Sample Seminary Essay

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  • #614321

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    I am looking for some sample seminary essays to get some ideas of what my daughter should write in her essay to BJJ in 2031.

    Please post your seminary essays, along with:

    1. Seminaries sent to.

    2. Whether you were accepted.

    3. Your high school and GPA.

    Thanks in advance!

    #1063240

    ivory
    Member

    Another seminary thread!

    #1063241

    please dont post stuff like this thanks

    #1063242

    Patur Aval Assur
    Participant
    #1063243

    stam a deya
    Member

    A Rosh Yeshiva called me once to write an essay for his daughter in BJJ. I sat down with my massive library and tools and could not complete the assignment. It was so silly….When my own daughter went (she didn’t really ask me….), I told her in no uncertain terms that she will not get help from me !!! Absolutely ridicuolous. I was coined the phrase that we pay $15,000-$20,000 tuition for seminary “to teach our daughters about ???????”. Totally outrageous.

    #1063244

    patal avul assur – u sure that girl isnt a troll? who in the world talks like that?

    #1063245

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    ’31? You must be trolling us. You said she was going in ’33.

    Also, you should really send your daughters to your own seminaries. It’s good for shidduchim, you know.

    http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/how-important-is-seminary-for-shidduchim#post-533559

    #1063246

    Patur Aval Assur
    Participant

    DaasYochid:

    She’s going to be in the class of 2033 which is the school year beginning in September 2032 which means she will be writing her application essay in the end of 2031. That is what Popa meant when he wrote “what my daughter should write in her essay to BJJ in 2031”.

    #1063247

    Randomex
    Member

    DaasYochid:

    It should be ’32 (in this thread). Is that what you meant?

    Here’s his timeline from the “BJJ class of 2033” thread:

    Feb 2014

    turns 18 in feb 2032

    graduates high school in 2032

    finishes seminary in 2033

    #1063248

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Do I really need to explain how I know popa’s trolling?

    1. I don’t think popa became such a feminist overnight that he made a pidyon habas, and expects her to be a gadol.

    2. Popa doesn’t believe in seminaries.

    3. It’s too early for essays for 2031, 2, or 3.

    4. HE’S POPA, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!

    #1063249

    Patur Aval Assur
    Participant

    patal avul assur – u sure that girl isnt a troll? who in the world talks like that?

    If you don’t believe me, click on the link in her post. Also, I wasn’t only referring to the first post in that thread.

    #1063250

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Again proving that only people with a P and and A in their name know math.

    #1063251

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Again proving that only people with a P and and A in their name know math.

    It’s got nothing to do with math, it has to do with me not knowing that the seminary situation is so redacted that most girls have to write silly essays so far in advance.

    I didn’t know, because when you have enough $$, they don’t bother you to write essays, they’re only makpid that you know how to sign checks.

    #1063254

    writersoul
    Member

    Seminary essays are just to show that your tutor, older sister or friend has a basic grasp of the English language.

    #1063255

    Patur Aval Assur
    Participant

    This was my seminary application essay:

    To whom it may concern,

    My name is Patur Aval Assur.

    I am smart… but not too smart.

    I am funny… but not too funny.

    I am calm… but not too calm.

    I am geshmak… but not too geshmak.

    I am quiet… but not too quiet.

    I am serious… but not too serious.

    I am popular… but not too popular.

    I am caring… but not too caring.

    I am nice… but not too nice.

    I am with it… but not too with it.

    I am tzanua… but not too tzanua.

    I am trendy… but not too trendy.

    I am open minded… but not too open minded.

    I am helpful… but not too helpful.

    I was head of production… but not too much.

    I was head of chessed… but not too much.

    I was president of G.O…. but not too much.

    I have given a lot of information about myself… but not too much.

    A few days later, I realized that I had made a huge mistake. So I immediately emailed the following to the seminary:

    To whom it my concern,

    I apologize profusely for my mistake but it seems as if I accidentally sent you my shidduch profile instead of my application essay. Please tell me how I should proceed.

    Sincerely,

    Patur Aval Assur

    They emailed me back:

    Dear Patur,

    No apology is necessary. It was an honest mistake and we get it all the time. What you sent us is more than enough for us to determine that you are exactly what we are looking for.

    Fondly,

    The Hanhala

    #1063256

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Funny, PAA! (but not too funny)

    #1063257

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    When I was learning in the Mir, my chavrusah’s wife had the job of reading all of these.

    Basically, they paid her 2 shekel per essay to read them and fill out a chart–not unlike PAA’s– that rated the applicant from 1-5 on various metrics.

    He used to bring in the, errr, interesting ones, and we’d cackle over them.

    #1063258

    Patur Aval Assur
    Participant

    Question:

    Why can’t I make a two line break in a post? In my above seminary application there was supposed to be a two line break to make clear that “A few days later…” was not part of the original essay.

    #1063259

    Patur Aval Assur
    Participant

    Thank you, DaasYochid.

    #1063260

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    You’re welcome…but not too welcome.

    #1063261

    BoruchSchwartz
    Participant

    oh would you quit cackling like a bunch of hens!

    #1063262

    i havent even had the baby yet!!

    #1063263

    Patur Aval Assur
    Participant

    I had been warned by my friends that they ask weird questions in the interview. So I prepared answers to all sorts of questions, such as “if you were an animal what would you be?”, “If you were a flower…”, If you were a drink…”, “If you were a car…”, etc.

    But what they actually asked me was “If you were an element which one would you be?”

    I was totally unprepared for that one. I started running through the periodic table in my mind but I couldn’t really think of an answer because my mind was occupied by the thought that if all girls had to be an element, shidduchim would be so much simpler – atomic number = dress size and atomic mass = weight.

