April 16, 2017 1:41 pm at 1:41 pm #1254589
yeshivastudent, I was saying that I agree with you. But in my circumstance marrying someone more modern might be the best option.April 16, 2017 5:43 pm at 5:43 pm #1254743
RS: sorry for the late response. Busy Yom Tom…
I was trying to be cute and tie in two things. Your emojis didn’t work because you didn’t space before starting them, and the system is programmed to consider a punctuation mark after a sentence with a parenthesis following it as part of the sentence, which it often is.
As to your shidduch issue, I’m suggesting you take a step back and not make a decision now, iow give yourself some space. All our advice is apparently falling on deaf ears, and you seem to be pushed in the opposite direction.
So instead of thinking it’s either him or not, tell him and yourself that you’re taking a break for say 1/2 a year, and afterwards you’ll reconsider your options. And do just that. Focus on your studies, your Yiddishkeit, strengthening your relationship with your parents and teachers/Rabbis etc.
A little time off dating won’t hurt you, and you can gain immense perspective.
Good luck and Gutt Yom Tov!April 19, 2017 12:37 am at 12:37 am #1254926
mammele, I have decided to give it the go. Now whenever I am thinking maybe he wont be the right guy. I say he has potential allow him to fulfill it. Why push him away?April 19, 2017 2:12 am at 2:12 am #1254962Lilmod UlelamaidParticipant
Everyone has potential. Barak Obama has potential too, but I’m not going to marry him just to see if he ends up fulfilling it.
(ok, I know he’s a goy and that was a weird example, but I couldn’t bring a Jew as an example since it would be L”H, and I couldn’t think of a better example, but you get the point in any case.)April 19, 2017 8:40 am at 8:40 am #1255032
RS: I didn’t say you should “dump” him. I said wait 6 months then reevaluate.
Those 6 months will allow some time for both of you to reach closer to your respective potentials (it’s almost morning Motzei Pesach – I hope I’m forgiven for this most likely non-word) and then see if you’ve gotten closer or further to a meeting of the minds and neshomos.
If waiting 6 months equals pushing him away — for a guy that supposedly is willing to change his life for you (stay in learning etc.) — then I have a “news flash” for you: He’s not Mr. Right, you’ve simply come across as easy picking.
Good luck!April 19, 2017 8:47 am at 8:47 am #1255037
Lilmod, it is not like that. Imagine if you liked the guy. Then say that.April 19, 2017 10:23 am at 10:23 am #1255193
RS: in case you missed my post, see above yours.April 19, 2017 2:44 pm at 2:44 pm #1255380
Mammele, he is looking to get married not for a girl friend.April 19, 2017 3:10 pm at 3:10 pm #1255391
I didn’t say you should be “casual” with him instead of date. If I wasn’t clear enough I’ll try to be clear now: TOTALLY STEER CLEAR OF HIM FOR 6 MONTHS. But don’t do it in a nasty way, let him know beforehand.
Then see where both of you are at, at that point.April 19, 2017 11:07 pm at 11:07 pm #1257800
Mammele, we were very friendly today since we have been getting to know each other well over the course of time.April 20, 2017 7:04 am at 7:04 am #1257964Lilmod UlelamaidParticipant
Mammele – that’s not exactly the way I see it, or at least I don’t think it’s the whole picture, although it might be part of it. I think she is looking for encouragement to do what she knows is the right thing to do but finds too difficult to do.
On the other hand, because it is so hard for her, she gets defensive when she is given the encouragement she is seeking and switches back to the other side.
I could be wrong. There really is no way to know, because l’maaseh this is something exceedingly difficult for her.April 20, 2017 9:42 am at 9:42 am #1258084
Lilmod, your right.
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