Limericks!

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  • This topic contains 809 replies, has 102 voices, and was last updated by  Joseph 8 months ago.
Viewing 50 posts - 701 through 750 (of 810 total)
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  • #1221786

    🍫Syag Lchochma
    Participant

    fun limericks I used to write

    no matter what time, day or night

    but as I grew older

    I became much less bolder

    and to post them gives me quite a fright.

    #1221787

    blinky
    Participant

    Shticky i can’t believe it…PHEW!

    I guess that leaves me to 702,

    As this thread does grow,

    I want you to know,

    Im glad 700 was taken by you!

    Thanx again for the mazel tov!

    Syag- nice one keep em coming!

    #1221788

    HennyK
    Member

    This is a limerick I recently wrote and got approved on Oedilf.com

    On my credit report, what is shown?

    How I pay up my lease, cards and loan.

    (sigh) It’s really no mystery,

    Based on my history,

    Why my good credit was blown.

    #1221789

    rr6527
    Member

    There was a young lady named Bessie,

    Who went to the Loch to see Nessie,

    She fell in the mud,

    With a terrible thud,

    So Nessie saw Bessie all messy.

    #1221790

    rr6527
    Member

    There was a young lady from China,

    Who went for a trip on a liner,

    She slipped on the deck,

    and twisted her neck,

    and now she can see right behind her.

    #1221791

    🍫Syag Lchochma
    Participant

    whenever I go to a meeting,

    I try to get preferential seating,

    not in front, but in back,

    so when contact it lacks,

    Nobody knows its CR threads I’m reading.

    #1221793

    🍫Syag Lchochma
    Participant

    I meant “so when content it lacks”

    and I even proofed it 🙁

    #1221794

    BaalHabooze
    Participant

    My kids and I were on a sled

    thrills n’ giggles, cheeks shiny red

    we had a blast that day

    no work, just fun and play

    #1221795

    blinky
    Participant

    Lets get in the purim mode….I made this one up in honor of Rosh Chodesh Adar…everyone feel free to chip in!

    After being hit with dung,

    From a pail his daughter flung,

    Haman the beast,

    Went to a feast,

    And then on a tree he was hung!

    #1221796

    BaalHabooze
    Participant

    nice one Blinky! here’s another l’kovod Haman!

    You thought you had scored that night

    When the king sought to reward a knight

    Royal Robes, a crown

    A ride through the town

    But the joke was on you, alright!

    #1221797

    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    The story of Purim Part 1.

    Achashverosh the King of Shushan

    was descended from the Persian clan

    he made a great feast

    at which he released

    a most hideous and outrageous plan.

    That vashti his beautiful queen

    must come and let herself be seen

    wearing not a royal gown

    but a sparkling crown

    but vashti said no, thats obscene.

    The king stamped his foot with a bang

    and did his wife vashti harangue

    haman said across the land

    wives will ignore their hubby’s command

    so I think vashti deserves to hang.

    After time the king did reminisce

    and vashti his queen he did miss

    so he called his wise men

    said he would marry again

    ‘go find the best beauty’ he did hiss.

    I dont care if you must harass her

    make sure that you find her, dont pass her

    right across my empire

    bring me all you admire

    one of them went and spotted Hadassa.

    She was seized and shlepped off to the palace

    by soldiers who were filled with malice

    she tried to resist

    but her cries were dismissed

    by cruel troopers who were really callous.

    Other girls captured also did preen

    and smear with oil for a sheen

    Esther kept herself plain

    “from these things I abstain”

    achashverosh still chose her as queen.

    Mordechai heard bigson and seresh

    plotting to harm the king’s flesh

    but cause mordechai knew every tongue

    they were found out and hung

    when in their plot they did enmesh.

    Then achashverosh did a silly thing

    he took from his finger his ring

    and gave it to haman

    who to kavod would run

    this made him into second to the king.

    Now haman was a real bad guy

    who held of himself very high

    to him all had to bow

    or get killed here and now

    so all did it except mordechai.

    This filled haman with a rage

    How dare he, that rude Jewish sage

    his anger was frothing

    all his power meant nothing

    I will kill him and turn a fresh page.

    PLEASE CONTINUE…

    #1221798

    blinky
    Participant

    He wanted to destroy the Jews fast,

    So lots Haman decided to cast,

    On Adar fourteen,

    Of Jews he’ll be clean,

    So that no man, woman, or child will last.

    Shticky- you make it sound very scary when Esther was taken- i never thought of it that way…lol

    CONTINUE…

    #1221799

    TheGoq
    Participant

    Shticky that is so awesome!!!!!! cant wait for the rest.

    #1221800

    BaalHabooze
    Participant

    **SSStretches, Wakes up between the couch and the curtains, holding a plunger(?) and an empty Glenfiddich bottle.**

    (YAAAAAAAWWWN) is purim over yet, anyone?

    Oy, my head’s aching, banging like a drum

    I never thought I’d say

    my booze is making me pay

    …but how did I end up in Belgium??

