Tznius issue – what would you do?

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  • #774647

    apushatayid
    Participant

    “Shaatnez D’Oraisa, knowingly.”

    Unless you are an expert in hilchos shatnez, already inspected this particular item of clothing, know for sure it wasn’t corrected AND know he/she put it on deliberately….that is a lot of “ifs”.

    There seems to be an unhealthy infatuation and preoccupation with anything related to “tznius”, especially among men.

    #774648

    Shrek
    Member

    There are plenty of qualified rebbetzins around to guide and advise women regarding tznius issues. Men should not get involved in this area.

    #774649

    Master
    Member

    Men should not get involved in this area.

    Rabbis, fathers, and husbands have the primary duty in this area.

    #774650

    charliehall
    Participant

    “If you see someone wearing shaatnez doraisa knowingly”

    My assumption was that the person was NOT wearing shatnez knowingly.

    #774651

    mandy
    Member

    If a man came up to me and commented on my clothing choices, I would think that he is dangerous or mentally unwell.

    #774652

    Shrek
    Member

    agree with Mandy. I think a woman would be more likely to accept the comments regarding her clothes from a woman. If she will listen at all.

    A man who goes over to a woman to comment on her tznius/lack thereof looks like a wacko. My daughters know to scream loudly and back away if a man is acting inappropriately to them, and this is behavior that would qualify.

    #774653

    theres no question whether it is appropriate for a man to comment no matter how embarrassing or untznius the it is, for a women to comment is a different story.

    #774654

    always here
    Participant

    I, personally, would PLOTZ if a man, especially a very frum looking one, told me something about my appearance that would embarrass me.

    OTOH, I would greatly appreciate it if a woman would tell me.

    #774655

    s2021
    Member

    I would want someone to tell me as quickly as possible.. If it wont b from a woman Ill take it from a man. The more minutes that go by the greater the embarrasment.

    #774657

    Lechayim120
    Member

    Several comments:

    Men should not be discussing this issue especially online. Obviously you have been looking where you should not. Would you tell your wife about this scenario? I don’t think she would like this in any shape or form.

    As a woman, I have difficulty approaching other woman who are wearing less than tzisudik clothing, so it certainly would be inappropriate for a man to do so. However, in the case of where the button popped and the woman was totally unaware, asking snother woman to inform her would be the most appropriate. Handing her a note will let her know that a man saw something he should not have and cause her great embarrassment. In the case of the tight skirt, most women are aware if their clothing is tight, so a man looking is inappropriate and he should not comment.

    #774658

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    GAW, if its something unintentional (like your undershirt sticking out), I would first try to ask a woman to mention it. However, that’s “dangerous” also. But I would appreciate it.

    If it were something like “Your skirt is too short” then I wouldn’t appreciate it.

    #774659

    shlishi
    Member

    If there’s an issue, someone has to tell her. Whether it was intentional or unintentional. Whether it’s a missing button, too tight, or too short.

    #774660

    hanib
    Participant

    guy should absolutely NOT say anything; just look the other way!

    #774661

    ZeesKite
    Participant

    What I would do? I’d call out “Guys, look the other way!”

    #774662

    i agree with mandy’s comment above.

    Even if the man humbly approached me, and was an 80 year old bent over little chassidisher dayan, averting his eyes, to the floor while barely whispering his message to me…Its still really weird.

    #774664

    Come on. You take the hardest object you can find, throw it at her and yell “Shiksa” at the top of your lungs. That alerts the tznius patrol, who deal with her as a pritza should be dealt with!

    Sometimes looking the other way, as I once did when a woman (who turned out to be my friend’s wife) is improperly dressed. She got the message judging by her reaction (and fortunately she did not see who it was because it was dark and I was wearing black).

    #774665

    this conversation is waaaay innapropriate, though u definetly shud not point it out to her. And why were u looking at women to notice that anyway? ur head shud be down like all of us frum men, where they belong 🙂

    #774666

    gavra_at_work
    Participant

    Thank you all for your thoughts.

    #774667

    I had a similar situation to this today. I went out with a friend and her husband came to drive us home. When he got out of the car to help me with the stroller, I saw that his pants zipper was open. There was no way I was going to say anything to him, but I briefly entertained the thought of telling my friend so she could tell her husband. I didn’t end up saying anything because I thought she might be embarrassed if I would point it out to her too.

    #774668

    Shrek
    Member

    leave an anonymous note in their mailbox.

    #774669

    Pac-Man
    Member

    Or hand her a folder note on the spot.

    #774670

    I chose to do nothing about it because it was very obvious (black pants with white showing through the open zipper) and I knew that she would see it on her own. I saw it before her because she got into the car before he came out to help me, but I knew that as soon as they would both get out together, she would see and tell him.

    #774671

    adorable
    Participant

    MII- i would not tell my friend because she will be embarrassed too as you mentioned. as long as its only you…what about if you were going to a wedding together and you realized it then. would you tell him then? Dont think I would but not sure

    #774672

    mewho
    Participant

    why does this happen to men. i dont forget to zip up my skirts

    #774673

    always here
    Participant

    I must admit that today I got a big shock to my reality.

    a friend is visiting from Israel & we were sitting on my porch. she was telling me about how surprised she is by how soo many women are wearing above-the-knee skirts, but especially surprised by the number of ‘older’ women doing so. as we sat on my porch we saw a few examples of this walk by: a youngish married gal I was a little surprised by, but a couple of women in their forties! I had been reading about it here in the CR, & read about it in letters to the Jewish newspapers, but I figured they were talking about girls/ young women.

    when I go to shul I don’t pay attention to what the women are wearing, but I have a feeling that this Shavuos I may pay closer attention to the skirt lengths… especially of ‘older’ women.

    #774674

    shlishi
    Member

    always here, why would you be more surprised it is done by women in their 40’s than those in their 20’s and 30’s? I never knew pritzus to be an age based issue.

    #774675

    always here
    Participant

    shlishi~ you are correct. but it just looked soo inappropriate on those older gals.. one was walking w/ a grey bearded spouse, and the dress was not at her knees– it was definitely above her knees :/

    #774676

    hanab
    Member

    We went to a local seashore on Chol Hamoed. It was cool enough that there was almost nobody there, and if we stayed to ourselves, there was nothing wrong for the men to see. Except, that there was another frum family there & the wife was sitting on a bench. Perhaps her skirt was long enough when she was standing, but… I couldn’t decide if I should go over & say, “I am sure you don’t realize what’s showing”. In the end I didn’t have the nerve.

    Really, I don’t understand it. I just don’t. If anyone can explain it to me????

    Men, you don’t tell your wife when something is showing? What, you just don’t care? Or you’re too afraid of her? I don’t understand that either. There’s a nice way to say everything!

    #774677

    Englishman
    Member

    A husband is obligated to advise his wife and daughter.

    #774679

    observanteen
    Member

    “Men, you don’t tell your wife when something is showing? What, you just don’t care?”

    I went to buy a dress the other day. There was a woman (probably in her 30s) with her very frum looking husband. She tried a dress which was tight to say the least and “almost” covered her knees. She kinda looked uncertain whether or not it looked ok. She asked for her husband’s advice. He said, “It’s gorgeous. The length is PERFECT. Not too long or too short.” I was almost going to cry. This woman looked like a typical BP lady who would do as her husband tells her. Sometimes, the woman isn’t to blame. Indeed, why DON’T you care, men???

    #774680

    goldenkint
    Member

    not such a tsanua discussion, with details, hey can we have a women only site, with dna testing to make sure

Viewing 31 posts - 51 through 81 (of 81 total)
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