Observer36- That was a beautifully written, sensative insight from an outsiders perspective. Thank you for sharing, I think even if this is not the issue “write or wrong”‘s child is having, it was still a way for others with children like this to relate to and understand.
Write or wrong- Firstly, I would like to send you all my support because I know you are going through an extremly tough time. I went through a sort of opposite situation where I became more frum than my parents, and to them this was basically OTD. They would say “What is wrong with the way we raised you?” “What makes you think you are better now than you were before?” “How do you know that what you are doing is right, afterall, we are the ones with the life experiance?”
Questions I am sure you ask yourself many times a day. My answer to my parents was and is probably the same as your sons, this is the derech that simply makes sense to me. Yes, you as parents do have more life experiance, you do have more knowledge! I think something us as young adults find is that as we get older ourselves and accumulate our own lfie experiance, we tend to follow the path that seems to make the most meaning for us. Not that there is anything wrong with your path, because there isn’t, it worked for you.
When I spoke to my rav about how I should come about this issue, and approach my parents who could not talk to my face because they were so offended, he said, you must know that Hashem gave them the Bracha to raise you, but you the Chochma to find your derech. They will learn to accept you, and you will have to be patient with them and respect them along the way.
I know your son and I r doing something completly opposite, and I am not comparing our situations, but I am only trying to give you insight into the mind of a thinking young adult.
I know your son is obviously doing things that are worse than you’d ever imagined, and he might be harming his health and his neshama. I think the thing I wanted to see out of my parents most in my time of development was that we were on a level of respect with each other. And frankly I have gained alot more respect of who they are, and what it means to be a parent. I think you are doing an absolutly wonderful job just the way you express yourself. I am sorry if anything I said hurt you, or was unrelatable, I am only hoping to add some clarity into the minds of young people like me.
davening for you!