Giving Presents for Attending Simchas

You can get nice looking gifts for really cheap sometimes. I know there’s a store in E”Y that sells discount siddurim and machzorim sets and things with the name on it for about $10. Also, you can get nice looking but cheap challah covers and put a name on it. Then everyone thinks you spent a lot but it was actually cheap. If anyone you know is going to E”Y ask them to pick up some siddur/machzor sets from you from the discount outlet store (where they have these things that are printed slightly the wrong color or something else usually not noticable).

bike, i have the same questions! i spend thousands a year on gifts that don’t even look like anything. We have takonos on many things, i think the Rabbonim should make a takana that no one except close relatives give gifts. I used to be happy when i got invitations in the mail, now my first thought, many times, is about the gift.

you could give a very nice, boxed pen and mechanical-pencil set to a Bar Mitzvah for about $10-15, a challah cover for very little.

if you are single, people dont expect you to spend much, but if possible its nicer to give a gift

expresses a chiba between the parties, shows that you care (as does coming to the Simcha)

My daughter got married within the last year….. fewer than 20 percent of the people gave any gift. This is own from 3 years earlier when over 35 percent gave a gift to my older child……. still not the 70 percent that gave at my wedding a few decades ago. I guess the economic downturn has taken a toll in this area. Join the club!

oh well less thank you notes to write then

I have B”H been marrying off children for the last 20 years. The amount of people giving gifts has really gone down considerably. Family members that used to give gifts don’t give anything anymore. I don’t know if it’s only due to economy. In large families there are B”H many weddings and it’s hard to give. Several of my children married into large families and have between 20 and 30 siblings from the two sides.

My friends also say that many people attending weddings don’t give anything the last few years. At the most recent wedding I made we had 175 couples for the meal. We received gifts from 42 people. At a wedding I made 18 years ago I had 150 couple at the meal and received 59 gifts just from my side and 51 from the other side. That’s 110 gifts from 150 couple attending.

Goq – you said that because you are single you don’t feel it is necessary to give a gift. Well, it depends on your age and stage of life. In another thread you said that you don’t ever expect to get married. I don’t know how old you are, but if you are a 50 year old bachelor, you can’t get by using the reasons you now use. If you are lucky enough to still have parents and you are young, your parents can include your name on their gift, but it isn’t the right thing to do after you reach a certain age.

zahavasdad – I am with you. If I feel I can’t afford a gift, I don’t go. I may send a donation card (18.00) anyway. Recently there was a Bar Mitzvah at my shul that I was not invited to. I do see the mother and the Bar Mitzvah bochur every week at shul and often share a table with them for kiddush. I am also active in Sisterhood with the mother. So, even though I wasn’t invited, I gave the boy a card with a check for 18.00. I thought of a donation but thought that the boy would prefer the money. 3 weeks later, they are both still thanking me and telling me how thoughtful I was. The boy had his thank you cards mailed within a week. Surprising but wonderful.

yeshivabochur – “inexpensive” is far more elegant than saying “cheap”. I had an aunt who owned a ladies wear shop. Her staff were instructed to never use the word “cheap” no matter how the customer worded things. If something was too expensive the staff would say ” I will find you something that is “less costly”. The word “cheap” was forbidden in the store.

On principle, if you go, you should give at least a TOKEN gift of some type. Go into Amazing Savings and buy a candy dish or cake plate for $5-10, for goodness sake. It will not cost much. I would never, even if poverty stricken (and I have been, at times),walk into a simcha empty-handed. Some people even give a gift when they could not attend (but I think you can fudge on that one, if you are financially challenged).

Posters are also correct that contributing to Sheva Brachos or a limo (a new shtick these days, G-d knows why), or being part of a group gift of some other type, are all viable ways to participate without emptying your wallet too badly.

zahavasdad, the gift usually goes to the young couple or the bar mitzva boy, so you covering your plate doesn’t help the parents. People want guests at their simcha. the guests enhance a simcha so gifts should not be a requirement. years ago gifts were given to help a couple begin a new life because many couldn’t afford to buy the basics. today most parents set up their children with the necessities. Unfortunately we have held on to the gift giving requirement. Ka”h today, most people go to many many simchos a year so the gift giving has become very costly.

Bike: The matter of gift-giving has a lot to do with your circles.

You sound Sephardic, so some of what you hear here may not be applicable in your circles.

Contributing a dish to a sheva brachos with a note attached might be a cost-effective option for you.

Wow! I didn’t realize the word cheap was so offensive. I didn’t mean anything by it only that these things are not expensive. So you should know those wrong color or whatever siddurim and machzorim are good quality.

minyan gal, we sometimes also wait until a couple’s anniversary before giving a gift. Different reason, though. And it’s often a baby gift, by then.