I just made a chocolate cake
For Shavuos I thought I would bake
It looked just so yummy
That there's lots in my tummy
Another one I'll have to make.
The cream cheese icing on top
Meant that I just couldn't stop
Now that one "little" taste
Has expanded my waist
I think another slice I will chop.
I have now had coffee and cake
Dinner, I just didn't make.
Boy did I fress!
My kitchen's a mess
But I think a nap I will take.
Among recent Cr threads was discussed
Was how to raise one's self esteem to A+'d
Through word and through deed
But what we really need
Is to have in Hashem complete trust.
Pirkei Avos tells us that we should
Think of ourselves as quite good
If bad attitudes win
It leads us to sin
And that's what must be understood.
One original poster entreated
Us to say who we'd like to have meeted
From CR or RL
But I'll never tell
Because my list is too long to be tweeted.
As you will soon know from this ditty
I am being silly and giddy.
I have been up all night
Something's not right.
So, another limerick from this old biddy.
Back in biblical times
When a man lived twenty times nine
Do you think he was able
To sit at a table
At the bank and ask for loan prime?
"I think bist a hoondret und tzvantzik
The loan will be paid back in gantzik
Then for sixty more years
The mortgage is clear
And monthly we'll be able to tantz-ik."
For example, Noach the builder
Was short a few thousand guilder.
Said:"I know my home's large
But it converts to a barge
To shlep animals out of the vilder."
Would the bankers consider our Noach?
They could see he certainly had koach.
For such intricate detail
Before he could set sail.
I think they would give him the dough-ach.
This ends my ridiculous premise
I promise - this the emmes.
I'm going back to bed now
I hope to sleep, somehow
And maybe my poem will get famous.
Minyan- You are famous already (here!)
On Shavuos we all rejoice
With great diginity and poise
Men stay up all night
And reach a greater height
Learning aloud in a clear voice.
It hasn't been even one year
And twelve pages we have filled up here.
Most are just bandwidth waste
That we've written in haste
But they've made all our friendships more dear.
So Blinky I thank you a lot
This idea of yours was so hot
We're all having fun here
No work's getting done here
And do I care about that - NOT.
PS:
I find that most of the time
I am speaking in metre and rhyme.
A-A-B-B-A
Try saying that all day
And my friends fear I'm crossing the line.
Tonight is Tikkun L'eil Shavuot.
I certainly hope I can do it
To stay wide awake
So more knowledge I'll take
And share in community ruach.
I know we will have lots to eat
There'll be blintzes and cheesecake - no meat.
We'll study Torah all night
It will be pure delight
In the morning, my pillow I'll greet.
Chag Sameach to all of my CR friends. Study, fress and enjoy.
This Mazel Tov is for a great guy
By the name of Am Yisrael Chai
He just had his marriage
Iy"h soon a carriage
And to his wonderful Kallah- hi!
Chag someach to everyone too!
To Am Yisroel Chai:
May I also add wishes - the best
I'm quite sure that I speak for the rest.
Have a long happy life
With your lovely new wife
And with good health you both should be blessed.
My how this week has flown
But my knowledge of Torah has grown.
With Shavuos behind us,
It's time to remind us
To have a Shabbat filled with peace in our home.
Frankly I'm all cheesecaked out.
I've gained fifteen lbs. - there's no doubt.
It was fun, I admit
And my meals were a hit.
So who cares if I look a bit stout!
Blinky & MG, thanks for your jingle
However I'm somewhat still single
We all married Hashem
בשבועותיכם (Bamidbar 28:26)
May each one find one's maidel or yingle.
Oomis, to me you look gaunt
So I think more cheesecake you want.
I will join you for one
And won't we have fun
Until Jenny Craig begins us to haunt.
Your limericks are hysterical to read
I keep smiling at the screen, yes indeed
I'll share with you cheesecake
And laugh till my knees quake
The giggling is all the exercise I need
This cheesecake talk is insane
Its taking up room in my brain
I will now take a break
From my freezer I'll take
The pumpkin one that remains.
Incidentally, my chaverim on line
Did you know that cheesecake tastes fine
Straight from the freezer?
In fact its much eezer(easier)
To eat with lots of coffee - divine
This thread makes me laugh a lot
And with all of the troubles we've got
Around the world brewing
Its nice to be doing
These poems that we just jot.
After Shavuos boy did i wail,
After I gingerly stepped on the scale,
This is really no joke,
But of course it just broke,
And off to more cheesecake I sail!
I finished the cheesecakes myself,
Stopped counting after the eleventh, no-twelfth!
Oy vay my poor waistline
Went down by the wayside
Ich darf dem Aibishter's heilige helph!
Enough with the cheesecake already
We are all getting quite heady
This sugar excess
Has made us a mess
Tonight have a peach before bed-dy.
Am Yisroel I'm so very glad
That you have joined our crowd, we are mad
We pen jingles so silly
One's a pip, one's a dilly.
