cr is much fun,
it makes me crave a cinnimon bun,
if i wasnt on a diet,
i would go try it,
and now im officialy done!1
YWN Coffee Room » Humor & Entertainment
Limericks!
(775 posts)-
Posted 4 years ago #
-
My friends I must apologize - and only just this time
My poem yesterday re thumbs - didn't even rhyme
I blame it on the heat wave
Which makes my brain misbehave
So now I am relaxing with water laced with lime. (the fruit that is)Posted 4 years ago # -
Its been a tough, sad week for we Jews
Full of high drama and bad news.
Tomorrow we'll chant Pinchus
The ancient words will link us
And bring shalom to help us defuse.We look for answers and we ask why
And we pray to Hashem as we cry
We are seeking an answer
Put an end to such cancer
But we must carry on - at least try.A peaceful Shabbat to all of my CR friends.
Posted 4 years ago # -
It seems we've forgotten the limerick page
As for me, I can blame it on my age.
Now it is once again open
And I am sure hopin'
That limericks will be the new rage.Posted 4 years ago # -
Blinky where have you been hiding
In who are you now confiding
A poster revered
You have disappeared
After so much you've been here providingPosted 4 years ago # -
Shticky, you've talent galore
I wish I'd heard much more before
As we can't find our Miss Blink
I've taken the time to think
You will have to fill in a lot more.Posted 4 years ago # -
You'd think that with the kids out all day,
I would clean up and put laundry away.
That was my hope,
But still I can't cope
Because this page calls, "Come here and let's play!"This may have been posted already but it's one of my favorites:
There was an old man of Dundoon
Who always ate soup with a fork,
For he said, "As I eat
Neither fish, fowl, nor flesh,
I should finish my dinner too quick."Posted 4 years ago # -
Ursulamamish
Cleaning's not only a chore
It really is quite a bore
The dust that you're lifting
Is already sifting
Itself down onto the floor.Even if you are ready and raring
And around the house you go tearing
The work's never through
No matter what you do
There will be dirt on the clothes they are wearing.Unless you strip them all down
And have them waiting around
The machine as it washes
And splishes and sploshes
And no one can go into town.So unless you are all in the nude
Sorry, I don't mean to be rude
Forget about cleaning
It has little meaning
But they will always remember great food.Posted 4 years ago # -
Blinque, I wish you were back
'Cause I am turning into such a hack
Please come home or phone
We can't do this alone
Your presence here we lack.Posted 4 years ago # -
Thanks minyan gal for the advice
But everything comes with a price.
They run without clothes
And get colds in the nose
And besides, it just doesn't look nice.We try to teach them to be modest and tznius
And to get dressed where others can't see us
But they want to be
Naturally
So I give thanks that at least they're not mius.But you had to go mention the meal,
Which for the young 'uns holds little appeal
If it isn't oodles
Of pizza or noodles
It's worse than reinventing the wheel.Now the time's come to switch mental gears
To a subject that skips a few years
Caring for Bubby
(Mother of hubby)
By now we can laugh through our tears.Posted 4 years ago # -
There was an old mother named Dexter
Whose children's demands over-vexed her
Til she made a rule,
Now her temper is cool:
If they want something, first they must text her.Posted 3 years ago # -
Minyan your special you really are,
In keeping this thread up to par,
A computer i have not,
So i can't visit a lot,
But i really miss being in the CR!Posted 3 years ago # -
Could you believe Blinky's back
Others have picked up the slack
Just pick up a netbook
Acer has the best look
Your posts will then be back on trackPosted 3 years ago # -
A visit by our dear Blinky
Is better than nothing, I thinky.
We really all miss you
If you were close I would kiss you
But instead I send you a winky.It is almost the end of the year
The Yomtovim are quickly growing near.
