Limericks!

I just made a chocolate cake

For Shavuos I thought I would bake

It looked just so yummy

That there’s lots in my tummy

Another one I’ll have to make.

The cream cheese icing on top

Meant that I just couldn’t stop

Now that one “little” taste

Has expanded my waist

I think another slice I will chop.

I have now had coffee and cake

Dinner, I just didn’t make.

Boy did I fress!

My kitchen’s a mess

But I think a nap I will take.

Pirkei Avos tells us that we should

Think of ourselves as quite good

If bad attitudes win

It leads us to sin

And that’s what must be understood.

As you will soon know from this ditty

I am being silly and giddy.

I have been up all night

Something’s not right.

So, another limerick from this old biddy.

Back in biblical times

When a man lived twenty times nine

Do you think he was able

To sit at a table

At the bank and ask for loan prime?

“I think bist a hoondret und tzvantzik

The loan will be paid back in gantzik

Then for sixty more years

The mortgage is clear

And monthly we’ll be able to tantz-ik.”

For example, Noach the builder

Was short a few thousand guilder.

Said:”I know my home’s large

But it converts to a barge

To shlep animals out of the vilder.”

Would the bankers consider our Noach?

They could see he certainly had koach.

For such intricate detail

Before he could set sail.

I think they would give him the dough-ach.

This ends my ridiculous premise

I promise – this the emmes.

I’m going back to bed now

I hope to sleep, somehow

And maybe my poem will get famous.

It hasn’t been even one year

And twelve pages we have filled up here.

Most are just bandwidth waste

That we’ve written in haste

But they’ve made all our friendships more dear.

So Blinky I thank you a lot

This idea of yours was so hot

We’re all having fun here

No work’s getting done here

And do I care about that – NOT.

Tonight is Tikkun L’eil Shavuot.

I certainly hope I can do it

To stay wide awake

So more knowledge I’ll take

And share in community ruach.

I know we will have lots to eat

There’ll be blintzes and cheesecake – no meat.

We’ll study Torah all night

It will be pure delight

In the morning, my pillow I’ll greet.

Chag Sameach to all of my CR friends. Study, fress and enjoy.

To Am Yisroel Chai:

May I also add wishes – the best

I’m quite sure that I speak for the rest.

Have a long happy life

With your lovely new wife

And with good health you both should be blessed.

Frankly I’m all cheesecaked out.

I’ve gained fifteen lbs. – there’s no doubt.

It was fun, I admit

And my meals were a hit.

So who cares if I look a bit stout!

Oomis, to me you look gaunt

So I think more cheesecake you want.

I will join you for one

And won’t we have fun

Until Jenny Craig begins us to haunt.

This cheesecake talk is insane

Its taking up room in my brain

I will now take a break

From my freezer I’ll take

The pumpkin one that remains.

Incidentally, my chaverim on line

Did you know that cheesecake tastes fine

Straight from the freezer?

In fact its much eezer(easier)

To eat with lots of coffee – divine

This thread makes me laugh a lot

And with all of the troubles we’ve got

Around the world brewing

Its nice to be doing

These poems that we just jot.

I finished the cheesecakes myself,

Stopped counting after the eleventh, no-twelfth!

Oy vay my poor waistline

Went down by the wayside

Ich darf dem Aibishter’s heilige helph!

Am Yisroel I’m so very glad

That you have joined our crowd, we are mad

We pen jingles so silly

One’s a pip, one’s a dilly.

Stick around cause this ain’t no fad.

We have labored for quite a long time

To put all that we know in a rhyme.

It keeps us quite happy

Though some think we are sappy.

We aren’t asking them for a dime.

Gales:

What an expensive mistake you would make

If that brisket you were to take

And place in a pot

That fleishig t’was not

For last week it held a cheesecake.

Oh wow man hey come slap me five

And everyone join in my jive

Please join the gyration

Its the celebration

For limerick 575!!

Gales:

I’d never heard of a pot,

that was (or was not) not bar not.

According to R’ Shlomo,

it’s called “eino ben yomo”,

when the absorbed ta’am begins to rot.

Some think we should daven and pray

At least twenty four hours a day.

An author once said

(His name’s gone from my head)

Then we’d be very dull people, oy vey.

You must divide up your day

To have time to learn and to pray.

But you cannot learn trope

Till you’re at the end of your rope

We all need some time left to play.

I think my priorities are shot

Because lately I’m here quite a lot.