Stick around cause this ain't no fad.
We have labored for quite a long time
To put all that we know in a rhyme.
It keeps us quite happy
Though some think we are sappy.
We aren't asking them for a dime.
Yoreh Deah
Meat cooked in a milchik pot
Is it Kosher or is it not
I think it is safe
to say that its treif
If the pot is not not bar not
Gales:
What an expensive mistake you would make
If that brisket you were to take
And place in a pot
That fleishig t'was not
For last week it held a cheesecake.
We must all go now on a diet
From cheesecake we cannot keep quiet
Was it an obsession
That caused a transgression
Not each type did we have to try it
Seems you're all too 'fed up' with cheesecake
Not even retaining a keepsake
"I'm on a diet" you pretend
For your waist not to extend
You forget there's temptations like Yeastcake
Frum Jews and cakes cannot part
They're too good at culinary art
From baking to frying
There is no denying
Everything is state of the art
So I tell you careful eating to forget
Dieting's like a game of roulette
You try to decline
All those pastries divine
But cant leave that awesome baguette
Oh wow man hey come slap me five
And everyone join in my jive
Please join the gyration
Its the celebration
For limerick 575!!
From limericks I've taken a break,
(I hope it was not a mistake).
I thought I'd stop by,
just to say hi,
now I see I missed out on cheesecake!
On Shavuos I had a big piece,
from a cake which was made by my niece.
Her name is Blimi,
her cheesecake's so creamy!
It's simple, heavenly and zees!
So like all of you I must diet,
self control - I must try it!
Please limit your barbs,
while I limit my carbs,
Please don't make fun, just be quiet.
Soon, I'll once more be svelte,
we'll see the extra pounds melt.
Although it's my vice,
to say, "just one slice",
I'd rather fit into my belt!
Gales:
I'd never heard of a pot,
that was (or was not) not bar not.
According to R' Shlomo,
it's called "eino ben yomo",
when the absorbed ta'am begins to rot.
The power of a smile:
He smiled at his grumpy boss,
Who in turn at his wife was less cross,
It lit up her mood,
As she fed her brood,
So smile- just remember to floss!
P.s. i was gonna start it with "she" but wasn't sure how that will fly here :)
Some think we should daven and pray
At least twenty four hours a day.
An author once said
(His name's gone from my head)
Then we'd be very dull people, oy vey.
You must divide up your day
To have time to learn and to pray.
But you cannot learn trope
Till you're at the end of your rope
We all need some time left to play.
I think my priorities are shot
Because lately I'm here quite a lot.
It probably would
Do me more good
To read the seforim I've bought.
I will settle down one of these days
After I've mended my ways.
I'll spend more time at shul
Learning more golden rules
And more prayers, so Hashem I can praise.
From this thread I've had a long lull
'Twas getting a little bit dull
But now I revert
Cos the thread's more overt
So I'm back again racking my skull
I am real embarrassed to boast
For a month not a limerick did I post
It was not a bluff
I'd just had enough
In the thread where I was once engrossed
Shticky Guy so glad you're back
Sometimes we take a new track
But after awhile
We return with a smile
We realize what we did lack.
Our forte is limerick stuff
Why some days I can't get enough
I sit here all day long
Writing poems, not a song
And by evening I feel pretty rough.
And even while falling asleep
Most people that I know count sheep
I lie there and rhyme
Wasting precious sleep time
For heaven sakes, when is geneek?
Its been three years since Mama died, her yahrzeit starts tonight
Before I bentch Shabbas licht I'll start a different light.
She had a million dollar smile
That she wore all the while
My darling Yiddish Mama - she always did whats right.
Minyan Gal
May your mom be for us a gitte bater
She'll be thought of when bentching lecht later
We're grateful to her, too
For she has given us YOU
And you've made her merits so much greater
Oh my have we quite a crowd!
Of whose limericks we are all proud
I wish I could say
That I'll stay here all day
But then my boss will yell really loud
My absence I'm sure you've all noted
Do not think I've gone and eroded
I'm just really busy
My life's in a tizzy
Hope a mazal tov to be quoted
At work things are just fine
I love it oh so divine
I soon hope to be
The boss of entry
The promotion I hope to be mine
Yes there are other things brewing
All a cooking and stewing
On peoples minds
Almost all the times
Even while drinking or chewing
I hope I did not grind your gears
Nor chew off your ears
With my limericks five
Hope they all jive
May the next one be this year!
:D Zuberman! :D
What nicer way to get better
Stay outside enjoy the weather
My nose is stuffed
My throat all roughed
And here I am can I do better
Sure these rhymes don't all make sense
But why settle for just pence
You could make dollars
Sewing collars
Or you could go paint a fence
What is all this eschewing?
