Worst Joke Contest
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- This topic has 140 replies, 58 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 3 months ago by Bookworm120.
June 22, 2011 1:07 am at 1:07 am #1004646
Why did they bury the Indian at the top of the hill? Because he was dead.
that’s a good one, got me chucklingJune 22, 2011 1:08 am at 1:08 am #1004647Doodle-Man™Member
whats a bucaneer?
was’t that CORNy?
or a bucaneer could mean a person is only 2 bucks. un less they have more ears!June 22, 2011 2:33 am at 2:33 am #1004648am yisrael chaiParticipant
“whats black, white and “red” everywhere = a newspaper
ha ha do you get read everywhere its a really corny joke found it on the laffy taffy wrapper!!”
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/black-white-and-read-all-overJune 22, 2011 2:44 am at 2:44 am #1004649brotherofursParticipant
“what did 0 tell 8? i like your belt”
cute never heard that one b4 🙂June 22, 2011 6:34 am at 6:34 am #1004650
Why did they bury the Indian at the top of the hill? Because he was dead.
that’s a good one, got me chuckling
My apologies. In that case I posted it on the wrong thread. Though in truth what you found funny was probably the stupidity of it.June 22, 2011 8:00 pm at 8:00 pm #1004651adorableParticipant
i like the one about the 0 and the 8! its very very cute. does not belong here at allJune 23, 2011 3:27 am at 3:27 am #1004652Smile E. FaceMember
why did mrs. freidman start crying when shmuelly fed himself a cracker? it was pesach
hehe, it’s so bad, i bet n/o cracks a smile, so to fix that… :0)June 23, 2011 5:15 am at 5:15 am #1004653gefenParticipant
moskidoodle – you can make a HoAdoma on ur joke. hahahaJune 23, 2011 5:56 am at 5:56 am #1004654Mother in IsraelMember
What did the aunt say when a camel stepped on it?
? ????? ??’ ?? ??? ????June 23, 2011 7:01 am at 7:01 am #1004655YW Moderator-42Moderator
How do you know if there’s an elephant under your bed?
If your nose is touching the ceiling!June 23, 2011 4:25 pm at 4:25 pm #1004656Mayan_DvashParticipant
What do you call someone else’s cheese?
Nacho cheese!June 23, 2011 10:22 pm at 10:22 pm #1004657
mother in Israel,
actually when I went on a camel riding trip with my camp someone asked for someone to start a song so I started that one 🙂 but what shaychas auntJune 24, 2011 12:12 am at 12:12 am #1004658LuvMeMember
coffee addict – she means ant (I think/hope)June 24, 2011 1:05 am at 1:05 am #1004659June 24, 2011 1:54 am at 1:54 am #1004660Smile E. FaceMember
what did the dentist say to his patient?
harchev picha v’amalahu! :0)June 24, 2011 5:43 am at 5:43 am #1004661Mother in IsraelMember
coffee addict – she means ant (I think/hope)
You think/hope right. Sorry about that.June 24, 2011 7:10 am at 7:10 am #1004662YW Moderator-42Moderator
Kapusta, that’s a bunch of dead Canadian miceJune 24, 2011 10:04 am at 10:04 am #1004663hanibParticipant
kapusta – lol (ok. well rather sol – 🙂 out loud).
that was very funny.July 8, 2011 12:44 am at 12:44 am #1004664I can only tryMember
Artie was going thru tough financial times.
He decided to resort to crime.
Artie hid out in the back of the local A&P store, and when an unsuspecting person came by, Artie strangled him.
Unfortunately, the victim had no cash in his pockets, so Artie hid once again and waited for his next victim.
Soon enough, another shopper came by, and Artie strangled him, too.
His bad luck held, though. The second victim only had $1, and a witness spotted the crime and called the police.
Artie was arrested.
The next day, it was front-page news in the local press:
“Artie Chokes Two For A Dollar at the A&P”
as told many years ago by an acquaintanceJuly 8, 2011 1:35 am at 1:35 am #1004665minyan galMember
ICOT: grrrrrrrrrrrrroan.July 8, 2011 11:48 am at 11:48 am #1004666I can only tryMember
Things were peaceful in sleepy Alphabet Town, where crime was all-but-unheard of.