Tomorrow is Massei
As I think "oh my"
I had better start cooking, I fear.So Shabbat Shalom to you all
May Hashem bless the big and the small
Next week not much time here
But I'll make it quite clear
I will still drop in or I'll call.Next week is North America's largest annual cultural festival, which is held here. I shall be volunteering at least 5 hours daily at the Israeli Pavillion (Shalom Square) held at our JCC. It is a wonderful event and brings tourists from around the world. If anyone is interested in learning about it, just Google
"Folklorama". Shabbat Shalom again.Posted 3 years ago # -
There once was a poster named Joe
Who many folks thought was a foe
His secret identity
Caused trouble aplentity
He can surface as someone you know.Aliases he seems to treasure
Using them gives him great pleasure
It is somewhat confusing
Not at all amusing
When others are blamed for his measures.I shall try to remember the Torah
And say no more Lashon Hora
But Yosef, please behave
And grief you will us save
And please, don't come back as Dora.Posted 3 years ago # -
The CR is simply stupendous.
The topics are always tremendous.
But I get quite dismayed
at mistakes that are made.
The grammar is often horrendous!Posted 3 years ago # -
Learning English is pretty hard work
That children and immigrants don't shirk
But society deems
Adult natives, it seems,
Permitted to drive grammarians* berserk.(Isn't it pretty how three different vowels have the same sound? I'm so happy I learned English as a child.)
*or, grammaticists
or, grammaticiansPosted 3 years ago # -
Ursula you have a great style
Though we didnt hear from you for a while
But when you do post
You're more talented than most
And are often ahead by a mileWithout dear Opening Poster Blinq
Our numbers here they will shrink
Without a computer
It just does not suit 'er
The limerickers will be out of syncWe still have good old minyan gal
Who's our most reliable pen pal
She always supplies
Its not a suprise
She's a great boost to our moraleA certain other poster will clamor
To highlight our errors in grammar
While showing my kishroinos
If she gives me bizyoinos
I may then be tempted to slam 'erAs for the one called Joseph
I think now enough is enough
His guile is well known
But we will him disown
There's no limit how much he can bluffPosted 3 years ago # -
Thanks for the compliment, Shtick
My words I carefully pick
Limerick writing if fun
I can get lots of them done
Taking "poetic licence" is my trick.I often must change a word
Or perhaps the tense of a verb
But if the message you get
Then the idea is set
And you understand the topic you heard.Posted 3 years ago # -
joseph is gone
to live with his mom
why did he leave
here it was hard to breathe
and was annoyed by the maniac of bombs(bombmaniac)Posted 3 years ago # -
Is Joseph really gone do you think?
Or will he be back as quick as a wink
With a new nom de plume
He will infiltrate this room
And another's reputation try to sink.We really must be very aware
Because he is lurking out there
Getting ready to pounce
The non-frums to trounce
And then leave just as quick as a hare.Posted 3 years ago # -
It is only six in the morn
Another new day has been born
It is so beautiful out
That I know there's no doubt
From this computer I will be torn.My coffee I have already had
On my balcony - it makes me so glad
Its so great to be alive
And today I shall strive
To do better, if even a tad.Mitzvot I do every day
Starting with shul where I pray
Later on I'll do more
For Hashem I adore
And to please him is enough, I say.Posted 3 years ago # -
Thanks, Shticky Guy, for the kind mention
Writing limericks releases some tension
But it's been predicted
One could get addicted
Which would mean the CR I must then shun!Today it is Rosh Chodesh Av
First of nine days that we're wary of
But Moshiach's arrival
Will bring a revival
And turn the Ninth to a day we all love.Posted 3 years ago # -
We like to hear from our dear poster Minyan
Who told us of an interesting inyan
It's called Folklorama
Its mascot's a llama
(Cute at a distance, in my humble opinion).Posted 3 years ago # -
Ursula you are really terrific
You Googled our expo magnifique
There, I volunteer
Its a mitzvah, my dear
Our JCC earns money, specific.The Pavillions are simply divine
But Shalom Square is really sublime
Of course along the way,
You will find the USA
With jazz music and apple pie - very fine.There is Hungary, Slovenia and Russia
Of course there is nothing from Prussia
India, The Ukraine
Many more remain
I can't thing of anything else to rhyme with Russia! (except - There are no rabbis there giving a drosha)Posted 3 years ago # -
To find something rhyming with russia
IS hard, gal, so I would not go crush her
But to complete the 'lim'
Just find a synonym
Then your poetry would be much plusherHad you instead written 'Soviet'
(The ones who play russian roulette)
You would easier have found
A word with matching sound
While enjoying their great string quartetThey're a nation with problems beset
But nothing like our national debt
Should they want to impress
It wont be with their dress
Rather with their champions at the chess setSo do not break out in a sweat
When encountering a russian cadet
Try to sweet talk
Not trying to balk
At a soldier with a vodka and cigaretteThere are many, many more words yet
That I can rhyme with Soviet
But pray MG tell us
Would that make you jealous
Could you do better? You bet!Posted 3 years ago # -
You'd think, with the matzav that we're in
Posters would display more politeness herein
But "Joseph!" and "dolt!"
