fun limericks I used to write
no matter what time, day or night
but as I grew older
I became much less bolder
and to post them gives me quite a fright.
YWN Coffee Room » Humor & Entertainment
Limericks!
(775 posts)-
Posted 3 years ago #
-
Shticky i can't believe it...PHEW!
I guess that leaves me to 702,
As this thread does grow,
I want you to know,
Im glad 700 was taken by you!Thanx again for the mazel tov!
Syag- nice one keep em coming!
Posted 3 years ago # -
This is a limerick I recently wrote and got approved on Oedilf.com
On my credit report, what is shown?
How I pay up my lease, cards and loan.
(sigh) It's really no mystery,
Based on my history,
Why my good credit was blown.Posted 3 years ago # -
There was a young lady named Bessie,
Who went to the Loch to see Nessie,
She fell in the mud,
With a terrible thud,
So Nessie saw Bessie all messy.Posted 3 years ago # -
There was a young lady from China,
Who went for a trip on a liner,
She slipped on the deck,
and twisted her neck,
and now she can see right behind her.Posted 3 years ago # -
whenever I go to a meeting,
I try to get preferential seating,
not in front, but in back,
so when contact it lacks,
Nobody knows its CR threads I'm reading.Posted 3 years ago # -
I meant "so when content it lacks"
and I even proofed it :(Posted 3 years ago # -
My kids and I were on a sled
thrills n' giggles, cheeks shiny red
we had a blast that day
no work, just fun and play
but now I gotta start earning some "bread”Posted 3 years ago # -
Lets get in the purim mode....I made this one up in honor of Rosh Chodesh Adar...everyone feel free to chip in!
After being hit with dung,
From a pail his daughter flung,
Haman the beast,
Went to a feast,
And then on a tree he was hung!Posted 3 years ago # -
nice one Blinky! here's another l'kovod Haman!
You thought you had scored that night
When the king sought to reward a knight
Royal Robes, a crown
A ride through the town
But the joke was on you, alright!Posted 3 years ago # -
The story of Purim Part 1.
Achashverosh the King of Shushan
was descended from the Persian clan
he made a great feast
at which he released
a most hideous and outrageous plan.That vashti his beautiful queen
must come and let herself be seen
wearing not a royal gown
but a sparkling crown
but vashti said no, thats obscene.The king stamped his foot with a bang
and did his wife vashti harangue
haman said across the land
wives will ignore their hubby's command
so I think vashti deserves to hang.After time the king did reminisce
and vashti his queen he did miss
so he called his wise men
said he would marry again
'go find the best beauty' he did hiss.I dont care if you must harass her
make sure that you find her, dont pass her
right across my empire
bring me all you admire
one of them went and spotted Hadassa.She was seized and shlepped off to the palace
by soldiers who were filled with malice
she tried to resist
but her cries were dismissed
by cruel troopers who were really callous.Other girls captured also did preen
and smear with oil for a sheen
Esther kept herself plain
"from these things I abstain"
achashverosh still chose her as queen.Mordechai heard bigson and seresh
plotting to harm the king's flesh
but cause mordechai knew every tongue
they were found out and hung
when in their plot they did enmesh.Then achashverosh did a silly thing
he took from his finger his ring
and gave it to haman
who to kavod would run
this made him into second to the king.Now haman was a real bad guy
who held of himself very high
to him all had to bow
or get killed here and now
so all did it except mordechai.This filled haman with a rage
How dare he, that rude Jewish sage
his anger was frothing
all his power meant nothing
I will kill him and turn a fresh page.PLEASE CONTINUE...
Posted 3 years ago # -
He wanted to destroy the Jews fast,
So lots Haman decided to cast,
On Adar fourteen,
Of Jews he'll be clean,
So that no man, woman, or child will last.Shticky- you make it sound very scary when Esther was taken- i never thought of it that way...lol
CONTINUE...
Posted 3 years ago # -
Shticky that is so awesome!!!!!! cant wait for the rest.
Posted 3 years ago # -
**SSStretches, Wakes up between the couch and the curtains, holding a plunger(?) and an empty Glenfiddich bottle.**
(YAAAAAAAWWWN) is purim over yet, anyone?
Oy, my head's aching, banging like a drum
I never thought I'd say
my booze is making me pay
...but how did I end up in Belgium??Posted 3 years ago # -
Behold, on another thread Dr. Pepper just ==>spoke<==,
No it’s not just another April fool’s ==>joke<==,
“You must get a life”
Ordered the wife,
“Or a harsher sentence I will invoke”So if you have something you’d like to say-
Post it here right now and don’t delay,
It sure was fun,
But I’m done
I’ll still check in though till the end of the day.Posted 3 years ago # -
Dr. Pepper why are you gone?
