attend a a minyan 3 times a day, kovea itim, and usually college educated. The more machmir- the better. You wont see their engagement pics in a way that would upset his Rav or her HS teacher…, or myself.
PRO: you are disagreeing with Halacha pesuka.The earlier posters got it correct. There is a absolute bonfide Halachic obligation to give shadchanus in line with the going rate. Unless you live in a community where what you write,
“if you can afford $250 or even $36, all acceptable”
is the accepted standard practice, then no, it is NOT acceptable.
For the recored i am NOT a shadchan.
Modern-Orthodox, by definition is seeking the least, most lenient, way out form of Yiddishkeit.
Then, I wager, you don’t know the definition of “Modern Orthodox.”
A Machmir, on the other hand is a “Charedi” Jew who is not content with the Shulchan Aruch. He always seeks new “Chumros”.
Well, I suppose a machmir, by definition, is always looking for chumros. But what is the value of always looking for chumros?
The Wolf
metrodriver I’m sure there is a joke in there, I just dont get it.
Wolfish Mu…; I may not know the Modern Orthodox “Lifestyle” but I know the people who live it.
I only addressed the definition of a Machmir. Not the usefulness of that lifestyle. The only problem with “Machmirim” is, when they want to force their personal Chumros on everyone else.
apushatayid; There is no joke, (hidden, or otherwise.) and no joke was intended. Just an attempt to define the mindset of a MO Machmir.
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