Jokes

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  • #1202540

    golfer
    Participant

    Gentlemen,

    The title of this thread is:

    ” Jokes “

    May I suggest you start a private thread called:

    ” Squabbles, Bickering & Disagreements “

    …And let the rest of us laugh in peace.

    #1202541

    Patur Aval Assur
    Participant

    You can laugh at our “Squabbles, Bickering & Disagreements”. And while I can’t speak for Randomex, I most certainly am not a gentleman.

    #1202542

    Joseph
    Participant

    I never took you to be a cad, PAA.

    #1202544

    Patur Aval Assur
    Participant

    Is there nothing in between gentleman and cad? Also you will have to tell me which definition of cad you are using.

    #1202545

    Joseph
    Participant

    I surely never assumed you to be a ruffian which would be two steps away from a gentleman.

    “A cad is a man who is aware of the codes of conduct which separate a gentleman from a ruffian, but finds himself unable to quite live up to them. Cads are quite capable of disguising themselves as good chaps for some time, only revealing their true nature in circumstances of particular stress or temptation. Others embrace their caddishness wholeheartedly and delight in behaving in a manner which is, to be quite frank, not cricket.”

    #1202546

    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    I don’t find this discussion funny.

    #1202547

    Patur Aval Assur
    Participant

    Lior:

    Now I’m confused as to what your point was.

    (As a side note I was leaving open the possibility that you may have meant any of the following definitions:

    1)a local town boy or youth, as contrasted with a university or public school student

    2)an ill-bred man, especially one who behaves in a dishonorable or irresponsible way toward women

    3)a servant at a university or public school

    4)an omnibus conductor)

    #1202548

    Patur Aval Assur
    Participant

    “I don’t find this discussion funny.”

    Why ever not?

    #1202549

    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    It is simply not amusing in any way.

    #1202550

    Patur Aval Assur
    Participant

    I’m sorry to hear that. I happen to find it very amusing.

    #1202551

    Bookworm120
    Participant

    RebYidd, if it makes you feel better, I’m finding our philosophical discussion about Arthur in the Hello Kitty thread to be both enlightening and amusing. 🙂

    #1202552

    Randomex
    Member

    Well, if it amuses you, PAA… Lay on!

    Part A:

    1:

    No but you should have read that thread and remembered it.

    2:

    I don’t expect you to read all the threads from before you became a user AND I also don’t expect you to read all the current threads.

    //

    Had you said that the corpus of coffee room posts is too vast for you to be expected to be a baki in it’s entirety then I would have accepted that as a valid excuse.

    Kindly reconcile the first statement with the last two.

    __________________________

    Part B:

    My only point is that you should have originally said that the reason that you didn’t know of the post that I linked is that you shouldn’t be expected to know every post. When you became a user should have had nothing to do with it.

    Shouldn’t you have immediately questioned whether I had indeed read every thread/post since I became a user, as I implied by giving the excuse I did for not knowing that post? (I haven’t, by the way.)

    There, that should give you something to chew on 🙂

    _________________________________

    Hey, Reb Yidd!:

    Randomex, some people do [search the CR before every time they post anything]. Those people are from the same planet.

    What exactly do you mean by that “planet” remark?

    #1202553

    Patur Aval Assur
    Participant

    Randomex:

    My first statement was before I knew your standards. In the process of making your standards known you advanced invalid claims. You said that you shouldn’t be expected to have read posts that predate you. I provided two reasons why your claim was invalid: 1)According to your logic, I shouldn’t be expected to know any Torah 2)You have in fact referenced posts that predate you. You attempted to trip me up by pointing out that I quote from the “great writings of Shas and Poskim” yet presumably I don’t know it all. I assume that was to counteract my second point by showing that the fact that someone quotes from a given corpus doesn’t mean that they know it in its entirety. But all I was doing was pointing out that the mere fact that something predates you is not inherently an excuse for not knowing it, which would apply to Shas and Poskim as well, so your point didn’t prove anything because I never claimed that I don’t know Shas and Poskim BECAUSE it predates me – I had merely pointed out that according to your excuse I should have an excuse too which I obviously don’t, hence your excuse must be invalid. Then you kind of admitted that you really meant that the corpus of coffee room posts that predate you is too vast to master, but rejoined that the corpus of current posts is also too vast, hence the age of the post is completely irrelevant.