It probably would

Do me more good

To read the seforim I’ve bought.

I will settle down one of these days

After I’ve mended my ways.

I’ll spend more time at shul

Learning more golden rules

And more prayers, so Hashem I can praise.

Shticky Guy so glad you’re back

Sometimes we take a new track

But after awhile

We return with a smile

We realize what we did lack.

Our forte is limerick stuff

Why some days I can’t get enough

I sit here all day long

Writing poems, not a song

And by evening I feel pretty rough.

And even while falling asleep

Most people that I know count sheep

I lie there and rhyme

Wasting precious sleep time

For heaven sakes, when is geneek?

Minyan Gal

May your mom be for us a gitte bater

She’ll be thought of when bentching lecht later

We’re grateful to her, too

For she has given us YOU

And you’ve made her merits so much greater

What nicer way to get better

Stay outside enjoy the weather

My nose is stuffed

My throat all roughed

And here I am can I do better

Sure these rhymes don’t all make sense

But why settle for just pence

You could make dollars

Sewing collars

Or you could go paint a fence

What is all this eschewing?

It is all I can be doing

Bring smiles to a face

Make a happy place

Looks to be trouble brewing

I am sorry that my rhymes

Do not fit right all the times

I did break some rules

Just to lift the blues

Hopefully now time’s fine

I must now go inside

Charge my phone ‘fore it dies

I enjoyed this do

Tell me you did too

Over these please don’t cries

(Sorry I was desperate)

😀 Zuberman! 😀

Baruch Hashem today I’m better

Let me tell you with each letter

Though not all the way

It’s better each day

And no I’m not a fretter

Last night my fever broke oh my

How my poor forehead seemed to cry

My pillow was wet

How my head did sweat

But my nose will not run dry

I went to work yesterday

How my friends did say oy vey!

After a good sleep

Without a peep

I went again today

I am having so much fun

With this whole limerick run

I wish I could stay

But I can’t today

I am moving july one

But when it comes to be the fourth

I want this again to be my fort

A place to play

Here by day

Hope I have something of worth

I must go before I get stuck

In all this limerick muck

‘Cause if I do

I’ll go boohoo

As there will go twenty bucks

😀 Zuberman! 😀

Oomis, thank you so much. I wrote you a nice response yesterday, which, for some reason, the Mods declined to print. It certainly wasn’t offensive.

Oomis, thank you so much. I wrote you a nice response yesterday, which, for some reason, the Mods declined to print. It certainly wasn’t offensive. “

They were probably concerned it would turn me into a baalas gaivah to hear what I am sure were your nice words. 🙂

Oomis:

I think they deleted my post

Because what I talked of the most

Was my Conservative shul

With its much different rules

Than those of our moderator/host.

Oomis:

I agree with you there, my friend

But I think that in the end

We must learn of each other

Not fight brother to brother

That is no way our fences to mend.

Dear Minyan Gal, get well quick!

May you and your thumbs not be sick.

Some of my chums

Say I’m “all thumbs”

But we don’t want that title to stick. (Ow!)

Really we hope soon you’ll feel better

And ready to type us a letter

If you can’t try,

Shabbos food you can buy

For that you don’t need a heter.

Refuah sheleimah!

Dear Dr. Oomis:

Your diagnosis is absolutely correct. It started about 5 years ago and I saw a plastic surgeon who put me on the waiting list for surgery (one hand at a time). In the meantime, I saw my rheumatologist and told him about it. He said that I should try injections first. He injected both of my thumbs and that was the end of the pain and the problem. About a month ago, I woke up and both of my thumbs were sore again. I had a routine appointment with the rheum a couple of weeks later and he said he will inject again. I have had a couple of episodes similar to what you described – almost like a charley horse. I looked back in my old appointment books and found that the injections he gave me were almost 5 years ago. So, hopefully these cortisone shots will last as long as the last ones – then I consider myself getting off very lucky. As I recall, the last ones weren’t too too bad. At least when I am driving home the thumbs will be frozen. However, I do have a meeting to go to tonight and I hope I can make it. Anyway, thank you so much for your good wishes. I really don’t need to worry about Shabbat – my freezer holds a treasure trove of goodies – I even have a spare challah in there and I made a yummy soup yesterday – I really doctored up the Manischewitz split pea soup mix with fresh basil and parsley from my balcony garden and a bunch of other veggies. Well, it is time to leave for the doc’s office. Hopefully, I will be able to type tomorrow and I shall update you. I really appreciate your concern.