Each day, Mr. A ran his grocery store, Mr. B his dry-cleaners, Mr. C his shoe repair and so on.
One night, their bucolic existence was interrupted. Henri Blanc and Marcel Rouge, two violent members of the Saychellian Mafia, escaped from prison and hid somewhere within the Alphabet Town shopping district.
The storekeepers were afraid to open their businesses the next day; who knew which store the escapees might be hiding in?July 19, 2011 5:15 pm at 5:15 pm #1004667
Doesnt the absolute winner of any ‘worst joke’ contest have to go to president obama for last night’s pizza joke to the astronauts…July 19, 2011 7:22 pm at 7:22 pm #1004668
After Rupert Murdoch called today the most humble of his life, he was forced to eat ‘humble pie’ after getting hit in the face by a bowl of shaving cream, in what could be called a foam-hacking incident!July 20, 2011 12:09 pm at 12:09 pm #1004669
Gimpel the gonif from Chelm decided to visit relatives in America, and while there he engaged in his usual profession at a Wal-Mart. He stole a box of salt and a 9volt cell before he was stopped and arrested.
Chochom that he is, he asked to be booked for “A salt and battery” rather than misdemeanor theft.
A visitor to the home of a Syrian businessman in Deal was surprised to see a picture of Solomon D-ek hanging from the ceiling in the living room. He asked: “Ezra, why are you hanging a picture of that menuval in your house?” The reply: “It’s just a copy; it’s there because I can’t hang the original!”July 20, 2011 8:58 pm at 8:58 pm #1004670blinkyParticipant
Marry Poppins goes into a hotel and orders cauliflauer and eggs for breakfast. The next morning as she was leaving the clerk asks her if she can leave some feedback for the hotel. She scribbles something and leaves. The clerk leans over to read the note and saw the response- “Supercauliflauertreesbuteggswerequiteatrocious!”July 20, 2011 9:53 pm at 9:53 pm #1004671bptParticipant
(and welcome back!)July 21, 2011 8:39 am at 8:39 am #1004672
Simple Gimple was one of the least intelligent boys in his class in Yeshivas HaKanoim d’Marin Bishin. So, since the yeshiva and its leadership were in constant machloikes with everyone else, his rebbeim decided to give him a job. He was to stand outside the door of the yeshiva and yell “Shygetz Aross” at anyone who was clearly not part of the Marin Bishin community.
Once a Chabad mitzva tank dared to pass by Yeshivas haKanoim, and of course Gimple yelled “Shygetz Aross’ good and loud. The tank stopped, and the driver, seeing how pathetic Gimple looked, offered him a better job with food and pay – yelling “We Want Moshiach Now” every time someone finished putting on tefillin. All went well for a while until the Marin Bishin gang threatened the Lubavitchers and took Gimple back to his old job.
But now, Gimple, who really only had about three properly firing neurons in his brain, was confused. So, he started to scream “We Want Shygetz Now! Moshiach Aross!” at everyone who passed by.July 21, 2011 9:30 am at 9:30 am #1004673
Back in the 60’s a Syrian Jewish electrical goods wholesaler tried to sell his merchandise to a hardware store in a town in Alabama.
The owner said: “I’ll take however much copper wire stretches from the tip of your Jewish nose to the tip of your Jewish……”
The hick was very surprised to receive a shipment of 6000 miles of copper wire, with immediate payment requested. The invoice included a note saying: “I was circumcised in Aleppo, Syria. Thank you for your generous order!”July 21, 2011 7:42 pm at 7:42 pm #1004674
Now THIS has got to be THE WORST:
Groinem’s father passed away one Shmini Atzeres while he was doing time in Otisville. The warden came to the beis tefila to break the bad news to Groinem but he wasn’t sure how to do it. The warden happened to arrive a moment or 2 before Yizkor.
When the gabbai called out: “OK, everyone who has both parents still alive please leave for Yizkor!” Groinem began to leave.
The warden blocked the door and said: “Where do you think you’re going, Groinem!”July 21, 2011 7:59 pm at 7:59 pm #1004675yaff80Participant
why did the banana go the Docs?
Because he wasnt peeling well!
