Why are jewish chat rooms considered appropriate

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  • #619300

    AgainstTheTide
    Participant

    Why is it ok for jewish, religious- married or single men and women to be discussing things on chats? Most people on chats like this wouldn’t let themselves be seen talking to a person from the other gender for even a minute.

    #1218535

    Lightbrite
    Participant

    At least one person here isn’t a man or a woman.

    He’s a frog.

    Talking to frogs is muttar.

    #1218536

    ywnposter
    Member

    Because there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it.

    The only reason why they wouldn’t talk in real life is because it would be “inappropriate” for some people because of tznius issues.

    Since they don’t physically see each other or even hear each other at all, and it’s completely impossible to 100% know for sure if they’re actually talking to the other gender, there is absolutely no reason at all for it to be inappropriate in any way

    #1218537

    ๐Ÿ‘‘RebYidd23
    Participant

    This is less like speaking to someone and more like reading a newspaper article that they wrote.

    #1218538

    Lightbrite
    Participant

    Maybe the public multi-poster setting also resolves unhalachic circumstances of yichud.

    Is using Internet vs no Internet a bigger deal than using the CR vs no CR?

    #1218539

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    If you’re going to be on Internet, CR is probably one of the better places to be.

    But neither one is l’chatchila, imho. And anyone who thinks so is fooling themselves, imho. But we don’t live in a l’chatchila world, and everyone has to make their own cheshbonos.

    That involves considering what your alternatives are. That is different for each person. There may be some people who would be learning Torah. They should not be here. There may be some who would be on other sites online. They probably should be here (depending what those sites are). There are some who would go out of their minds because they need the outlet because their jobs are boring or they live or work by themselves, etc. They probably should be here, unless they can find a better outlet.

    Additionally, as in any other decision, it also involves considering the maalos and chesronos. Some people may feel that the site either gives them chizuk and/or gives them the opportunity to give chizuk to others. Some may feel that they learn more Torah as a result of the CR since it gives them the impetus to look things up.

    Those things should be weighed against any potential chesronos. But anyone who thinks there are no chesronos is fooling himself, imho.

    #1218540

    1st of all, this is called a forum. This is a completely different layout, experience, and halachic sheila to a chat room. The title of the thread should be changed to reflect that.

    A chat room would definitely be assur. 100 percent.

    Besides for the fact that there is no to pm anyone or contact them in any way. It is moderated, safe, healthy… etc.

    #1218541

    Little Froggie
    Participant

    Ruff ruff… (oops, ribit)

    #1218542

    yichusdik
    Participant

    OP, if you feel it is wrong and its a bad hashpo’oh on you, you can leave. If you feel you need to tell others how to behave, I don’t think passive/aggressive questioning of the anonymous posters here is going to float your boat.

    If, however, with the purest of intentions you are concerned for my neshomah, I can’t speak for everyone here, but I’ll thank you in advance for including me in your tefilos.

    #1218543

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    Yichusdik – the OP asked a legitimate question. He wasn’t attacking anyone. Your response sounds a bit harsh to me.

    #1218544

    LU, you’re being a bit naive.

    #1218545

    Lightbrite
    Participant

    DY really?

    I also thought that this was a real question. If the answer was suitable halachically, then maybe the OP would feel comfortable posting.

    Maybe the OP wanted to post but didn’t know how it was okay, so wanted to hear from posters here.

    Also, maybe the OP did not feel comfortable asking a LOR directly.

    #1218546

    Lightbrite
    Participant

    Then again, look it could have not had to do with us at all.

    Shopping613 has a good point that this is not a “chat room” too ๐Ÿ™‚

    See DifferenceBetween:

    Summary: Difference Between Chat Rooms and Forums is that A chat room is a location on an Internet server that permits users to chat with each other. While Bulletin board(BB or Bboard), discussion forum, discussion board, and forum is a discussion area where user share their thoughts with each other about any topic.

    #1218547

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    DY – Did you have a problem with the OP’s OP? I wouldn’t have thought you would.

    #1218548

    LB and LU, the way the OP was worded most certainly does not come across as if he/she was seeking guidance.

    #1218549

    yichusdik
    Participant

    Thank you DY. – LU, what he said.

    and if the OP is truly asking for the right reasons, as I wrote, I’ll be grateful if they included me in their tefilos.

    #1218550

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    “and if the OP is truly asking for the right reasons, as I wrote, I’ll be grateful if they included me in their tefilos”

    If you meant that sincerely, that’s beautiful, & I apologize for misjudging you. However it really had sounded like you were being sarcastic, based on the beg. of your post

    I understood the OP in one of two ways (or a combo). I thought he was either trying to understand or pointing out that there may be an issue. I thought the most likely possibility was that it was a combo

    He didnt phrase it in an insulting way. As this is a Frum website, it seems to me that it is legit & approp. for him to express the fact that there may be halachic/hashkafic problems. The same way that people say something when they feel that s/t is kefira

    And if you think it’s wrong for someone to give someone else tochacha, why is it ok for you to have responded to him the way you did? (I mean that as a ? & not as an attack ๐Ÿ™‚

    #1218551

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    Wordcount = 927 characters with spaces. Yeah!!

    #1218552

    Little Froggie
    Participant

    I really shouldn’t be here to tell people they shouldn’t be here to tell people they shouldn’t be here to tell people…

    #1218553

    Lightbrite
    Participant

    Yay!!! LU how did you get the word count in your post?

    Do I need to write them up in Microsoft Office then cut & paste here?