    #1221801

    Dr. Pepper
    Participant

    Behold, on another thread Dr. Pepper just ==>spoke<==,

    Ordered the wife,

    It sure was fun,

    #1221802

    stuck
    Member

    Dr. Pepper why are you gone?

    Are we devoid of life that causes the wife fright?

    What can we do to her convince?

    To give you a permission slip to stay?

    #1221803

    Dr. Pepper
    Participant

    (Sorry this isn’t in Limerick form.)

    The mods have yet to approve the post that was linked to in the first line. Once it is approved I think you’ll understand.

    Thanks for your support.

    Well, I can’t approve it since it has an email address. And I don’t understand, since I apparently don’t know what was going on in the background.

    But I’m sorry to see you go.

    -95

    #1221804

    Dr. Pepper
    Participant

    Is there someone else that can approve it- or do you just want to delete the contact information?

    #1221805

    oomis
    Participant

    Dr. P. we will miss you for sure.

    For what ails us you oft have the cure.

    So don’t stray too far;

    Your leaving the CR,

    Is more than we can endure.

    #1221806

    blinky
    Participant

    D.P. so sorry to hear your woe,

    It takes lots of courage you know,

    You posts were nice,

    It added spice,

    And im honored you picked this thread to go!

    Chag Kosher V’sameach!

    #1221807

    BaalHabooze
    Participant

    like heavy lead, like a weighty stone

    sitting in my belly, like a nasty ol’ bone

    though ??? is gone

    those ???? burn on

    all day I walk around and groan

    #1221808

    blinky
    Participant

    Matzah hardens in you like plaster,

    Becoming a complete disaster.

    Why don’t you choose,

    Whole wheat to use?

    It will digest much faster!

    #1221809

    ahoy, i am a new “poster”

    in limericks i desire to muster

    a rhyme that is funny

    and not too punny

    this is just an excuse to post faster.

    gastro docs really enjoy these yom tovs,

    their patients surely increase in droves,

    the matzah will bind those,

    who count until shavuos,

    the true meaning of “let my people go”?

    yehudis

    #1221810

    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    Matzos are called lechem oni

    But look at the price – it’s baloney

    They are so expensive

    Making us apprehensive

    So no wonder they make us so moany

    They are called the bread of the poor

    Cause they leave you with much less money than before

    The dough must not rise

    But the price? Lets be wise

    Every year it does rocket and soar

    #1221811

    blinky
    Participant

    This week don’t forget to make,

    A key in your challah when you bake.

    Must be of cash lost,

    From the Pesach cost,

    And extra “dough” can ease the ache.

    #1221812

    bpt
    Participant

    Nice of you to stop by, Ms Blink.

    Epes niez, other than shlissle challah?

    #1221813

    to the limerick room do i run,

    anticipating lots of fun,

    but to my dismay,

    no one has come to play,

    where is my welcome wagon

    #1221814

    blinky
    Participant

    bpt- Wow your here! (wheres your poem?)

    Im good bh! Nothing new of importance to ad yet…except for limericks!

    yehudis- Welcome to this thread! Pretty good ones (though they don’t follow the rules exactly-check the first post) Hope to be reading more!

    shticky- i always enjoy reading yours!

    #1221815

    blinky
    Participant

    This is really such great news,

    Mazel tov to BaalHabooze!

    A baby boy,

    Oh what a joy!

    A great addition for the Jews!

    #1221816

    BaalHabooze
    Participant

    hey blinky, a limerick written for me?

    in honor of my new born baby?

    well thanks so much

    for that special touch

    and take 10 points for originality!

    l’chaim, blinky, l’chaim!

    #1221817

    smartcookie
    Member

    It’s my birthday, a real big day

    How old am I? Not gonna say

    Let’s throw a party

    Let’s make it hearty

    Please join us and stay!

    #1221818

    BaalHabooze
    Participant

    smartcookie! happy birthday to you

    you belong in the zoo

    you look like a donkey

    or is it a monkey?

    and you are one too!

    🙂

    sorry (I’m overtired these days), but I really want to wish you a mazel tov, and a year of happiness, brocha and hatzlochah, v’chol tov!

    l’chaim, smartcookie, l’chaim!!

    #1221819

    blinky
    Participant

    A happy birthday i must insist,

    To my fellow limericist*

    Can I be bold

    And ask how old?

    Im sorry I could not resist!

    *(excuse the spelling)

    And yes L’chaim!!

    #1221820

    smartcookie
    Member

    Thank you booze,but I must inquire

    Do you know me, don’t be a liar?

    Otherwise, how would you know

    That I look like a donkey oh

    I must be the cousin you admire!

    And blinky, I do appreciate

    The Brochos on my birth date

    I’m somewhere inbetween

    Eighty and nineteen

    Now buy the gift before its too late.

