gavra_at_work,
The OP has a point. It is a painful situation. And many people feel they may do as they please.
Also, if you do something wrong, that is one thing. But if you are a Chotai Umachti it is much worse. You have no idea who you are affecting, and where this may lead the person being affected. I personally am very concerned about having that responsibility.
And obviously, on the positive side, the rewards even in Olam HaZeh are tremendous. Especially since this is so difficult.