    So in other words, you could have just countered my original claim by saying that you can’t be expected to read every post in the coffee room and then we could have gone back to telling jokes.

    #1202554

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Patur Aval Assur and Randomex walk into a bar.

    (someone help me with a punchline)

    #1202556

    Randomex
    Member

    We punch each other?

    #1202557

    Randomex
    Member

    ((

    but rejoined

    That should’ve been “but I rejoined.” That little typo threw me off for a little while.))

    I could counter-argue that it is actually possible to read all posts beginning from a specific time, though it would take an inordinate amount of time to do so.

    Anyway, you’re saying that our exchange should have run as follows:

    PAA:No, but you should have read that thread and remembered it.

    Randomex: That’s an unreasonable expectation, given the number of CR posts.

    I agree. But why did you put forth that unreasonable (as you yourself admit) expectation to begin with?

    #1202558

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Maybe that was too tough a request. You can add more parts to it, like, “and the bartender says to PAA…”.

    #1202559

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    You can talk about the counter if you want.

    #1202560

    Patur Aval Assur
    Participant

    “Shouldn’t you have immediately questioned whether I had indeed read every thread/post since I became a user, as I implied by giving the excuse I did for not knowing that post?”

    1)?”? ????????? ???? ???? ?? ??? ????? ????? ?????? ????? ?”? ?? ??? ????? ??? ??? ??? ???? ?? (Sanhedrin 91b)

    2)The question that I did ask was a better question then the one which you suggest because if I had followed your suggestion, you could have answered that indeed you have read every thread since becoming a user, whereas the question that I did ask was guaranteed to have no answer.

    3)But you’ll ask that I should have asked both questions. To that I will respond ???? ?????? ???? ???? ???????? ??? ???? (Tosafos B.B. 5b s.v. Ki) which the Hagahos HariYavetz explains ???? ?????? ???? ????.

    #1202561

    Randomex
    Member

    You mean the counterpunch?

    On a serious note, please check out the “Question of names” thread and tell us whether a Shem Hashem written out phonetically (or however) in English is sheimos or not.

    As for jokes, please see here:

    http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/alter-the-thread-titles/page/2#post-536534

    #1202562

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Or, finish this one:

    Why did PAA and Randomex cross the road?

    #1202563

    Patur Aval Assur
    Participant

    Randomex:

    You are correct about the typo.

    “But why did you put forth that unreasonable (as you yourself admit) expectation to begin with?”

    As I said, at the time that I made that comment, I did not know your standards or your capabilities. Or think of it like a negotiator starting out with a higher demand than what he really expects to get.

    #1202564

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Because that’s where the bar was?

    #1202566

    Patur Aval Assur
    Participant

    Randomex walks into a bar. He wants to steal less than a ??? ????? of beer. So he asks the guy next to him if it’s muttar. The guy responds in the affirmative. As Randomex reaches over to perform the act of thievery the Bartender shouts “you can’t rely on him (the guy that Randomex had asked) – he’s just DaasYochid. As this is all happening PAA shows up. Randomex, who is now confused, says out loud “so what’s the halacha?” at the same time as DaasYochid confrontationally asks the newcomer “who are you?” The newcomer, ever the pragmatist, says “Patur Aval Assur”, thus answering both questions in one fell swoop. DaasYochid says “you aren’t reliable either because you don’t learn iyun”. PAA replies “I think we’ve been through this several times already”. By now a whole crowd is gathered around waiting for someone to throw the first counterpunch. So no one notices Popa Bar Abba sneaking behind the counter and drinking the place clean. To diffuse the tension, someone says “anyone have a joke?” Popa, in his drunken stupor, says “I have a joke. Three retards walk into a bar…” Before he can finish, the assembled mob attacks as one and hangs Popa by his ankles from the ceiling. DaMoshe is called in to sing through the entire High Holy Days liturgy while Popa is forced to listen. Meanwhile Randomex is feeling rather slighted. “Why is Popa always the center of attention?” he asks. So in order to garner some attention for himself, Randomex goes on a crusade against people who continue threads from the ancient past. In reality this is a cover for Randomex who spends all his waking hours reading threads that predate him. As the crowd starts to disperse, DaasYochid points out that any gathering at which the Shidduch Catastrophe is not discussed is a Moshav Leitzim. At this point Popa breaks free and responds that there is no shidduch catastrophe because he is already married to every single girl. By now, everyone has already had enough, and the Moderator, seeing that things are about to get out of hand, presses “edit” and this whole story becomes “Why did PAA and Randomex cross the road?”

