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Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped onto a piece of gum on the moon? He got stuck in Orbit.
whats a veggies favorite rock star?
Elvis parsley. I’m honestly embarassed to know this. Laffy Taffy…
A Rabbi walks into a bar with a frog on his shoulder. The bartender says, “Where did you find him?” The frog says, “Brooklyn, there’s thousands of them there!”
What do people working in a clock factory do? They sit and make faces all day.
When’s the best time to buy a budgie? While they are going cheap.
Why are bees all sticky? They use honey combs.
What part of a fish weighs easily? The scales.
Why did the witch leave her broomstick behind? Because it over swept.
Whats a cops favorite Tefilla? I Hava Rabba
What happens when you sleep with matza under your pillow? You get crumby dreams
what did the latke say when the other one asked a question?
aah a talking latke!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Interrupting co-efficient of friction.
Interrupting co-efficient of-
MUUUUUUU!
How do you watch time fly?
Throw a clock out the window!
There are ten types of people in the world: those who know binary and those who don’t.
A mathematician, a biologist and a physicist are sitting in a street cafe. They observe two people enter an abandoned building across the street. After a while, three people exit the building. The physicist remarks, “Our initial measurement must have been inaccurate.” The biologists counters, saying, “They have reproduced.” And the mathematician says, “If exactly one person enters the house, it will be empty again.”
OneOfMany: the way you wrote that binary joke, it looks like you havent understood it. No wonder you posted it in the worst jokes thread when in fact it is a very clever joke. It should read: There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don’t.
If you dont get the difference you dont know what binary is.
Why did the dead person go to the doctor,
Because it was coffin
Shticky Guy – math geekiness and good diction were grappling over that one. Good diction won out. 🙂
*My favorites*
What’s red and not there? – no tomatoes
What is green, red, and goes 150 mph? – a frog in a blender
I am laughing so hard right now 🙂 What is wrong with me?
Ooh, ooh, cinderella just reminded me…what’s green, fuzzy, and if it fell from a tree could kill you? A pool table. *cue groans*
Blonde Musician: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so!
A blonde guy calls the hospital. You gotta help me he says my wife’s gone into labor. The nurse says calm down calm down, is this her first child? He says no its her husband.
Did you hear of the blonde who studied for her blood test and failed?
Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead? She wanted to make up her mind.
What did the blonde do when she missed the last 44 bus? She took the 22 bus twice.
While waiting at a cross walk for the light to change, a blonde asked why the signal was buzzing. When she was told it was to let blind people know when the light was red she replied “What in the world are blind people doing driving”.
Did you hear of the near tragedy at the mall? The power went off for 5 hours leaving twelve blondes stranded on their way to the 2nd floor on the escalator.
Cinderella,
you’re overtired
maybe it was that ball you went to last night and stayed up past midnight
shticky,
those last two are good
Yeah coffee. And I had to run all the way home from the ball with only one shoe. My feet are killing me!
you see,
the normal thing to do is either run with NO shoes or better yet hail a taxi.
Oh. I didn’t think of that. I was in such a rush because my stupid fairy godmother kept texting me that I was out past my curfew.
yeah,
those fairy godmothers are no good,
never there when you really need them (if I was a fairy godmother I would be waiting outside the ball to pick you up)
This one did not even make the Laffy Taffy list:
What is pink and fluffy?
Pink fluff.
What is blue and fluffy?
Pink fluff holding its breath.
why did the dinosaur cross the road?
coz chickens weren’t invented yet!
what noise do dinosaurs make whilst sleeping? Dinosnoars!
1.Why does the cookie have to go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling “crumby!!!”
2.How do you see time fly?
Throw a clock out the window!!
Why did the farmer cross the road?
Q. What’s blue and smells like red paint?
A. Blue paint.
(Think about it)
Q. If one horse is shut in a corral, and one is running free, which is singing, “Don’t lock me up”?
A. Neither one. Horses can’t sing.
Q. Why was the cookie sad?
A. Because his Mother was crumby and his Father was a “wafer” so long.
“Email this to all of your friends or you’ll have six more weeks of winter.”
The worst jokes are always prefaced or epilogued with something along those lines. They’d be good if not for that. 😛
I’m actually still thinking about it. (How’s that for a bad joke?)
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxi cabs.
A skeleton walks into a bar. He orders a beer and a mop.
What has eighteen legs and catches flies?
A baseball team.
squeak – love that skeleton joke!
One of my all time faves is:
An arab, a priest and a rabbi walked into a bar and the bartender said, “is this some kind of a joke?”
HEY, WHAT’S GOING ON? I DID NOT POST THIS: I’m actually still thinking about it. (How’s that for a bad joke?)
IS SOMEONE USING MY NAME SOMEHOW???
Rocky – stuff in bold is written by mods. They will edit or comment to you on you post. (Seems like it really was a bad joke)
Yeah, they censored another one about a
who crosses the road to put
on the
.was that a chicken joke? I think I’ve heard it.
Maybe if I spread the joke out over a few posts the moderator WHO SHOULD REALLY CUT ME SOME SLACK will be asleep at the wheel and let it pass.
What do you get when ten of those despicable minions get together to daven mincha?
A Minion Minyan.
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