David Bar-Magen: Shavua Tov Mevurach, and a gut, gezunt, gebenched Tamid! I have not been on the computer until now (way after Shabbos in London), I will immediately pass on your name and Doniel Gavriel ben Sarah’s name to the right channels to be davened for everyday. May you both be blessed with much menuchat hanefesh ve guf and an abundance of HAGEFEN, and much siyata dishmaya to accept your tests with AHAVA, much LOVE. H’KBH gives each person tests that only what they can cope with.
Life is not a bed of roses for anyone, at any given time. You must strengthen your bitachon and emuna with tefilla. Try to say Parshat HAMAN each day with increased kavana. Try to find a second evening job or a Sunday job to try to bring more in. Nothing should be below your dignity. And, finally when one does give you zedaka, even if it is one penny, smile and say a beautiful THANK YOU! You don’t know what THEY are going through.
I always collect for hachnasat kallot to help them get together a simple trousseau and a simple simchat nissuin wedding. Once, I went out collecting in absolute freezing, icy weather with all my small children in tow. I went from door to door, and I knocked on one door and a man answered and I asked politely with a smile for a donation. He said, “ABSOLUTELY NOT!” I said, “Thank you and G-D bless you!” One of my children, who was 4 at the time said, ” Mommy, but the man never gave you anything, why did you say, Thank you and G-D bless you?” I answered sweetly, “Tatalah, because the man did not give me anything this time, does not mean I have to be rude to him and make a Chilul Ha-Shem, maybe next time he will give something!”
My son never forgot this incident. Many years later when he was in Yeshiva in Monsey, he related this story to the Rosh Yeshiva Shlita. When I came to visit the Yeshiva, the Rosh Yeshiva said to me, “it is a absolute honor to meet you finally! Your son related to us the zedaka story and he said what an impression you made on him that he related the story verbatim many years’ later!”
You are the owner of your words and actions until they are directed at the person it is spoken to, then that person is the owner. Every curse is collected by a malach and chas ve shalom can be redirected to you.
One suggestion, go to see Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis at her Hineni
headquarters. Talk to her, or her children and they may be able to help you in finding a better paid job. She has done it for others she might be able to help. Much Hatzlacha in all that you do.
Smile, be happy with the forthcoming birth I’YH of another child which will bring a bracha for you and your wife, with much parnasa, light and laughter.
Gut Voch!