And more names that revolt
Make it seem that there's no rules to fear in.I myself was just rude to our President
(At least, on the thread that he's resident)
I must do teshuva
And thus be a disprova
Of the criticism which was just evident.Posted 3 years ago # -
Ursula:
I couldn't agree with you more
Some posters should be shown the door
They come here to insult
And then watch the result
Of infighting posts by the score.Posted 3 years ago # -
a rooster and a hen
entered a lions den
the lion saw these chickens
and noticed how much they were thickened
and the chickens were never heard from againPosted 3 years ago # -
I really dont mean to be picky
And I know limerick writing is tricky
But come on you posters
I'm not one of the boasters
Dont leave them to just Min Gal, Ursula and ShtickyPosted 3 years ago # -
I admit I've fallen down on the job
I can't even blame a story sob,
I have just been plain lazy
On these days hot and hazy
Other's limericks I may have to rob.Posted 3 years ago # -
"Dear CR Member," she posted
My anonymity I thought was toasted
But a message was sent
Someone other was meant
We could drop the suspicions we'd hosted.But that thread really did make me wonder
If without the names we're hiding under
We would post as we do
To our fellow Jew
Those comments that could tear hearts asunder?Posted 3 years ago # -
Although this thread goes on for pages
I haven't done a limerick in ages.
In the upcoming storm
May you all be safe and warm
Stay indoors while the strong wind rages.If it is safer at home to stay put
Than to venture outdoors by foot
If you must, please miss shul
Don't be a hero or fool
The Ravs, zei hot dos gezucht.Posted 3 years ago # -
our sweet little kids in their beds
slept the night through with drips near their heads
if they wanted a drink
no need for the sink
it came straight through the ceiling instead.Baruch Hashem no great disaster
Was incurred through the falling of plaster
It narrowly missed her
Brothers and sister
But soaked one who should have moved faster.Posted 3 years ago # -
I am so glad you're all safe and sound
Though the storm blasted water around
Mother Nature's gone crazy
She sure is not lazy
Storms and earthquakes just seem to abound.And what have we done to enrage her?
Its not like we've tried to page her
It seems she's just there
And I mean everywhere
I think we shall just have to cage her.It all blamed upon global warming
I've heard it so much its alarming
I guess being nice
Will not suffice
Perhaps we should try being charming.Posted 3 years ago # -
as i sit here feeling fat
my boiach,first a pot now a vat
i'll get up and move
to myself ill prove
o wait i fell;splatPosted 3 years ago # -
Last week we were shaking around
Now rain has been pelting the ground
We would shake in the earthquake
Had tons of rain in the hurricane
Let's do tshuva with Elul's shofar soundPosted 3 years ago # -
good 1 toi, i like it! now heres mine i hope you guys like it:)
I am walking down the street
upon whom do u think i meet?
a friend of mine,
who said she was quite fine.
i walk away with my feet!now i know it's not as good as the rest of yours but i'm getting there, i really am!!!
Posted 3 years ago # -
Welcome to all the new posters
The guests and the hosters
Though rusty am I
Again I shall try
A lym of which to boastersThat really wasn't so great
Please excuse me I am up late
My head it pounds
With all that abounds
For MT I don't wanna waitTo all those who gave it a hand
Come again, please make a stand
This thread oh boy
Brings me much joy
Now where did go my band?:D Zuberman! :D
Posted 3 years ago # -
On Rosh Hashanah will be decided our fate
Whether parnassah will be small or great
Our dress He'll determine
Cheap rags or ermine
And if we'll be healthy or c"v "the late."So let's make good use of our time!