    #1202567

    Randomex
    Member

    As I said, at the time that I made that comment, I did not know your standards or your capabilities. Or think of it like a negotiator starting out with a higher demand than what he really expects to get.

    Or you were just joking around. Alright, I’m feeling intellectually outmatched and I’ve been in a losing position from the beginning – it’s time for me to let this go.

    ? ? ? ?

    So goodbye, Patur Aval Assur

    It’s so sad to see you go, so far away

    Will you think about me sometimes, and

    remember all the good times, something-or-other whatever, goodbye.

    ? ? ? ?

    I’ll return with jokes, I suppose, should I find them.

    #1202568

    Patur Aval Assur
    Participant

    “? ? ? ?

    So goodbye, Patur Aval Assur

    It’s so sad to see you go, so far away

    Will you think about me sometimes, and

    remember all the good times, something-or-other whatever, goodbye.

    ? ? ? ?”

    Can you translate these beautiful sentiments into Yiddish?

    #1202569

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Three editeds walk into a bar…

    That was extremely offensive.

    (also, you don’t know how to count)

    #1202570

    Patur Aval Assur
    Participant

    “also, you don’t know how to count”

    ?

    #1202571

    ED IT OR
    Participant

    Back to the subject at hand,

    if you were to read every one of Randomex’s post’s before posting you would never have a chance to post as he would have filled the next page in the mean time. and again. and than again.

    #1202572

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    There are at least four in the story. 🙂

    #1202573

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Now watch PAA make painful diyukim on my line.

    #1202574

    Patur Aval Assur
    Participant

    DaasYochid:

    I don’t understand what you are trying to say. In my story, Popa said a joke about three retards walking into a bar. The way I understood that was that Popa was stam saying a joke and bar jokes (with multiple people) generally involve three people. But I can understand if you feel that once I published my story I lose ba’alus over its interpretation and you can therefore interpret it differently. It seems that you interpreted it as Popa referring to what was happening in the story. But if so, I don’t know why you think that there weren’t three retards. Randomex, DaasYochid, and Patur Aval Assur were the three characters. Maybe you think that Popa should be the fourth, but Popa is the one saying the joke so he probably wouldn’t include himself in the group of retards walking into the bar. Also, it doesn’t say anywhere that Popa actually walked into the bar – he could have been there all along. In fact it’s probable that Popa lives there. (For that matter it doesn’t say that DaasYochid walked into the bar either. So it could be that only two retards walked into the bar.) Anyway, even if you have a point (which you don’t), it wouldn’t be a kashya on me for not knowing how to count; it would be a kashya on Popa for not knowing how to count, and with Popa I don’t think that’s much of a kashya.

    #1202575

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Do you like the way I took advantage of the -1 years glitch?

    #1202576

    Patur Aval Assur
    Participant

    crazybrit:

    You seem to be discussing one of Xeno’s paradoxes. It would only apply here if Randomex never stopped posting. If you want to discuss Xeno’s paradox(es) you can find me at http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/philosophy-question

    #1202577

    SayIDidIt™
    Participant

    Did I go into the wrong thread? I clicked on “Jokes” and found some weird argument/discussed going on (though I do have to admit that PAA’s bar story/joke was pretty good!).