    #1221822

    SayIDidIt™
    Participant

    As I sit up in the middle of the night

    Staying awake is a big fight

    But reading the CR is so entertaing

    Much information I am gaining

    I don’t want to turn off the light

    This is my first post on this thread

    Words are flying through my head

    To think of a rhyme

    Doesn’t take much time

    But I really should go to bed

    Elul is the month that we are in

    And missing Minyan is a big sin

    So to you I say good bye

    And please don’t make me lie

    As I go to tuck myself in…

    SiDi™

    #1221823

    As I try to write a good limerick

    Which I’m having such a hard time doing

    It looks pretty easy

    to get the syllables right

    But I can’t for the life of mine rhyme

    #1221824

    SayIDidIt™
    Participant

    TNIAT: You can say that again!! Very funny!

    SiDi™

    #1221825

    BaalHabooze
    Participant

    TNIAT – lol, how ’bout some fine schnapps to get the ‘ol brain working?

    “Rosh Hashanah is coming!”, warned my wife

    I drop my booze as if I’ve been stabbed by a knife

    I thank my wife in a daze

    begin to introspect my ways

    and slowly improve my deeds for a more meaningful life.

    #1221826

    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    I gave a loud shout and a cheer

    When I saw the old limerick thread appear

    I came to drop in

    Before the Yom Hadin

    Which falls at the start of each year

    I have a request of my friends

    At the time that we all make amends

    With a plea quite overt

    That if you I did hurt

    Or did something that you thought offends

    Then I ask you ?????? and ???????

    to practice some ?????? ?????

    by being forgiving

    at what you find hard reliving

    and have pity ???? ?? ?? ????

    I love coming here on this site

    for relaxation and not to fight

    but after the asifa

    I think about lot teefer

    and just want to do what is right

    so I have been staying away

    from things that could lead me astray

    ?after droshos so rousing

    on the dangers of browsing

    but I’m sure I’ll be back here some day

    I thank every editor and moderator

    from recent to original creator

    much I have gained

    and I feel real pained

    there is no site that I like greater

    ????? ?????? ????

    #1221827

    TNIAT – lol, how ’bout some fine schnapps to get the ‘ol brain working?

    Hey Baal habooze

    I think I finaly got the rhyming to cruz

    But after having that drink that you advised

    I can’t get my lines to be the right size

    So between the rhyming and the sillybles I now must choose

    #1221828

    BaalHabooze
    Participant

    hey TNIAT, you’re getting there buddy

    think of a rhyme while sober

    then let the drinks take over

    please keep it short

    if not, just abort

    and try again next October

    #1221829

    Hey there Mr. Baal habooze

    your advice is a bit confused

    When sober I cant rhyme

    and when drunk not on time

    So I reversed your advice it Cruzed

    #1221830

    Dr. Pepper
    Participant

    Today it’s time for my annual appearance,

    Thanks to my wife for giving me the clearance

    So I say “Hello”,

    Now I have to go,

    away for my yearlong disappearance.

    A Gutten Moed to all.

    #1221831

    SaysMe
    Member

    hello to the doctor on his yearly show

    he comes and just as soon he’ll go

    but welcome back

    from the cr pack

    we regret it will be such a short time, though

    #1221832

    Shopping613 🌠
    Participant

    Yesterday I tried writing a limerick:

    There once was a girl named Honey

    tried to write limericks that were funny

    When they asked her why

    She said with a sigh

    “Hmmmm….what did she say?”

    “Who?” Asked my sister

    “The girl named Honey”

    “How should I know, and who names their girl Honey anyways?”

    “But it HAS to be honey, it can’t be like batsheva or Shachar because NOTHING RHYME WITH BATSHEVA!!!!!!!!”

    “What in the world are you talking about you drama queen?”

    “I have no idea….”

    I think thats the last time I try to write a limerick…..

    #1221833

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    There once was a girl named Honey

    who tried to write limericks so funny

    When they asked her why,

    She said with a sigh,

    …”There’s nothing I won’t do for money!”

    #1221834

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    There once was a girl named Batsheva

    who tried to write limericks so cleva.

    When they asked her why,

    She said with a sigh,

    “What should I do, that’s my teva!”

    #1221835

    dotnetter
    Member

    There once was a girl named Shachar

    Who tried to write limericks on a car

    When they asker her why,

    She said with a sigh,

    “That way I know they’ll go far.”

    #1221836

    golfer
    Participant

    If you wish to know Yaakov & Eisav were 3

    If you want to be a member of SUC

    If you’re in the midst of divorcing

    Or perhaps Greek yogurt you’re sourcing

    Then come troll the CR with me!

    #1221837

    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    You don’t really have to be quick

    To write out a short limerick

    So Shopping613

    It’s as easy as can be

    And really is not a big ‘shtick’

    You’re a poster with great discerning

    Show us how a limerick award you’re earning

    You can be fantastic

    With the grace of a gymnastic

    Real soon some great limericks you’ll be churning!

    You’re like the schoolboy who lives in Japan

    His limericks they never would scan

    And when they asked him but why

    He would say with a sigh

    “It’s because I always try to get as many words into the last line as I possibly can!”

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