Are we devoid of life that causes the wife fright?
What can we do to her convince?
To give you a permission slip to stay?Posted 3 years ago # -
(Sorry this isn't in Limerick form.)
The mods have yet to approve the post that was linked to in the first line. Once it is approved I think you'll understand.
Thanks for your support.
Well, I can't approve it since it has an email address. And I don't understand, since I apparently don't know what was going on in the background.
But I'm sorry to see you go.
-95Posted 3 years ago # -
Is there someone else that can approve it- or do you just want to delete the contact information?
Posted 3 years ago # -
Dr. P. we will miss you for sure.
For what ails us you oft have the cure.
So don't stray too far;
Your leaving the CR,
Is more than we can endure.Posted 3 years ago # -
D.P. so sorry to hear your woe,
It takes lots of courage you know,
You posts were nice,
It added spice,
And im honored you picked this thread to go!Chag Kosher V'sameach!
Posted 3 years ago # -
like heavy lead, like a weighty stone
sitting in my belly, like a nasty ol' bone
though פּסח is gone
those מצות burn on
all day I walk around and groanPosted 3 years ago # -
Matzah hardens in you like plaster,
Becoming a complete disaster.
Why don't you choose,
Whole wheat to use?
It will digest much faster!Posted 3 years ago # -
ahoy, i am a new "poster"
in limericks i desire to muster
a rhyme that is funny
and not too punny
this is just an excuse to post faster.gastro docs really enjoy these yom tovs,
their patients surely increase in droves,
the matzah will bind those,
who count until shavuos,
the true meaning of "let my people go"?yehudis
Posted 3 years ago # -
Matzos are called lechem oni
But look at the price - it's baloney
They are so expensive
Making us apprehensive
So no wonder they make us so moanyThey are called the bread of the poor
Cause they leave you with much less money than before
The dough must not rise
But the price? Lets be wise
Every year it does rocket and soarPosted 3 years ago # -
This week don't forget to make,
A key in your challah when you bake.
Must be of cash lost,
From the Pesach cost,
And extra "dough" can ease the ache.Posted 3 years ago # -
Nice of you to stop by, Ms Blink.
Epes niez, other than shlissle challah?Posted 3 years ago # -
to the limerick room do i run,
anticipating lots of fun,
but to my dismay,
no one has come to play,
where is my welcome wagonPosted 3 years ago # -
bpt- Wow your here! (wheres your poem?)
Im good bh! Nothing new of importance to ad yet...except for limericks!yehudis- Welcome to this thread! Pretty good ones (though they don't follow the rules exactly-check the first post) Hope to be reading more!
shticky- i always enjoy reading yours!
Posted 3 years ago # -
This is really such great news,
Mazel tov to BaalHabooze!
A baby boy,
Oh what a joy!
A great addition for the Jews!Posted 3 years ago # -
hey blinky, a limerick written for me?
in honor of my new born baby?
well thanks so much
for that special touch
and take 10 points for originality!l'chaim, blinky, l'chaim!
Posted 3 years ago # -
It's my birthday, a real big day
How old am I? Not gonna say
Let's throw a party
Let's make it hearty
Please join us and stay!Posted 3 years ago # -
smartcookie! happy birthday to you
you belong in the zoo
you look like a donkey
or is it a monkey?
and you are one too!
:)sorry (I'm overtired these days), but I really want to wish you a mazel tov, and a year of happiness, brocha and hatzlochah, v'chol tov!
l'chaim, smartcookie, l'chaim!!
Posted 3 years ago # -
A happy birthday i must insist,
To my fellow limericist*
Can I be bold
And ask how old?
Im sorry I could not resist!*(excuse the spelling)
And yes L'chaim!!
Posted 3 years ago # -
Thank you booze,but I must inquire
Do you know me, don't be a liar?
