Radical shidduchim idea I want your input
Home › Forums › Decaffeinated Coffee › Radical shidduchim idea I want your input
- This topic has 12 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 2 months ago by groisakishka.
January 7, 2013 7:13 am at 7:13 am #607722
I have an idea which I think would be very beneficial to parents of eligible boys and girls as well as shadchanim.
Call it the shidduchim database.
Basically the idea is to create a database that has the name of every boy and girl and each name has an entry that includes their full Shidduch resume. So basically any time a name gets passed on to you, its a quick search away from seeing the resume. The database should also be searchable by name of Yeshiva/Seminary and neighborhood…
Additionally a system should be set up where the names are apportioned out to various shadchanim and they become official Shadchan of those boys and girls and it is their responsibility to work on these names. So the shadchan of the boy will work together with the Shadchan of the girl to make the shidduch happen. I really think that if this were created it can really streamline the process and make things much easier on parents and make an official and efficient matchmaking system instead of the current pot luck mess that is going nowhere.January 7, 2013 2:57 pm at 2:57 pm #917937SaysMeMember
isn’t that kinda what the online shidduch programs are?January 7, 2013 3:14 pm at 3:14 pm #917938
BumpJanuary 7, 2013 3:16 pm at 3:16 pm #917939
The current pot luck mess seems to get at least 95% married within a few years.January 8, 2013 9:39 am at 9:39 am #917940YW Moderator-42Moderator
It’s called sawyouatsinai, jwed …January 8, 2013 1:48 pm at 1:48 pm #917941
Yeah but how many people use those websites? A few 1000 tops and most members are modern orthodox. Most people who are young and not of the MO camp would not contemplate using a website for dating.
My idea is not a website but rather a database for the yeshivish/heimish velt for everyone…where any name thrown at you can be researched on the fly so that if someone redts a shidduch they can give you a list of names and you can quickly look them up as opposed to the Shadchan having to track down resumes on each girl and then emailing it to you or delivering it to you by hand….Also an ability to do your own research and not overburden the Shadchanim. Lets say you know of a girl or a boy you can search the database and their resume comes up now you know who you can call for information. Or you are looking for guys of a certain age from x Yeshiva boom search the database and you get a list of names matching that age and yeshiva.
I’m talking about speeding up the system but also having every single person in shidduchim assigned a shadchan or lets say every girls Seminary assigned 1 or 2 or as many as needed Shadchanim as well as every yeshiva and these Shadchanim must work on those names. They are their priority. Maybe make it even more official that a Shadchan can only work on the names they are given and may not get involved with any other names. So now say you have a list of 50 guys or girls you now know its your job and your business to get THESE people married. You now have a focused job. Not “hmm lets see who I have who can I try and set up.” I’m talking about an all encompassing program that is really geared towards results. It should be run like a business where everyone has their job and everyone knows what they are supposed to do and every single knows somebody is working for them to get them married. Its big. But I think it would help if we could implement such a program.January 8, 2013 1:51 pm at 1:51 pm #917942
SaysMe and 42,
If I understand WIY correctly, the shiduchim would be redt offline by live shadchanim. The database would just be a way of allowing easy access to information.January 8, 2013 1:52 pm at 1:52 pm #917943
It isn’t working. And why should someone have to wait and suffer 3 or 4 years of fruitless dates to get married if its possible to do it in a quarter of the time?!January 8, 2013 2:52 pm at 2:52 pm #917944popa_bar_abbaParticipant
So start one.
None of my friends would have put their info in though. Why should they?January 8, 2013 3:21 pm at 3:21 pm #917945The little I knowParticipant
No one can fault the OP for suggesting that we look to use technology to our advantage, making something we need to do more efficient. However, this is one of those things that has so many real obstacles that it is prohibitive. Here are some obvious problems:
1. Who will verify the information contained in this shidduch resume? If it is not verified, we continue to have the problem, well known to the community that the word ???? is ???? ????? for ??? ???? ??? ????. Nothing gained.
2. Information that gets entered on a database is concrete. There is no way one can successfully include the needed information about personality, emotional presentation, or about chemistry. One would still need to invest the time in collecting information about impressions from others. No one would be so insane as to trust this public database to make or break a shidduch.
3. It is frightening that this database could someday be used as a mechanism to have shidduchim developed online, with a formula to determine compatibility based on concrete data.
4. In the real shidduch world, there is a give and take process where someone will determine that factors that would otherwise be considered a negative are accepted because of the desire for the positives. No database can substitute for human judgment.
5. This will contribute to the end of the world. The gemora tells us that HKB”H is busy ???? ?????? ??????. There would be no work left for Him!
6. This database would also apportion which shadchanim should accept which shidduchim. That almost guarantees that the shadchan that will deal with my child will be a total stranger who does not know me, my family, my child, and the same for the other side. That should be scary.
There are more issues. Certain things cannot be replaced by robots. It might work well on the assembly line in a factory. For truly human matters, it just makes for a good joke.January 8, 2013 3:41 pm at 3:41 pm #917946popa_bar_abbaParticipant
Besides, my life is private. I don’t need all the details available to every yenta and wanna be yenta.January 8, 2013 4:45 pm at 4:45 pm #917947
It didn’t work for you. It worked for me.January 8, 2013 9:23 pm at 9:23 pm #917948groisakishkaMember
its like the rap report of diamonds.net. Why don’t you rate every person’s profile while your at it
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.