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I’m just curious, why did it become that a girl MUST go to seminary? My whole class is talking about seminaries now and some people don’t want to go. Everyone is making a huge deal that they’re crazy for not going. When did it become something we all have to do?? Why can’t people understand that it’s not for everybody. And some people will be worse off going to seminary than if they would stay home? I’m getting really frustrated!
Back when I had my “what on earth is the point of seminary” phase (you folks may remember the thread), I had a lot of friends who were a bit flummoxed about it but let it go, a few who wholeheartedly agreed, and one friend who bugged me about it and did her best to make sure I at least applied to sem- she told me which one I should go to, why, what I’d get out of sem, and that she was going to make sure that I went.
Long story short, I’m applying and I’m happy I am.
Basically, if someone’d reached twelfth grade and decided she doesn’t want sem, I’d ask why, but it’s none of my business- only if it’d be a close friend asking (like that one was). I think part of the reason why people tried to nudge me about it was that they knew the reasons why I didn’t want to go and thought I was wrong- in the case of that friend, not so much wrong as delusional :). If no reason is given, then it’s just decent manners to drop it. None of anyone else’s business why- it could be financial problems or a medical problem keeping someone from going, or even just her not wanting to, which is also valid.
TL;DR: I think it’s fine (and caring, in its way) to ask why someone’s not going to sem- it’s NOT fine to keep bugging about it unless you know EVERYTHING behind the scenes and you know the non-sem-goer doesn’t mind.
shidduch reasons?
” Ok, thx so now- which seminary did she go to? Oh- that one? hmmm…..”
😉
You do not havta go, there are seminaries also in england, NY, south africa, and many other places.
But the main idea, i beleive of Seminary is a year to grow with Hashem! Best way to do that is to be in Israel….plus most people go to sem on their own. So if you wanna stay home, who is stopping you?
For most it is a great opurtunity, if you feel that its not for you, then dont go!
What reasons ARE THERE for not wanting to go?!?!??!
It’s funny, because for years I’ve always said I don’t want to go, I’m not going, there’s no point… I guess cuz I wasn’t interested in another year of sitting behind a desk, another year of teachers, more changes I would have to adjust to etc. My friends thought I was nuts (similar to writersoul’s experience) But once I got in to 12th grade I was like, I am so not ready to leave! My parents were ecstatic. Fortunately, I got in to the seminary of my choice, unfortunately unforeseeable medical circumstances came up and there was no way I would be able to attend seminary as it would negatively affect my health. My friends thought how ironic it was that I finally got my wish, I was not going to sem, and I was actually disappointed.
In response to the OP – It’s true there are people who would be worse off attending sem, however as need seminary help said – people are really interested in where you spent your year and it means a lot in shidduchim. People seem to think that if a girl did not go to seminary she isn’t spiritual, she’s not grounded,(I’ve heard this too many times…) and there must be something wrong with her. At least that’s what I hear, so that’s what I think.
However, I must end saying: there are plenty of opportunities at home, and in a small way I am grateful for that year I was home. I started schooling, found a part time job, and was able to accomplish a lot more than if I had gone to seminary. I have more experience in the so called “real world” than most people my age, and I’m further ahead in my education. So while it may not be so accepted not to go, I really don’t see why?! Anyone?
If there is a real reason why someone is not able to go to sem, then fine. However, it is a major experience (as long as you find the right one for you), and you will learn many things that you will not learn by staying at home and starting college. In today’s world, a girl may not necessarily get all the right hashkafos and lessons on building a home and family by simply having been brought up in a frum home. It is so common for mothers to work now that they may be too busy to give their daughters these vitally important lessons for life. One lesson from seminary that will stay with me forever is this quote from a teacher: Marriage is hard work. Hard is not bad. Work is not bad. Hard work is not bad.
This keeps me going. In today’s disposable world, we need this kind of lesson to understand how to build the rest of our lives, and guaranteed a girl will not get that at home any more.
I think the reason why people assume your not spiritual if you don’t attend sem is because it so common to go. In other words, being that it is so accepted to go to seminary, it’s just one more year of learning and growing – people jump to conclusions that obviously you’re not interested in growing. Because why else would you give up a year most girls look forward to?
As for why people make it into something you have to do, I’m unsure. But society dictates. It’s your choice whether you want to follow or not.
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