March 10, 2019 2:34 pm at 2:34 pm #1692286JosephParticipant
Anyone with a girl who goes to the movies Friday nights and is looking for a Lakewood bochor to marry should contact the MO shadchan “Mr. Rebbetzin”, as he specializes in such shidduchim.March 10, 2019 2:36 pm at 2:36 pm #1692259
Girl thinks that the boy will change.
Boy thinks the girl won`t change.
Both are wrong.March 10, 2019 2:37 pm at 2:37 pm #1692267GadolhadorahParticipant
Rebbitzen: If Briskboyz is the subject of this thread and posted above that he just became aware of this CR thread you started but would consult with his rebbe about his OWN SITUATION, do you consult with him before updating all of us on how the first date went. I suspect by now every bochur in Lakewood knows who he is, where they went for their first date and whether they’ve discussed the important stuff in life such as gebrokts, yekeshe hashgacha and testing Uggs for shatens. Seems a bit weird to have both you and the subject of your thread posting updates contemporaneously. The fact that he his here in the CR posting on the internet suggests he has the flexibility to find a common ground with this “moderneshe” young lady.March 10, 2019 4:39 pm at 4:39 pm #1692309
Full disclosure: The girl`s father is Rosh Kollel in a MO Kollel (hence references to Rabbi JB Soleveitchik and Rav Hershel Shachter – in another thread etc).
The consensus is that the girls whose father`s are Rosh Yeshiva or Rosh Kollel get the pick of the boys because they can afford to pay (if they are successful fundraisers). It makes no diff if the Kollel or Yeshiva is MO…they get the top boys.
For the boys in Lakewood watching this thread – take notes…it`s happening…live.March 10, 2019 7:59 pm at 7:59 pm #1692370iacisrmmaParticipant
reb. I have never heard the story that you heard by Rabbi Frand but the story regading the milchigs kiddush on shavuous is in one of Rbbi Krohn’s maggid books as well as the artscroll biography of Reb Yaakov. I live near one of Reb Yaakov’s granddaughters and verified that the family minhag is to eat gebrokts while reb Yaakov himself did not based on the story of why he did not eat gebrokts as i saw it in the artscroll biography.March 10, 2019 8:05 pm at 8:05 pm #1692385HealthParticipant
Rebbitzen Goldenpickanicerscreenname -“Full disclosure: The girl`s father is Rosh Kollel in a MO Kollel (hence references to Rabbi JB Soleveitchik and Rav Hershel Shachter – in another thread etc).
The consensus is that the girls whose father`s are Rosh Yeshiva or Rosh Kollel get the pick of the boys because they can afford to pay (if they are successful fundraisers). It makes no diff if the Kollel or Yeshiva is MO…they get the top boys”
This is an exception. Your original question was a regular MO to Yehivish.
“Health – you might not know that sefardim follow the Bais Yossef (generally more maikel)”
The meat is more Machmir.March 10, 2019 8:44 pm at 8:44 pm #1692412JosephParticipant
Mr. Rebbetzin: Steven I. Weiss proved six years ago that your citation about Rav Shach as well as about yesh al ma lismoch are forgeries of Prof. Michael Broyde.March 10, 2019 8:46 pm at 8:46 pm #1692417GadolhadorahParticipant
As noted above, if I was the boy/girl who are the subject of this thread, I would tell the rebbitzen and all the other well meaning ba’al ha’batim to “bug out” and let us figure it out for ourselves. Hopefully, this will have a happy ending and several months from now, we might be watching a video of the mitzvah tanz.March 10, 2019 11:18 pm at 11:18 pm #1692463
People feel the need to revise history and sanitize all gedolim from any perceived imperfections that may diminish their gadlus in our tiny eyes, not realizing that all gedolim had imperfections, from Moshe hitting the rock to tannoyim and certainly their wives (who were not gedolim) had imperfections. That is what made them gedolim and not malachim.
You accept perceived imperfections in gedolim that you are not machshiv, but battle historical facts against any imperfection of a gadol that you revere. Even if it means denying what Rabbi Isser Zalman Meltzer said about his neice, the wife of Rav Shach and denying photos that were printed.March 11, 2019 12:09 pm at 12:09 pm #1692727lowerourtuition11210Participant
Personally, I would never agree to a shidduch for my children with someone whose hashkofas are totally the opposite of my own.March 11, 2019 2:46 pm at 2:46 pm #1692933
Personally, I would never agree to a shidduch for my children with someone whose hashkofas are totally the opposite of my own.