    The interviewer started losing patience so I just blurted out “Oxygen”.

    But then I was asked to explain my choice. So I just said the first thing that popped into my mind:

    “I want to be able to give life support to my husband.”

    Needless to say, I was accepted on the spot.

    #1063264

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    I told them “moron.”

    You mean boron?

    No, I mean you.

    A different time I told them farlium.

    Why?

    Because I know you wouldn’t know it wasn’t a real element.

    #1063265

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    I was actually the one interviewing popa.

    First popa called me a Boron. So I asked her, if she thought so, why did she want to come to my Seminarium? She said because there were no good Seminariums in Americium. So I asked her why she didn’t apply to Bnos Sarah in Californium, and she said because she isn’t Lubavium.

    I told her that I had to be Francium with her, that we couldn’t take a girl who was Sodium.

    And I got the last laugh, because the application fee was a lot more than a Nickel.

    #1063266

    Patur Aval Assur
    Participant

    Then there was the time when the interviewer asked me what a certain Ramban was saying. When I told her that I had no idea, she asked me what a different Ramban was saying, and again I didn’t know. After about seven or eight repeats of this, one of the Rabbis walked in. I turned to the Rabbi and said “Just what we needed. Mrs. Interviewer really wants to know what the Ramban is saying and I haven’t the foggiest idea. Maybe you can help her.” She got this look on her face so I assumed she was embarrassed that she didn’t know the Rambans. So I said to her “Don’t worry about the fact that you can’t read a Ramban; I can’t either and I’m getting along just fine. And anyway I’m sure you have other good qualities. Like maybe you’re a good cook or something.” At that point she jumped up and shouted “I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW…” but I cut her off and said “there you go – you have a dramatic flair. Maybe you can join the Drama Club. I hear it’s good for shidduchim.” She then said “Young lady, I am married.” To which I responded “Really? Even though you couldn’t read a Ramban?”

    At this point she was steaming (I’m not quite sure why; maybe the previous interviewee got her into a bad mood). She said “You insolent impertinent twerp! I have not seen such audacity in all my years of conducting interviews!”

    I was starting to get a little uncomfortable. I was not really used to having a middle aged woman yelling at me for no apparent reason. So I said “maybe we should sing a song together. It’s really good for calming down.” (The Rabbi had already walked out so there was no kol isha issue.) Guess what? She slapped me. Right across the face. But I kept my cool and said “thank you for your time” and walked out.

    #1063267

    Patur Aval Assur
    Participant

    I saw a friend of mine today and she looked like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. So naturally I asked her what was bothering her. So she tells me that she’s going for her seminary interview on Monday and she’s freaking out. So I said “why ever so?” to which she responded that she heard some legends and she’s terrified of getting Popa as her interviewer. (I immediately thought to tell her to read http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/im-afraid-it-will-be-popa but I didn’t, for two reasons. 1) She happens to be on the rotund end of the spectrum and would probably get insulted if she read that thread. 2) It was unclear to me whether she had actually read this thread or whether she had just heard legends from someone else; I have a shtickle raya that she did not read this thread – in this thread DaasYochid interviewed Popa but we don’t find that Popa interviewed anyone. But I couldn’t be sure that she hadn’t read it and I knew that I wanted to post about her and I was afraid that if I told her to read that other thread, she might also read this thread and realize that I’m talking about her.)

    So I told her “you can’t go through life always being afraid of meeting Popa. For all you know I might be Popa.” Let me tell you, that REALLY freaked her out.

    #1063268

    PAA:

    Question:

    Why can’t I make a two line break in a post?

    ?? There’s no double spacing / So you say / Not for you anyway ??

    But for me… Double spacing within a line is impossible, AFAIK.

    #1063269

    Careful examination of my post may reveal the double line-gap technique.

    #1063270

    Patur Aval Assur
    Participant

    Again proving that only people with a P and and A in their name know math

    What about

    http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/parents-and-shidduchim#post-551682 ?

    #1063271

    Patur Aval Assur
    Participant

    Turns out I had already insulted Popa’s math skills several months earlier:

    http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/good-jokes/page/33#post-536673

    #1063272

    To maximize you’re chances at BJJ, you should demonstrate broad knowledge on the subject of hidden haskalic tendencies of accepted rabbinic authorities.

    #1063273

    cozimjewish
    Member

    PAA – how exactly were you G.O President “not too much”? 😉

    #1063274

    cozimjewish
    Member

    (Sorry. Just read it now… 🙂 )

    #1063275

    Patur Aval Assur
    Participant

    To maximize you’re chances at BJJ, you should demonstrate broad knowledge on the subject of hidden haskalic tendencies of accepted rabbinic authorities.

    It’s actually a geshmak dissertation (though I haven’t finished it yet so this comment is subject to change).

    #1063276

    Patur Aval Assur
    Participant

    cozimjewish:

    The same way I was head of production and head of chessed not too much.

    #1063277

    cozimjewish
    Member

    Yes well…..that made a lot of sense too 🙂

    #1063278

    Patur Aval Assur
    Participant

    I would explain, but I’m afraid it might degenerate into a theological debate.

    #1063279

    cozimjewish
    Member

    Head of production, chessed, G.O…..no wonder you were accepted into Bnos Sarah, BJJ, Michlalah etc!!!

    #1063280

    cozimjewish
    Member

    PAA – You’re too funny! Lol 😀

    #1063281

    cozimjewish
    Member

    Whoops, I mean – you’re funny, but not too funny…

    #1063282

    Patur Aval Assur
    Participant

    Why thank you.

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