Otherwise, how would you know
That I look like a donkey oh
I must be the cousin you admire!And blinky, I do appreciate
The Brochos on my birth date
I'm somewhere inbetween
Eighty and nineteen
Now buy the gift before its too late.Posted 3 years ago # -
As I sit up in the middle of the night
Staying awake is a big fight
But reading the CR is so entertaing
Much information I am gaining
I don't want to turn off the lightThis is my first post on this thread
Words are flying through my head
To think of a rhyme
Doesn't take much time
But I really should go to bedElul is the month that we are in
And missing Minyan is a big sin
So to you I say good bye
And please don't make me lie
As I go to tuck myself in...SiDi™
Posted 2 years ago # -
As I try to write a good limerick
Which I'm having such a hard time doing
It looks pretty easy
to get the syllables right
But I can't for the life of mine rhymePosted 2 years ago # -
TNIAT: You can say that again!! Very funny!
SiDi™
Posted 2 years ago # -
TNIAT - lol, how 'bout some fine schnapps to get the 'ol brain working?
"Rosh Hashanah is coming!", warned my wife
I drop my booze as if I've been stabbed by a knife
I thank my wife in a daze
begin to introspect my ways
and slowly improve my deeds for a more meaningful life.Posted 2 years ago # -
I gave a loud shout and a cheer
When I saw the old limerick thread appear
I came to drop in
Before the Yom Hadin
Which falls at the start of each yearI have a request of my friends
At the time that we all make amends
With a plea quite overt
That if you I did hurt
Or did something that you thought offendsThen I ask you רחמנים and ביישנים
to practice some גמילות חסדים
by being forgiving
at what you find hard reliving
and have pity כרחם אב על בניםI love coming here on this site
for relaxation and not to fight
but after the asifa
I think about lot teefer
and just want to do what is rightso I have been staying away
from things that could lead me astray
?after droshos so rousing
on the dangers of browsing
but I'm sure I'll be back here some dayI thank every editor and moderator
from recent to original creator
much I have gained
and I feel real pained
there is no site that I like greaterכתיבה וחתימה טובה
Posted 2 years ago # -
TNIAT - lol, how 'bout some fine schnapps to get the 'ol brain working?
Hey Baal habooze
I think I finaly got the rhyming to cruz
But after having that drink that you advised
I can't get my lines to be the right size
So between the rhyming and the sillybles I now must choosePosted 2 years ago # -
hey TNIAT, you're getting there buddy
think of a rhyme while sober
then let the drinks take over
please keep it short
if not, just abort
and try again next OctoberPosted 2 years ago # -
Hey there Mr. Baal habooze
your advice is a bit confused
When sober I cant rhyme
and when drunk not on time
So I reversed your advice it CruzedPosted 2 years ago # -
Today it's time for my annual appearance,
Thanks to my wife for giving me the clearance
So I say "Hello",
Now I have to go,
away for my yearlong disappearance.A Gutten Moed to all.
Posted 2 years ago # -
hello to the doctor on his yearly show
he comes and just as soon he'll go
but welcome back
from the cr pack
we regret it will be such a short time, thoughPosted 2 years ago # -
Yesterday I tried writing a limerick:
There once was a girl named Honey
tried to write limericks that were funny
When they asked her why
She said with a sigh"Hmmmm....what did she say?"
"Who?" Asked my sister
"The girl named Honey"
"How should I know, and who names their girl Honey anyways?"
"But it HAS to be honey, it can't be like batsheva or Shachar because NOTHING RHYME WITH BATSHEVA!!!!!!!!"
"What in the world are you talking about you drama queen?"
"I have no idea...."
I think thats the last time I try to write a limerick.....Posted 1 year ago # -
There once was a girl named Honey
who tried to write limericks so funny
When they asked her why,
She said with a sigh,..."There's nothing I won't do for money!"
Posted 1 year ago # -
There once was a girl named Batsheva
who tried to write limericks so cleva.
When they asked her why,
She said with a sigh,"What should I do, that's my teva!"
Posted 1 year ago # -
There once was a girl named Shachar
Who tried to write limericks on a car
When they asker her why,
She said with a sigh,
"That way I know they'll go far."Posted 1 year ago # -
If you wish to know Yaakov & Eisav were 3
If you want to be a member of SUC
If you're in the midst of divorcing
Or perhaps Greek yogurt you're sourcing
Then come troll the CR with me!Posted 1 year ago # -
You don't really have to be quick
To write out a short limerick
So Shopping613
It's as easy as can be
And really is not a big 'shtick'You're a poster with great discerning
Show us how a limerick award you're earning
You can be fantastic
With the grace of a gymnastic
Real soon some great limericks you'll be churning!You're like the schoolboy who lives in Japan
His limericks they never would scan
And when they asked him but why
He would say with a sigh
"It's because I always try to get as many words into the last line as I possibly can!"Posted 1 year ago #
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