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Off the Derech Kids and Pesach Sheni


By Rabbi Yair Hoffman for the Five Towns Jewish Times

Today is Pesach Sheni. And although many people make sure to eat Shmurah Matzah today, unfortunately, few people understand its internal message.

It is a message brought out by the Gerrer Rebbe – the author of the Chidushei HaRim. Rav Yitzchok Meir Alter (1799-1866) was the very first Gerrer Rebbe. He writes that this particular day, Pesach Sheni, is a tikun for those who are perceived as beyond the pale – “B’derech Rechokah” – in his words. They are outside the scope of assistance. To them, to those who could not develop the closeness and Dveikus to Hashem that was emblematic of Pesach is this second chance.

The Psukim in Bahaaloscha tell us: There were men who were impure of the dead, therefore could not make the Pesach Korban on that day. They approached Moshe and Aharon on that day. Those men said to him, “We are impure [because of contact] with a dead person; [but] why should we be excluded so as not to bring the offering of Hashemin its appointed time, with all the children of Israel? Moshe said to them, “Imdu – Wait, and I will hear what Hashem instructs concerning you.”

The Chidushei HaRim writes that Imdu does not mean wait – but rather it means imdu in Teshuvah and Tefillah. It is not too late, just stand and pursue these two Avodahs and Hashem will help you along the way.
The Chidushei HaRim writes that this is the day for the off-the-derech kids that are now in every single one of our communities.

Each community among us, whether it be chassidisha, litvisha, or modern orthodox, has children that have left the fold.

Look around. They are hanging out on the street corners, at the late night Dunkin Donuts – hechsher and sans hechsher, and worse. Much worse.

Those that the Chiddushei HaRim refers to have issues of self-esteem, serious alcohol consumption, and many are abusing drugs. Many OTD kids have tattoos and multiple piercings.

They are everywhere – on Ocean Parkway in Brooklyn, in Lakewood, New Jersey. They are leaving Williamsburg in droves. And their parents toss and turn at night worrying about them.
It is to the point where, to echo a Pesach theme – “ain bayis asher ain bo mais – There is not a home that has not been affected.”

This Chiddushei HaRim is telling us that we need visionary leaders who can revolutionize what is not working with our systems. We need leaders who can fix things so that the off- the-derech children do not find solace in areas foreign to Torah. We need leaders to keep our youth enthused in their Yiddishkeit.

We must conceive of not merely a stop-gap measure, but something more. We must research what the largest risk factors are. We must develop and innovate programs, plans and ideas that will reduce these risk factors. We need to put our collective minds and our financial pocket books together. Torah society needs a comprehensive solution to address this ever widening problem.

Indeed, the Sefer Chasidim (308) explains that even if there is significant financial strain we need to create separate institutions for our different types of children.

True, there are the Rabbi Tzvi Glucks, the Avi Fishoffs of Twisted Parenting, the Rabbi Dov Silvers of Madraigos, the Rabbi Zechariah Wallersteins, the Rabbi Yaakov Horowitzs, the TOVA mentoring programs. But we need to support them and replicate what they do on a massive, massive scale.

We need an FDR social security program, a Marshall Plan. A GI bill.

We need someone to step to the plate, someone that can make a profound change that will effect and save generations. And we need to put our moneys where our mouths are.

We sweep all of this under the carpet and do not talk about it, but this issue, hands down, eclipses all others.
How can we attend gala Bar mitzvahs and weddings, Yeshiva dinners and functions while knowing that there are children out there that we have failed? We as a community must regroup and come up with a viable, palatable solution.

How can we not cry for thousands of holy mothers in Klal Yisroel whose every thought and prayer centers around her lost son or daughter?

And time is ticking. Let’s not kid ourselves. One or two years in the off-the derech lifestyle almost guarantees a point of no return. Those that do make the trip back are few and far between.

Our Rabbonim, our leaders, and our wealthy askanim need to hear from us. They need to hear of the heartaches that we suffer. Our voices need to be heard so that this issue will be given the prominence that it demands.
We can all do something. We can create happier homes and happier classrooms. We need to reach out to the people we see and smile at them. Of course, there are a myriad of reasons as to why these things can happen, and
we cannot chalilah ever be judgmental.

We need to be that resource, that Rock-of-Gibraltar that genuinely cares about the neighbor’s child who has that missing or divorced parent.

We need to put our collective heads together to create tools, resources, and institutions that will address the issue of our ever growing lost brethren. This all needs leadership, direction, and vision.