Doh!July 21, 2011 8:10 pm at 8:10 pm #1004676
isnt the correct spelling duh?
zzzzzzduhJuly 21, 2011 8:11 pm at 8:11 pm #1004677
was it a mexican banana?July 21, 2011 8:32 pm at 8:32 pm #1004678GetzelParticipant
pupaJuly 22, 2011 1:44 pm at 1:44 pm #1004679
getzel1 – huh?July 24, 2011 9:17 am at 9:17 am #1004680
Two descendants of ben Drusoy somehow made it to Williamsburgh, and being who they are they each opened a store that sells partially cooked take-out food, one across the street from the other.
Of course, Shmerel Drusowitz and Mechel Drosay were always fighting with each other and trying to undercut the other. So, one day, Shmerel went to his store only to find Mechel had put up a sign saying “Our food is always half-baked” on his window.
Shmerel retaliated by stringing a big banner from one side of the street to the other saying: “Drosay Take-out. Our prices are highway robbery!”July 24, 2011 3:36 pm at 3:36 pm #1004681
OK – a new level of SICK!
Getzel Schmendrick (a resident of Kiryas Naye Creedmoor) decided to buy a hamster to leave in the guard room of his used car lot, in order to entertain his very vicious Doberman that he keeps in the guard room to scare thieves, tax inspectors, insurance auditors, people who recognize the cars they reported stolen, and other unwanted intruders.
He named the hamster Levi Aron.
A shocked customer asked him why he would name an animal for a sick murderer.
He replied: “Well, the Doberman’s name is Bubba and they’re roommates for now….”July 24, 2011 4:26 pm at 4:26 pm #1004682msseekerMember
600 Kilo Bear, what’s this obsession with criminals and NK?July 24, 2011 4:57 pm at 4:57 pm #1004683
What’s the difference between criminals and NK?
Not much. They all hang together.July 24, 2011 5:07 pm at 5:07 pm #1004684msseekerMember
But why are you obsessed with them?July 24, 2011 7:02 pm at 7:02 pm #1004685whole wheatMember
Q: how did the elephant that was 10 feet fit in to a pit that was 5 feet
A: it was a miracleJuly 24, 2011 8:02 pm at 8:02 pm #1004686
Because the best way to deal with them is warped humor. They exist. We didn’t create their yetzer, but the anti-Semite and the self-hating Jew uses them against us anyway. What’s more, it is not a Jewish idea that being “religious” keeps you from committing crimes. If we didn’t have criminals, there would not be dinei mamanois and dinei nefashois.
So, I say laugh at them and hate the anti-Semites rather than the other way around.July 24, 2011 10:09 pm at 10:09 pm #1004687
An obstetrics resident mit a Yiddishe kop worked in an inner city hospital. He was once asked to name a baby who was left behind by her mother after the delivery. Needless to say, the baby’s father was not present either nor did his name appear on any records. He decided to name her for BOTH her parents:
Mia for “Missing In Action”July 25, 2011 10:54 am at 10:54 am #1004688
There was a reunion of all descendants of Er and Onan last night in Aderes Atzeres. The event was a roaring success. No one showed up.July 26, 2011 12:55 am at 12:55 am #1004689Doodle-Man™Member
the least funny posts are the ones talking about what maize isJuly 26, 2011 3:20 am at 3:20 am #1004691smartcookieMember
Blinks- I love that Mary Poppins joke!!!July 27, 2011 12:58 am at 12:58 am #1004692unclesamMember
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other sideJuly 27, 2011 4:04 pm at 4:04 pm #1004693candy613Member
Here’s one that i on a laffy taffy wrapper!
Why did the girl bump into the door?
SHE FORGOT TO OPEN IT!!!!!! 😉August 14, 2011 10:50 pm at 10:50 pm #1004694Boro Park GirlMember
Q. Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
A. Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!August 15, 2011 12:56 am at 12:56 am #1004695
at least they’re gullibleAugust 15, 2011 11:05 am at 11:05 am #1004696
This guy was a fantastic composer of music. His songs were great. But if was terribly absent minded. Once his wife sent him out to the food store but he was back two minutes later. He said to his wife “Please dont fly off the Handel at me but I cant find where you are Haydn the Chopin Lyszt”
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