    #1218554

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    Actually, I wrote it up here, and then cut and pasted on a word document. It may have pressed “send post” first, hoping it was good and taking into account that I could edit afterwards.

    It’s much easier to do it that way.

    Once you’ve done it one or two times, you get an idea of what the appropriate length is. I was clueless before I started, but now that I did it a couple of times, I feel more clueful.

    #1218555

    Lightbrite
    Participant

    There is also Word Counter dot com.

    [7 words 37 characters]

    #1218556

    rebshidduch
    Participant

    It is indirectly talking and also this is not a chat room. This is a forum.

    #1218557

    AgainstTheTide
    Participant

    Yichusdik- I was not asking for myself and I was not asking for a psak. I just wanted to know peoples thoughts on the matter. Personally i think there is an issue with the tznius aspect. A few of the usernames give away the gender of the people behind them. I can bet that plenty of people on chat rooms- sorry- forums get a kick out of corresponding with the other gender. And of course someone will tell me that i shouldnt be on here- i’m not saying i have an issue with it, i just want to hear peoples opinions. i think its something for the more frum ones of us to think about.

    #1218561

    rebshidduch
    Participant

    Againstthetide, if someone really wants to talk to the other gender they will do it offline.

    #1218562

    HaLeiVi
    Participant

    This issue comes up from time to time. I can repeat what I’ve written before. People here are posting opinions to the general public, and responding to replies that were also addressed to the public.

    In fact, I wouldn’t have said here most of what I did had I been addressing the person whose comment I’m replying to. People hardly change their mind because of a petty argument. But I’m putting it out there. For this reason, once I feel that my point was sufficiently expressed I would refrain from replying to last-words, which sound, to me, like ‘Nuh Uh’. The readers have enough material to decide at this point.

    That being said, there is a certain type of conversation that should be avoided, and I’ve pointed that out before when it happened. That is when indeed the conversation takes on that boy-girl giggly sound, or when it starts turning personal.

    #1218563

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    “A few of the usernames give away the gender of the people behind them.”

    While I agree with everything else you wrote and I appreciate your pointing it out since I think it’s good to have that reminder every now and then, I want to point out that you can’t always tell from the usernames even when you think you can.

    For example: RebYidd is a girl/woman, I am a girl, Jonny Appleseed is a girl, rebshidduch is a girl, and Little Froggie is a man.

    #1218564

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    HaLeivi – +1

    #1218565

    It usually takes about 3 posts to figure out if someone is male or female.

    Especially when one involves whining.

    ๐Ÿ˜›

    #1218566

    ywnposter
    Member

    If someone “gets a kick out of corresponding with the opposite gender” then they’ve got problems and are the minority so there shouldn’t be a rule just because of them

    #1218568

    yichusdik
    Participant

    Againsthtetide – In saying that if you think its not tzniusdik or otherwise wrong, you should leave, I wasn’t making a judgement call on you. I think you and everyone else here has the capacity to make choices and decisions for themselves based on their worldview and their knowledge, and that they will be comfortable with the outcome of their choices; so, if it makes you uncomfortable, you should find somewhere else to be. It was neither a judgement, nor, LU, was it harsh.

    My second point that I shared was based on the several years of experience here that many of us have. Often enough, people come here to promote their perspective, or that of their halachic manhig. Nothing inherently wrong with that, but posing it as a question in the manner done if that was the intent is a passive agressive tactic tht is, once again, familiar to many here.

    My third point was, in earnest, if the question was asked neither to promote a particular world view, but out of a sense of conviction and perhaps discomfort with the status quo, davening helps. It would help you, Againstthetide, in that it can lead to clarity and to discovering the path to answers you need, and it can help me, if I am not measuring up to some celestial calculus of sechar and onesh, and you have an insight or perspective that I don’t share. tfilos from good honest people are always welcome.

    #1218569

    yichusdik
    Participant

    LU, there are parameters to giving tochacha in a halachic and useful way. If I am not mistaken, Joseph has shared these with us before. I’m not going to rtepeat all of those parameters here. Suffice it to say that a YWN forum does not meet the tochacha standard.

    And as I was explaining above, I wasn’t giving tochacha to the OP in any case.

    #1218571

    “Suffice it to say that a YWN forum does not meet the tochacha standard.”

    can you say that again in all caps please?

    #1218572

    +1 Mod 29

    #1218573

    bmyer
    Participant

    its must be fine to have a cr because how else would we know if we should have one?

    #1218574

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    That’s the same logic used to explain why girls are allowed to learn Gemara:

    If they didn’t learn Gemara, they wouldn’t know they are not allowed to learn it.

    #1218575

    FuturePOTUS
    Participant

    Lilmod Ulelamaid: The concept of Naaseh V’Nishma in this week’s parsha shows us that we are supposed to the mitzvos, and do the right thing even if we do not understand it, then we seek to understand.

    #1218576

    HaLeiVi
    Participant
    #1218578

    POTUS: That was a joke

    #1218579

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    That was a joke – sorry if it wasn’t clear.

    #1218580

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    Thank you for giving me the opportunity to clarify.

    #1243260

    kitov
    Participant

    I see nothing wrong with corresponding with the opposite gender when Torah is also OK with it.
    For example the Torah
    writes about a female prophet and shofet (judge) called devorah who taught Torah and even sung a shirah (song)
    The Torah also tells us about a female prophet called Hulda who taught Torah.
    So we see from the Torah that it’s permitted to communicate with a female.

    #1243336

    NeutiquamErro
    Participant

    kitov – ?

    #1243340

    NeutiquamErro
    Participant

    Sorry, never mind.

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