These forgotten souls must be placed once again on our agenda. That is the theme of Pesach Sheni, according to the Gerrer Rebbe. Let’s listen to its message.

The author can be reached at [email protected]

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12 Responses

  1. This article seems to equate the phrase “off the derech” with hooligans and druggies.

    What about the children with direction in life that are simply not frum, but well behaved in nearly every other regard?

    What are we to do about those children?

  2. “What about the children with direction in life that are simply not frum”
    Question: Not frum according to whom? There are plenty who are frum and keep kosher, etc
    but are not interested in the rigid “yeshivish” attire. Hopefully, you are not referring to those
    who wear polo shirts and pants/jeans as not frum, only because they don’t dress like the Lakewood
    crowd. I, personally, have witnessed such being looked down upon only because of this.

  3. Thank you for this, Rabbi Hoffman. I once heard a respected educator tell me that “it’s enough to aim down the middle, knowing we are going to lose kids on the margins.” Horrific!

  4. Boys work-

    I am not referring to those that are mentschen, but to not keep kosher or shabbos or have belief.

    They can be very respectful and well behaved, but simply lack emuna.

  5. “They can be very respectful and well behaved, but simply lack emuna.”
    Exactly. They need to be taught emuna and other underpinnings of yahadus. If they spend most of the day learning gemara be’iyun (a good thing), and a smattering of halacha (needs improvement), and zilch on why we do mitzvos (big problem), there’s going to be a lot of trouble. They need to be taught and emphasized over and over why we do mitzvos, why we serve HKBH, 120 in this world for an eternity of olam haba, etc.

  6. KOL HACABOD TO RABBI HOFFMAN; Some one nedded to adress this very sad topic more openly.
    I would sadly add, that this is hapenning not only in the U.S.A. like you mentioned but in every single Haredi Kehila, all over the world.
    The center element is as always has been is the yetzer hara; the problem now is that he has the strongest ever ever imaginable weapon, called “THE UNFILTERED INTERNET CONNECTION” in other words he has the ATOMIC BOMB, which is very very hard to fight with.
    As it is known Ha Shem created for us the one and only one “tablin” to fight the yetzer har; wich is following His instructions; when He created this world: The Torah Kedosha.

    In the Torah is clearly understood, that we must follow closely what the Guedole Hador of our generation tell us to do.

  7. YOU ARE RIGHT; SIN ALWAYS EXIST; BUT; THE ESTIMATED 1,OOO TO 3,000 PER MONTH,RELIGIOUS YIDIM IN ALL THE WORLD, R”L GOING OFF THE DERECH; THAT, NEVER EXISTED.
    LE TZAARENU HA RAV; 1,000 TO 3,000 BURNED NESHAMOT PER MONTH; NOT TO MENTION THE TREMENDOUS DAMAGE THAT THE SECULAR ONES ARE RECIVING; DIVORCES LIKE NEVER BEFORE, HOMOSEXUALS; DRUGS, CRIMES; ALL THE LOWEST AND WORSE THINGS IN HUMANITY.
    800,000 OR MORE SITES OF ARAYOS (TOEIVA) EXIST TODAY IN THE INTERNET.
    THAT NEVER EXISTED REb YIdd.

    *THE BIG SPAN BETWEEN 1,000 AND 3,000 IS BECAUSE THE MAYORITY ARE HIDING FROM THE SOCIETY.

  8. YOU ARE RIGHT; SIN ALWAYS EXIST; BUT; THE ESTIMATED 1,OOO TO 3,000 PER MONTH,RELIGIOUS YIDIM IN ALL THE WORLD, R”L GOING OFF THE DERECH; THAT, NEVER EXISTED.
    LE TZAARENU HA RAV; 1,000 TO 3,000 BURNED NESHAMOT PER MONTH; NOT TO MENTION THE TREMENDOUS DAMAGE THAT THE SECULAR ONES ARE RECIVING; DIVORCES LIKE NEVER BEFORE, HOMOSEXUALS; DRUGS, CRIMES; ALL THE LOWEST AND WORSE THINGS IN HUMANITY.
    800,000 OR MORE SITES OF ARAYOS (TOEIVA) EXIST TODAY IN THE INTERNET.
    THAT NEVER EXISTED REb YIdd.

    *THE BIG SPAN BETWEEN 1,000 AND 3,000 IS BECAUSE THE MAYORITY ARE HIDING FROM THE SOCIETY.

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