Do mitzvos and steer clear of crime
Pray with full heart
Make kindness your art
And may we see forgiveness sublime.If any posters have had feelings hurt
By my postings, long-winded or curt
It was not intended
May fences be mended
To other's senses I'll try to be more alert.Posted 3 years ago # -
My school teacher always told me that poems do not need to rhyme, they must only follow rhythm. So here goes:
There was once a man from Kentucky
Who one day was stung by a wasp
When asked if it hurt
He said No not at all
It can do it sting me again if it wishesPosted 3 years ago # -
SG
I always love your writing
But I happen to love rhyming!There once was a man from Kentucky
Who one day was stung by a queen bee
When asked if it hurt
Said "Not even a squirt"
It can sting me again if it finds me.Posted 3 years ago # -
Shticky Guy:
see #7 on this page, "There was an old man of Dundoon..."There was a limerick that did not scan
Concerning a strange sort of person
Whose words always rhyme,
All of the day
No matter which way his thoughts went.Posted 3 years ago # -
UM I do you implore
The lim I just wrote to ignore
I was not being devious
By repeating your previous
Idea that you wrote beforeThere's so many lims here to find
Thats its easy to get two combined
Will you me forgive
For not being innovative
I do hope that you dont feel malignedWe should all approach the יום הדין
With many more Mitzvos than sin
May אליהו the שליח
Come herald משיח
Before Judgement Day does beginPosted 3 years ago # -
AYC thank you! I love your posts also!
Posted 3 years ago # -
Rosh Hashana is in full swing,
As a new year is approaching,
A year sweet like honey,
Full of life and (maybe) money,
Is just a part of the Yom Tov davening.Dont know when ill have access again so wishing the CR a kesiva vechasima tovah!
Posted 3 years ago # -
Chas v'shalom! I was not insulted
And regret any shame that resulted
In fact when I read
What your teacher had said
My unrhyming brain just exulted!Please continue your joybringing posts
YWN should be proud they're your hosts
Again I will plead for
And rue there's a need for
Forgiveness from all, coast to coasts.Kesiva v'chasima tova!
Posted 3 years ago # -
That time of year is back,
Gotta empty out the shack,
We need to unlok,
The succah and schlock,
And decorations to unpack.Posted 3 years ago # -
Why, blinky, I sure am vexed
For I thought Yom Kippur is next
Rosh Hashana just passed
And Succos comes last
Why'dya get me all perplexed?!Posted 3 years ago # -
My dear poster am yisrael chai
I love your limerick that starts 'why'
Where you thought blinky fumbled
By getting all jumbled
You've a great sense of rhyme for a guyI'm sorry your bubble to burst
Cos even though Yom Kippur comes first
There's so much to tackle
Before Tabernacle
Is this the best esrog or the worst?Will we have more sunshine or rain
Weather forecasts we try to obtain
Will our Sukka roof
Crash down or stay aloof
It just drives us completely insaneShould I let the fruit soup thicken
Or will it make our meal stricken
When we sit with jubilation
I need some inspiration
Are we better with shnitzel or chickenWhat did we serve when these guests last came
I must ensure not to have the same
If we do repeat
Any salad or meat
It'll look like our cooking skills are lameAnd I will be standing and quaking
When the kids my arba minim are shaking
Will I need to get
A replacement set
Its enough money the dealer is makingAnd so our sukkos preparation
For arba minim, sukka, food and decoration
We for sure do find
That they occupy our mind
Constantly without cessationBut the truth is Yom Kippur needs more thought
So dont in the Yetzer Hora's trap be caught
To break our sentence
We need acts of repentance
Else all will chas v'shalom count for naughtSo get our priorities straight
And do it right now, do not wait
Keep your head steady
For Yom Kippur get ready
Do it now or it may be too latePosted 3 years ago #
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