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I am in yeshiva in the mornings and I learn night seder somewhere else in the afternoon. I go to 3 college classes a week. I was in a yeshiva a few years ago and I left because my Anxiety got out of hand and it had to do with the yeshiva so I had to leave. THis past elul I decided to try yeshiva again and now I am regretting it. I would like to go back to working part time and just learning an hour in the morning and another at night bc the anxiety and stress being in yeshiva causes me is getting overwhelming. I just feel it may not be the best move to leave yeshiva to avoid a problem…as my therapist say…but it isn’t just the anxiety I also feel yeshiva is just very stressful…hasrd for me not to become dependent on the redbbeim…my chavruta isn’t very shtark…and maybe its not such a bad idea to make a few bucks…WHat do u think I should do?
Reb yid, I feel for you but this isnt the place to go asking for advice on how you should live your life. Your Rabbeim and therapist should work together with you to try and come up with something that an work. If you want my common sense advice I will tell you from experience, you cant enjoy and shtieg in learning unless you are serious about it and you have the proper chavrusa. Theres no way you can measure if yeshiva can work for you without giving it a fair (your best) shot. A non serious chavrusa is a recipe for burnout. Speak to whomever it is overthere who is in charge of chavrusas and get as good of a chavrusa that you can get. That is a major ingredient to Hatzlacha in learning.
I wish you much Hatzlacha and siyatta dishmaya in all your endeavors.
I would get a second opinion from another therapist if that is possible.
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dhl144, I Feel for u. Transferring of leaving yeshiva may not be the best solution because you are teaching your concious mind that whatever you can’t cope with in life you should just leave…
Which i think is partly an immaturity issue.. If you train yourself now that you need to deal with it and not just leave it will be beneficial god you in the long run… You will come to realize that you can cope and you can achieve. And that’s what you need to prove to yourself. You might want to change chavrusas to improve the situation but leaving is not going to solve anything. If you leave now You will only find yourself leaving the next place sooner rather than later..
well if the yeshiva is really not working out for you then you can find another one that suits you better ! I dont think hashem would want you to stay in a place that your feeling miserable from. I think you should work it out the best you can in that yeshiva,if its still not working out , then find a better yeshiva that suits you and your needs!! good luck!
Hello dh1144,
I am sorry for your anxiety, and just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I have a hopefully heartening story to share here, but before I do, I wish you the best of luck deciding what to do and finding the answers you need by searching your heart, asking G-d, and talking with loved ones.
Now for the short story…when I was in law school ten to twelve years ago, my anxiety grew out of control. I was so overwhelmed by the anxiety, like you. I felt like Penn was often competitive in negative ways. I studied like crazy, feeling alone in a school where the lion’s share of students enter very large corporate law firms (I entered law school knowing I would be a child advocate attorney). No matter how hard I strove for academic excellence, I was an A- and B+ student. My best efforts had previously brought me the best possible grades, so I felt as if I was letting myself down. I had always been very private with my academics and felt intensely uncomfortable having fellow students asking me outright how I had done on x, y, or z, hearing ratings discussed ad nauseam around me, etc. The anxiety got to the point where I couldn’t keep my food down and had to go to the emergency room a couple times with what appeared to be seizures (later I came to find out that I was having panic attacks).
The day of my PA bar exam for which I had studied so hard, I woke up with a migraine that had a visual aura so that I didn’t have all my eyesight. I felt crushed — what was I going to do? A lot of money was lost, and more importantly I felt like my hopes and dreams were on the rocks. Even if I kept studying intensely until the next bar exam in six months, would I remember enough to pass? And even if I did, would the same anxiety-induced sickness come over me again at the crucial moment?
As hard as it was, I began a process of trying to take things a day at a time, being “in the moment,” rather than getting carried away by the “what ifs,” as is my propensity. I did the best I could for each day, studying consistently but not as to overwhelm myself when my brain was full. I put down the money for the next bar exam and fought not to think too much about it. When the time came, my mother offered to travel and stay with me for the two days in the hotel, and I will always be thankful for her presence at that time.
And then, that following February…I took the bar exam for the first time, and I passed!
That morning in July of 2002 when I woke up with tunnel vision from that migraine, I did not think that I could possibly do what I accomplished the following February. A day at a time, giving my fears and worries over to G-d, with support from my loved ones, made the difference.
Whatever you decide in your own unique and personal situation, please believe that amazing things truly are possible. I would not wish anxiety or panic attacks on anyone — they are profoundly debilitating, and your health must come first. Even still and despite those times, however, I believe that G-d has wonderful plans for us and will gently help us get there, one day at a time.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers 🙂
I used to learn in yeshiva in the morning, work in the afternoon and go to school twice a week in the evening. It was too much for me, so I left yeshiva but still learned for an hour in the morning. You shouldn’t feel guilty about leaving yeshiva. It’s not meant for everyone. Good luck and remember everything will work itself out
Hello dh1144, I am glad that you found something that spoke to you in what I wrote about the battle against anxiety. I am also very happy to hear that you have found your way to a study program that fits you better — best of luck in this new endeavor! I do believe that G-d shows us, sometimes in subtle ways, that He is looking out for us 🙂
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