    Please take your arguments somewhere else and let’s get back to jokes…

    #1202578

    thethinkingjew
    Participant
    #1202579

    Patur Aval Assur
    Participant

    Thank you for the compliment SayIDidIt.

    “Please take your arguments somewhere else and let’s get back to jokes…”

    It is a joke. You just have read between the lines of the argument to arrive at the joke.

    #1202580

    Patur Aval Assur
    Participant

    “Do you like the way I took advantage of the -1 years glitch?”

    How do I know you didn’t just predict my response?

    #1202581

    SayIDidIt™
    Participant

    It is a joke. You just have read between the lines of the argument to arrive at the joke.

    I understand the whole “argument” is a joke, however, this thread is for real jokes (which will make people happy/laugh. If you would like to argue humorously (or not…), start a “General Shmooze Thread #6″…

    And you are welcome!

    #1202582

    ED IT OR
    Participant

    PLEASE DONT HIJACK OTHER PEOPLES THREADS<

    if you want to post jokes on the rant thread go make your own thread.

    #1202583

    Patur Aval Assur
    Participant

    “I understand the whole “argument” is a joke, however, this thread is for real jokes (which will make people happy/laugh.”

    You misunderstand. The “argument” is a real argument. The joke is embedded within the depths of the argument. It is a real joke which will make people happy/laugh. But only if they get the joke.

    #1202584

    So anyways back to some good humor.

    Last year I went to my chavrusa’s house for Rosh Hashana and he likes to add simonim, he added two. Lettuce and a rasin with cellary (well known), but what I enjoyed was when he took out a ball of dough and rolled it to his wife. He said may we all be rolling in the dough this coming year. Ksiva Vchsima Tova

    #1202585

    pixelate
    Member

    lol!

    #1202586

    SayIDidIt™
    Participant

    Haha!

    #1202587

    Randomex
    Member

    Did anyone else see the story “Angry Birds” in Family First?

    While the story in a way revolved around it (hence the title),

    it is abundantly clear that the author knew nothing of the game

    other than the words “birds” and “angry,” leading to multiple references to “shooting down the birds,” etc.

    (If you don’t find this amusing, Google: angry birds gameplay.)

    Appalling is that the author apparently didn’t even think to ask anyone or anything for information, kal vachomer go a few rounds with the pigs to get into her character’s headspace.

    (I’ve never played the game myself…)

    [I’m still reading through the new posts. Please be patient.]

    #1202588

    Randomex
    Member

    After my son’s bris, he couldn’t walk for a year.

    -Rabbi Chaim of Chabad (somewhere in Texas)[and countless other people, I’m sure, but that’s who I heard it from first]

    PAA, I searched Google in general and specifying coffee or “coffee room” (one of those) before posting. The first 20 results on Google included this joke – one was Squeak posting it on the CR five years ago.

    I think it’s been long enough for a re-post.

    #1202589

    Patur Aval Assur
    Participant

    Randomex:

    You seem to be assuming that I object to the posting of a joke that has previously been posted (somewhat recently). However, that was never my objection. If you look back at my original post, my only point was that you said over the joke differently. http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/good-jokes/page/32#post-535299

    #1202590

    Randomex
    Member

    (I still haven’t finished reading the posts…)

    PAA (what is your preferred form of address?):

    If you have a problem with non-Jews having slightly different versions of a joke (or with saying something in a slightly different way than it was said before), you should see THIS.

    #1202591

    Patur Aval Assur
    Participant

    “PAA (what is your preferred form of address?):”

    Did something I say prompt this question?

    But you can address me however you wish; I’ll decide whether to acknowledge it on a case-by-case basis.

    I don’t have a problem per se with different versions. It’s just that I had only seen the other version and you suddenly are mechadesh a new version – I wanted to point that out. Perhaps you were just misquoting or something. Then again it’s also possible that the version I referenced was a misquote, or that both versions are misquotes, or that you each independently thought of the same joke.

    #1202592

    Patur Aval Assur
    Participant
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