It is all I can be doing
Bring smiles to a face
Make a happy place
Looks to be trouble brewing
I am sorry that my rhymes
Do not fit right all the times
I did break some rules
Just to lift the blues
Hopefully now time's fine
I must now go inside
Charge my phone 'fore it dies
I enjoyed this do
Tell me you did too
Over these please don't cries
(Sorry I was desperate)
:D Zuberman! :D
Yossi, I'm sorry you're ill
Writing poems is better than a pill
It makes you feel better
While typing each letter
And there will be no doctor's bill.
Baruch Hashem today I'm better
Let me tell you with each letter
Though not all the way
It's better each day
And no I'm not a fretter
Last night my fever broke oh my
How my poor forehead seemed to cry
My pillow was wet
How my head did sweat
But my nose will not run dry
I went to work yesterday
How my friends did say oy vey!
After a good sleep
Without a peep
I went again today
I am having so much fun
With this whole limerick run
I wish I could stay
But I can't today
I am moving july one
But when it comes to be the fourth
I want this again to be my fort
A place to play
Here by day
Hope I have something of worth
I must go before I get stuck
In all this limerick muck
'Cause if I do
I'll go boohoo
As there will go twenty bucks
:D Zuberman! :D
MG, no limerick - just the wish that your mother's neshama should have an aliyah.
Oomis, thank you so much. I wrote you a nice response yesterday, which, for some reason, the Mods declined to print. It certainly wasn't offensive.
Its Friday - again Shabbat's here
The best day of the week,that is clear
Its Rosh Chodesh Tammuz
So in Shul please don't shmooz
During Kiddush there will be time for cheer.
Oomis, thank you so much. I wrote you a nice response yesterday, which, for some reason, the Mods declined to print. It certainly wasn't offensive. "
They were probably concerned it would turn me into a baalas gaivah to hear what I am sure were your nice words. :)
Mods, I think you should chill
And not delete our posts at will.
Though some might offend
We can see in the end,
For the most part they all fit the bill.
Oomis:
I think they deleted my post
Because what I talked of the most
Was my Conservative shul
With its much different rules
Than those of our moderator/host.
When it comes to Conservative Shuls
The mods will not fight any duels.
The CR's selection's
In a frummer direction,
And we all must conform to their rules.
Oomis:
I agree with you there, my friend
But I think that in the end
We must learn of each other
Not fight brother to brother
That is no way our fences to mend.
I thought I'd write a limerick today
For tomorrow it seems that I may
Just not be able
To have hands on the table
Injections to both thumbs on the way.
This week it is Parsha Balak
By Friday I may have hazak
For Shabbat to make
Or I'll just need a break
So everyone please wish me luck.
Dear Minyan Gal, get well quick!
May you and your thumbs not be sick.
Some of my chums
Say I'm "all thumbs"
But we don't want that title to stick. (Ow!)
Really we hope soon you'll feel better
And ready to type us a letter
If you can't try,
Shabbos food you can buy
For that you don't need a heter.
Refuah sheleimah!
Minyan Gal, limericks aside, do you have trigger fingers syndrome in the thumbs (often comes from using the remote, btw). I had a problem where my thumb would contract during the night and I would wake up with a bent over thumb, which I had to straighten up each morning. The thumb hurt like the dickens and clicked all the time when bent, but I was scared to go for shots. Instead, I wrapped several bandaids around the knuckle, so it could not bend at all (effectively splinting it), and after a couple of weeks of doing this, the condition disappeared altogether.
Dear Dr. Oomis:
Your diagnosis is absolutely correct. It started about 5 years ago and I saw a plastic surgeon who put me on the waiting list for surgery (one hand at a time). In the meantime, I saw my rheumatologist and told him about it. He said that I should try injections first. He injected both of my thumbs and that was the end of the pain and the problem. About a month ago, I woke up and both of my thumbs were sore again. I had a routine appointment with the rheum a couple of weeks later and he said he will inject again. I have had a couple of episodes similar to what you described - almost like a charley horse. I looked back in my old appointment books and found that the injections he gave me were almost 5 years ago. So, hopefully these cortisone shots will last as long as the last ones - then I consider myself getting off very lucky. As I recall, the last ones weren't too too bad. At least when I am driving home the thumbs will be frozen. However, I do have a meeting to go to tonight and I hope I can make it. Anyway, thank you so much for your good wishes. I really don't need to worry about Shabbat - my freezer holds a treasure trove of goodies - I even have a spare challah in there and I made a yummy soup yesterday - I really doctored up the Manischewitz split pea soup mix with fresh basil and parsley from my balcony garden and a bunch of other veggies. Well, it is time to leave for the doc's office. Hopefully, I will be able to type tomorrow and I shall update you. I really appreciate your concern.
This should gladden Health's heart.
While driving home just now, a ciggie I did crave
But because my thumbs are frozen they just would not behave
I could not flick my Bic
I thought it was some trick
But the frozen thumbs won out and that Bic, it did me daunt.
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