So I guess you would not let your children marry a Sefard (Or an Ashlenaz if you are a Sefard)March 11, 2019 2:46 pm at 2:46 pm #1692954lowerourtuition11210Participant
GH: who says there will be a mitzvah tantz?March 11, 2019 2:52 pm at 2:52 pm #1692963
do ashkenazim and sefardim have different hashkafos?March 11, 2019 3:02 pm at 3:02 pm #1692982
do ashkenazim and sefardim have different hashkafos?
the 2 biggest ones are Kitnyot and SelichotMarch 11, 2019 3:03 pm at 3:03 pm #1692994
What about a black yeshiva boy or Bais Yaakov girl (not a ger) with your hashkofos – would that be ok for your children? Does color of skin matter?!March 11, 2019 3:24 pm at 3:24 pm #1693018
And What about a Ger? Would you not allow your children to marry a Ger because the Hashghafa is differnet?March 11, 2019 3:58 pm at 3:58 pm #1693024frumfitnessfreakParticipant
If the guy is really a serious learner in Lakewood, I cannot imagine he would agree to be set up, let alone his parents approving of it. If he is willing to go out, I would question how serious is. Bottom line: he would have to accept the way she is now–there is no guarantee that even if she agreed to be “frummer,” that she will or that it will last. And from the girl’s part, I find it hard to believe that despite the commonalities, that she would agree to go out with a boy who plans to be a long-time learner unless she already is leaning in that direction.March 11, 2019 4:51 pm at 4:51 pm #1693102
“the 2 biggest ones are Kitnyot and Selichot”
These are not hashkafos. they are minhagim in halacha.March 11, 2019 6:04 pm at 6:04 pm #1693105
I think its a good idea to be involved with shidduchim. It’s a bad idea to deliberately waste someones time. If you think it’s a good idea, suggest it, and the parties involved disagree, they will say no thanks.March 11, 2019 6:04 pm at 6:04 pm #1693128sifsei chachamimParticipant
The question is why was a serious Lakewood bochur at a seudas shabbos with a MO girl?March 11, 2019 7:25 pm at 7:25 pm #1693164HealthParticipant
SC -“The question is why was a serious Lakewood bochur at a seudas shabbos with a MO girl?”
No. The question is why did they go out on a date?March 11, 2019 7:28 pm at 7:28 pm #1693176
He is a serious Lakewwod boy with long-term kollel ahead of him while she is a MO girl brought up with every kulah in halacha (including wearing pants) that will never adopt the chumros of yeshivish standards.
Does he also wear pants?March 11, 2019 7:28 pm at 7:28 pm #1693187
fff – “If the guy is really a serious learner in Lakewood, I cannot imagine he would agree to be set up, let alone his parents approving of it. If he is willing to go out, I would question how serious is. ”
This girl ,besides all her personal maalos, is an actuary, earning 6-figures. She can easily support the long term learning of this bochur and can work remotely from EY using internet. This allows a serious lerner to reach for his dreams!
On top of that, she is machshiv Torah learning as her father is a RY and Rosh Kollel in a MO yeshiva. Plus, her parents would help major expenses like buying a house, car, bungalow, flights etc.
Girls hope the biy will change with time – and become less of a shlump – but it doesn’t happen.
Bochurim hope the girl won’t change – stay just a she is. Softspoken, aidel, fit. But she will change. The size 2 becomes size 12, The aidel maidel becomes an opinionated pisk.
Hashkofos – everyone can deal with it by learning to leave to G-d the relationship with G-d.March 11, 2019 8:06 pm at 8:06 pm #1693272
Bochurim hope the girl won’t change
How do you know what bochurim hope if you are a rebbetzin.March 12, 2019 11:24 am at 11:24 am #1693569mmftParticipant
I think most people would agree that it can work out between them with compromises and the like as you see in cases where after marriage a spouse changes level of observance many rabbonim under specific circumstances say to stay together and work it out but for someone to enter this situation when still single is risky and not worth it there are many girls on the same page as him hashkofa wise with great middos hobbies etc.March 12, 2019 12:17 pm at 12:17 pm #1693594
Cap Bump – How do I know? I know things about people.March 12, 2019 12:19 pm at 12:19 pm #1693621Workingbochur95Participant
If the girl grew up MO and became much more BY-type in seminary, then there should be no hashkafic issues between them.
I am an ex-Modox bochur in the parsha who became Charedi in Yeshivat Ohr Yerushalayim. I have been in the Yeshivish velt for four years.
A lot of BY type girls (some as old as 23!) refuse to go out with me because they truly believe my family’s lower level of frumkeit can cause Shalom bayis issues!! This is wrong!March 12, 2019 1:50 pm at 1:50 pm #1693666
Setting up a MO girl with a serious Lakewood bochur = good idea or not?
How about Setting up a MO boy with a serious Lakewood bochuretteMarch 19, 2019 7:13 pm at 7:13 pm #1698853
Good News! Third pegisha and all systems go – except the MO girl admires Chabad and they argued about it. Is that grounds to break the shidduch? I do know another bochur, a Brisker, that could take over!
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